Bad News for Classic Joke Wednesday


– NORMALLY,
WE DO CLASSIC JOKE WEDNESDAY, BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,
THIS YEAR, WE WILL NOT BE DOING IT ANYMORE. SO IT’S ESPECIALLY SAD
FOR TWO PEOPLE. MY DAD, IT’S THE ONLY THING THAT
HE LIKES ABOUT THE SHOW, AND– WE’LL GET INTO THAT
LATER IN MY THERAPY. AND ALSO,
IT’S THE FAVORITE SEGMENT OF NICK. HE’S OUR GARDENER, AND HE WATERS
ALL THE PLANTS ON THE SET. AND NICK ACTUALLY SUBMITTED
A LOT OF JOKES FOR ME. HE WROTE THEM
WITH A DULL PENCIL, SO THEY WERE POINTLESS. [comedic rimshot plays] [audience groans] THANK YOU. [applause] THANK YOU. NICK IS A GREAT GARDENER. ACTUALLY, HE USED TO BE
A FARMER, BUT HE QUIT BECAUSE HIS CELERY
WASN’T HIGH ENOUGH. [comedic rimshot plays] [audience groans, applauds] THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. [laughter] THIS IS GONNA BE HARD FOR HIM, SO I THINK I HAVE TO
BREAK HIM THE NEWS MYSELF, BECAUSE I THINK– HEY, NICK? NICK? HE’S REALLY GONNA BE
DISAPPOINTED. NICK? [audience cheers] I JUST–I’M SORRY. I KNOW YOU’RE PROBABLY GARDENING
BACK THERE OR SOMETHING. I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
WE’RE NOT GONNA BE DOING CLASSIC JOKE WEDNESDAY. – I’M–I’M SO MAD. – YOU’RE MAD? [laughter] HOW MAD ARE YOU? – I’M THIS MAD. [Velcro ripping] [cheers and applause] – OH, I HATE WHEN HE GETS MAD. [laughter] OKAY.
AND I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. YOU’RE THINKING, “ELLEN,
YOU DO THIS TO US EVERY YEAR. “‘CAUSE FIRST
YOU HAD CLASSIC JOKE MONDAY, “AND THEN IT CHANGED
TO TUESDAY, AND THEN IT MOVED
TO WEDNESDAY.” SO OBVIOUSLY, YOU THINK
THAT I’M GONNA ANNOUNCE THAT TOMORROW, WE’RE STARTING
CLASSIC JOKE THURSDAY. AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME.
YOU DON’T KNOW ME. WE ARE NOT DOING
CLASSIC JOKE THURSDAY. FOR SEASON 12, WE’LL BE DOING
CLASSIC JOKE FRIDAY. [triumphant fanfare plays] [cheers and applause] YEAH. OH. NICK’S BACK. NICK, YOU’RE BACK. – THANK YOU, ELLEN.
– OH. – I’M SO HAPPY.
– YOU’RE HAPPY? HOW HAPPY ARE YOU? – I’M THIS HAPPY. [cheers and applause] OKAY. WE’LL BE BACK. NICK IS HAPPY AGAIN.

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