Back in Black – Electric Scooter Sharing Apps | The Daily Show


When a news story falls
through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call
Back in Black. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) Let’s face it, commuting sucks. Subways smell like rat sex. Buses have other people on them. And forget driving– city streets are more clogged
than my colon. I mean, it’s no problem for me, because I get around by parkour. But for those of you
who are less agile, there’s a new option. From ridesharing
to bike-sharing, there are plenty of ways
to get around without driving your own car, and, now in dozens of cities
across the country, electric scooters
are giving people a fun way to get to their destinations. REPORTER:
It’s the invasion of the Birds. We’re talking about the
electric scooters called Bird. The motorized scooters are
catching on across the country. REPORTER 2: Riders find them
with an app on their phone and can ride
for as little as a dollar. The scooters can hit speeds
of up to 15 miles an hour. I love it so far.
It’s really convenient. Wow. 15 miles an hour? You can get to your destination
five minutes earlier, and all you have to do
is give up your dignity. There’s a lot of things to hate about these scooter-sharing
programs. For starters, there’s no dock. People just leave them lying
around anywhere for the next person
to find them. That’s not sharing– that’s littering! You can’t do that
with anything else! Hey, how about I launch
a dog poop-sharing app? I’m not leaving my dog shit
on the sidewalk– I’m sharing it
with the community. (cheering and applause) It’s bad enough that scooters
are taking up space everywhere, but their riders are also taking
up space in the hospital. REPORTER 3: Lisa Beardslee says
she suffered torn ligaments and a hairline fracture
in her arm when she was forced to jump off
what she says was a malfunctioning Bird
scooter about two months ago. And now doctors say they’re
seeing an uptick in injuries. But it’s not just riders
getting hurt. It was like I was walking down
the pier and I got hit
by a motor vehicle. “Dancin’ Dave” Petersen
is a street performer. He says he lost months of work
and had to simplify his act after a man on a scooter
hit him from behind and left. Yeah. Look what you bastards did
to Dancin’ Dave! He couldn’t work for two months! Which means he lost 15 bucks
and a stale Cronut. You know what pisses me off
about Silicon Valley? They don’t worry if something’s
good or bad for us. They just want to sell
their damn app. Fortunately, there are
a few brave souls out there who are standing up
to these two-wheeled menaces. -REPORTER 4:
These Birds don’t fly. -(bleep) And they’re not designed
for this. Whether they’re launched
from buildings, sent off of mountaintops, thrown into the ocean, or pushed down storm drains, an Instagram account
called Bird Graveyard is documenting all the ways electric scooters
are meeting their demise. Okay, this is officially my new favorite thing
on Instagram. I mean, I used
to just like Instagram for the contouring tips– don’t pretend
you haven’t noticed my pronounced cheekbones– but protesters trashing scooters
is the best. It’s classic civil disobedience, like the time Gandhi keyed his shift manager’s Hyundai. Anyway, it doesn’t look like
there’s a solution anytime soon, so I stepped in to fix it
with my own high-tech product. It’s an audio device that
you attach to electric scooters that warns pedestrians
to look out. Here’s how it works. -(siren whoops)
-Asshole coming through! Out of the way! Total dipshit on board.
Move it. This douchebag has places to be. It’s now available
on my website! (bleep) Amazon! Trevor? Lewis Black, everyone!

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