Blood | Black Books | Series 2 Episode 4 | Dead Parrot


Um how much is this three pounds ah Is there something wrong with your head Are you liking it to say no, there’s nothing wrong with my head, or is it’s just uncontrollable You’d like me to put the price down well I was thinking two pounds because three pounds is just naked profiteering for a book a mere Nine hundred and twelve pages love What’ll I do with that extra pound. I’ll add an acre to the grounds. I’ll Chuck some more koi carp in my piano shaped pond No, I know I’d build a wing on the National Gallery with my name on it 250 that’s more like it Now you’re being reasonable 250 gets you this much because the rest when you come back with the other 50 pee Berlin don’t start customer lover I was just gonna say I’m off to get the paint what for the shop is the way it is because it is the way it is if it wasn’t the way it is it wouldn’t be the Way it is. It needs doing it’s charming It has character character is an ambience a feeling he’s nothing with fur and a beak Mystogan I Was gonna get two brushes by the way you can paint with both hands, that’s nice well I was kind of thinking that no you weren’t you just thought you were thinking well, maybe no But it’s no I don’t want to be bothered your big hairy What’s the matter with you you know I’m just a big Cloud of dough No since my shop closed down. I just feel empty all the time you hated yourself. Yeah But hating it took up my whole life without it. I’m Disconnected I keep buying things to cheer myself up. I’d hate to get a paper like Chocolate magazines In a Vauxhall Astra Well, this is a very difficult time for you you know But you shouldn’t be ashamed of getting professional help you mean, I should talk to her Carmen yes Oh, yes mani, can you look after the shop until manigott? You’re not busy. Oh, you keep an eye on the shop would you? Sorry wrong show Man Hello sir I am the information points can I help you I? hope so I Was looking for a pair of hobnail boots I want to jump up and down and somebody who’s trying to ruin my life look I can explain I went to get paint and I went to that big book shop. You know saw the books Coffee and places to sit, and I thought what we really need is to be more like them I walked in and I instantly bought 114 pounds worth of books all because it was so nice in there I mean a novel by a 12 year old Spaniard An account of the Nazi space program this world war a large print biography of basil brush actually No one needs Sophos that issue No one needs information points well Fran did She was looking for something to occupy her so I suggested she check out her family tree And I informed her of our new genealogy section hey, hey right if you if you trace it back, and yeah I might be wrong about this, but I come from a very good line and apparently I am Queen Victoria’s uncle And I’ll start again, it’s all going back to how it was coffee and books is a fad Nobody is gonna be fooled by this Excuse me. Can I have these please sorry very easy pounds. It’s a lot isn’t it But your information point showed me where they were and I sat on your comfortable sofa and flick through them, and I thought Oh treat yourself Come again, it’s coffee that good. I think I will I’m back now I’ll be near the shops that deserve the stars in it no stars are for achievement My fortieth cigarette this afternoon that deserves a star Okay wait for this. Oh, this is brilliant I had another goat in my family tree, and I found that I have got relatives from Eastern Europe living practically round the corner It’s amazing the way you put the jigsaw together No one stop me if this gets boring, but first you just check the parish records stop What what I don’t care because I’ve got roots, I don’t need you Sorry to be such a Oh Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to be with my people And police Note vibe you’ve never had a traditional teach day and kiss before And the GAR Sit plants eat drink binti with us No, no that’s your right hand that’s how they drink tea enough Becky, Stan anyone who drinks tea with a right hand is an enemy Then it’s all about yourself right I was born you have a car yes Such a success in our Families I Have to have the rest of that book is that 50p Mmm. I was thinking 15 What no you’re right, 25, this is totally unfair Burnet what you just did directly contravenes our customer code Pro is pledge What if we’re gonna compete with the big shops we have to offer a service equal to this That’s why we came up with a CCPP Oh, we did Did we you were actually? Helping a customer when it was drawn up the fellow with the red haired remember kept calling you burn because of your badge this is You burn One the customer is not only always right he or she is also fun to be around Be sure to remark. Um there are wise choices and laugh at their jokes If you happen to be wearing a top of lower cut than usual or no harm done. Can’t sighs are working Too if the sides of your head don’t hurt you’re not smiling enough Yes more more no that looks now see take it down. That’s it The customers can only be happy if the staff are happy the management should have regular meetings with the staff to standard any grievances Mani, how’s it going fine good? meeting over oh look you pop – What you doing tomorrow friend Nothing plant because Martinez moving into a new flat And she needs a bit of help with it and none of us have a car. Oh no no I couldn’t I’ll help no problem After that there’s somehow money to pick up from focused on lots of ham Sure I’ll take you yeah Yeah, Bennett see that bloke over there with a cappuccino I just sold immunities that guide to Ulysses and a handbook to the usage guide now clever star, please You Can have as many stars as you? like Because I’m not doing this anymore one less people in shop I’m sick of this if we’re not reordering this or that book were steaming milk for the bamboo chinos Like high street chain. They don’t respect us because we’ve given them everything Where do they go what do we do where did he go what’s called a 1 there when I get some food? I think we’ve got coffees, but not enough for them. You said he wanted less people in the shot Don’t twist my words. You said you wanted less people in the shop. We can’t let them find reasons to leave We can feed them lunch and dinner and we built a pool and a gym and an egyptian-style casino. No that’s a bit much If they could eat, they’d stand by books all day long from now on Manny We run a full restaurant service do your friends in cycle books do that? Ha ha ha I don’t think so we can’t run a restaurant of course you can because from now on the only stars We’ll be looking at will be Dunlop stars Michelin stars Oh I’m tired grandma. Can I have a cold drink please? Oh friend what you need is some hot bean tea? I’m sorry. I couldn’t help with the hams, but it messes up my hair oh Yeah, I think I’ll go home Get to bed. Yes, yes friend then on Saturday. You will take Gregor to the hospital It’s a little out of the way this hospital Everdeen Take a jiffy, maybe too little Jeffy’s I can’t because I’m I’m getting a talk at the London School of Economics and also I have to have a bath Let me explain friend Anyone member of the family is like this bean But the family is tightly bound like this sausage and If one member does not help the family You thrive Have you ever lobsters put them in the pot What’s it gonna be our signature dish luxury pie the food of kings truffles Champagne just lit wristlets Now for the mains Burn it all this food is attracting those creatures. They’re getting bigger look look. He’s got an onion This isn’t legit all the best kitchens are dirty. It’s a sign of life slice the garlic There’s too much life in here. They’re getting huge will soon be a saddle them up and ride into town I’m not totally convinced we should open as a restaurant and if we do and as I say I’m not entirely sure I Don’t think we should have them tonight Shut up, I’m trying to make creme brulee Drink quite so much wine yes, I do how else are we going to get candles and empty wine bottles Why are you talking in English I don’t hear French my kitchen and now pad anything else Right that family I found I met them I became one of them, and I really really want to get rid of them, right And you got me into it so mr. Information man how do I get out okay? What about this oh? Never better whoa gee Well my right hand how awful oh? I’ll make it up to you by singing the dish tire national anthem I’ve been practicing Stan national anthem it is the verse which mocks our country’s nuclear power facilities Weren’t you The people with asterisk and rink with the right hand and sing whatever they like That’s how it’s been for centuries We forgive you let’s celebrate with the drive around town and Arab slap meal Where’s it think some atanga top of the tank What’s this gourmet food is always presented in little towers. What’s that shoot? We’ll get it in the tower come on You have to commit show me your hands Fran I want you to be a waitress oh, I’m sick of doing favors I can pay you really no Check this out table 12, no there are no plates well use Recipe books with pictures of plates on the front we have to explain everything Yes Providing excellent food at reasonable prices. It’s not that hard everyone finish being sick, yeah No, I think grandma has some way still to go I Brought you here you All got food poisoning. It’s all my fault I Come to ask you to forgive me now the bonds of third cousin hood can never be broken No you take us home. Wait a minute Oh No something terrible has happened I know that in this moment of hardship my mind No, no they didn’t go there they went over there We’re a bookshop Manny. What is wrong with that yeah? Trying to be a restaurant what were is tanking yeah? So founded stupid coffee ridiculous the place is lovely as it is Oh? Ray anyway My friends have always been my real family What do you want tena? I have to take a taxi to my evening class even close? What are you doing in Persian cats throughout French history just to fill the time? I did it. I got the Queen

38 Replies to “Blood | Black Books | Series 2 Episode 4 | Dead Parrot”

  1. As someone of eastern European descent I'd like to point out a glaringly offensive inaccuracy . . . they would have already had a man there for her to meet and marry (distantly related, of course).

  2. I’ve always hated this episode, just because the backwards family always annoyed the crap out of me. Everything else is pretty funny still though

  3. That's a very amusing, albeit accurate (and graciously not-directed-at-a-specific-country) portrayal of the total bastardisation and degradation of Eastern and Southern Europe after WWII.

  4. The way Fran felt at the start, I could completely relate to her. I hated all my previous jobs, but hating them took up half my life. Being unemployed just made me feel so empty all the time!

  5. I seem to have achieved Bernard Black’s personality, without even smoking or drinking heavily. Does that mean I’m better at it than he is?

  6. When he said 14th cigarette of the afternoon, I lit my 17th of the morning. 11:43
    And finished the second beer. What am i doing?

  7. Love the series but this one is downright offensive to me being from Czechia, yeah, sure as hell some of us kiss each other cheek to cheek to greet to let our love and affection show to the ones we love, not all of us, this stuff mixes us with some other people. who might even exist on this planet and the stupid russianlike accent, feels to me as if I spoke with a really out of this globe yorkshirelike accent drunk as a skunk to mock yorkshire people for being more drunk as me …

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