I’m a married man with a kid,
but I’ll tell you this right now. If I’ve learned anything in five
years of being married is we’re always working on me. I just think to myself, like, “What could
my wife complain about?” I fucking crush everything. I pick up after myself, I’d like to think I’m a good dad. I work my ass off,
I make a great fucking living. Crush all of that! All she has on me is who I am as a person. My daughter has yet to meet
the real me. She’s seen glimpses of me, like, “Whoa! Daddy almost snapped
his phone in half!” I feel like I can be brave
tonight and share this with you. Robot sex dolls, they’re gonna
to fuck us into extinction. Stephen Hawking, you never have
anything positive to say. The #MeToo movement.
White male privilege. Hipsters. I’m a male feminist. By the way, this is going
to be my last show ever by the time
this fucking thing comes up.