3426 by Black Rose Comedy

That’s pretty sweet, isn’t it? Well obviously we all know that that’s the
globe. The earth. Large. Covered in water. Very earthy. 90% of the earth is covered with trees and
that’s a fact. Not only do we get air from ’em, but heck:
they’re a great spreadable topping on bagels. Don’t believe me? Just ask how. Believe me. Did you know that trees give you, um, leaves,
fruit, and oxygen at one point? Look at all these trees. At one point these gave you oxygen. Is that crazy? Like you were breathing this in. [breathes deeply] Wow. Do you smell that open-air breeze. Heck yeah. Here I am enjoying nature out here and heck
is it a good time. I mean do you see all these trees and water
and other landmasses? It is beautiful, isn’t it? Yeah. Global warming. It exists. It’s very real and it basically killed the
whole world, so. Entertainment. You love it and you consume it. Your favorite branch of entertainment is music. How do we listen to music? Cassette tapes. It’s the only way. We enjoy songs like “Higher Love.” “Seven Rings”…. anyway. [music playing] That’s a pretty fly song. These jams are tight. Transportation. What’s your favorite way to get around. Maybe it’s by foot. Is it by foot? Heck, it could be on foot. Maybe it’s a snowboard or a boat. Usually it’s on foot. Maybe you have a giant dog and you ride it. Do you know what a dog is? It’s like basically like a horse. But you can’t ride horses because they’re
tiny. And you can’t eat em. It’s illegal. Penguins. You love em and you’ve seen em. They’re real. They’re still alive and they walk the earth. You guys know about birds? Birds are penguins. Anyways, penguins are birds and they sure
as heck taste like mint. Yaaa! Self defense! Government. You know it and you love it. The presidency of the United States of America
as it once was was a fine-tuned system balanced and judged by America. The first president of the United States:
Washington. After that: Bird Bird. You think you’re safe? You’re probably not. Crime is everywhere and it can strike you
when you least expect it. When you’re chilling at home in the bathtub? BANG! Crime. When you’re at home, reading a nice novel? BANG! Crime! When you’re just sitting in your closet just
minding your own business? Kaboom! CRIME! It’s everywhere, you can’t avoid it. Does it exist? Heck yeah it for sure does. [screaming] Woah, did you see that? A Segway just went by. Heh. Those are so cool I wish I had one of those. Anyway, closets. Are you in em? Do you have one in your house? They’re so nice for holding clothes and stashing
stuff. And usually they’re made out of wood. And you know what wood is, is, comes from
is trees. And you’ve seen those before probably. Because they are real and you’ve been outside
and they exist outside. When you’re outside, usually they’re around
everywhere you look. [siren noises with mouth] PSA! Did you know if you leave gasoline in your
basement you 100% will die. Listen to me. No matter what you do, no matter who you pray
to, no matter who you love: do NOT– I can’t stress this enough– do NOT keep gasoline
in your basement. 100% though you will blow up. And you’ll be gone. Gone-zo. Done-zo. Blam-o! Eliminated! Oh no. Oh no, did you hear that? Oh my god. They’re here. Everybody take cover! Heh ha! Hey, hey. False alarm. Haha. That was… that was crazy. I thought the armadillos were attacking. No, no, that wasn’t what happened. It was just like a microwave thing. But, you guys know about the armadillos? That’s why we’re all here. That’s why we can’t leave. That’s why we’re where we are. Because of them. [hysterical laughing turning to crying] It’s all because of them…. So uh, any questions? Yeah, uh, what did we just watch? Are we gonna be tested on this? That’s the last thing I need. Heyyya! When’s lunch, am I right? Hahahaha yeah! Woo! Am I right guys? So anyway, the atmosphere… [bell rings] Oh, thank the Lord. Don’t forget to eat your nutrition pods before
next orb.

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