Bloomberg’s Bucks, Buttigieg’s Beef, and Biden’s Bite | The Daily Show

There are now just 336 days until the 2020
presidential election, and although the Democrats
still don’t know who their contender will be, they do know
who their contender won’t be. Joe Sestak and Steve Bullock have announced that they’re both
dropping out of the race. And I know, this is huge. -(laughter)
-Yeah. ‘Cause now it means
all the other Democrats can pick up their supporter. -(laughter) -But… even
with those two dropping out, there are still 16 candidates
left in this race. Because, you see,
every time a Democrat quits, more Democrats jump in. Yeah. Getting rid
of Democratic candidates is like shaving
an old man’s back hair. -It grows back twice as thick.
-(laughter, groans) I owed someone money.
It was a thing. And the newest hair on the back
of the Democratic primary is none other
than Michael Bloomberg, for… former mayor of New York and world’s richest
Lord of the Rings extra. -(laughter) -After entering
the race only last week, he’s already making
a big impression. There’s another big shake-up
this morning in the Democratic
presidential race. After months of speculation,
former New York mayor and billionaire Michael
Bloomberg made it official over the weekend he has thrown
his hat into the 2020 race. NEWSWOMAN:
After months of speculation, the former New York mayor
announcing his candidacy in a video Sunday, a part of a $35 million
media blitz. NEWSMAN:
He launched his campaign with the single largest
political advertising buy in U.S. history,
spending more than $30 million on ads that touted his record
as mayor of New York. Wow. Michael Bloomberg
has already bought more TV ads in one week
than anyone in history. I guess those are the perks
of being a billionaire. But he’s got to be careful–
because TV ads are a great way for getting noticed,
but too many TV ads can turn people against you. Yeah. Like the first time
I saw that Kars4Kids ad, I thought it was cute. And now my life’s mission is to destroy that organization. Every day:
♪ K-A-S-S, Kars4Kids ♪ ♪ K-A… ♪ (screams) I mean, don’t get me wrong,
it’s a good idea– kids should be given cars–
but it’s on TV all the time! And that’s what could happen
with Bloomberg, ’cause $30 million– like, if you were in one of
the states that he’s flooding with the ads, that’s all
you’re gonna see on TV. “Hi. I’m Michael Bloomberg.”
Change the channel. “It’s still me, Michael
Bloomberg.” Change the channel. “There’s something new
this month at Subway. -It’s me, Michael Bloomberg.”
-(laughter) So, while Bloomberg
is making news for how much
he’s spending on ads, Pete Buttigieg,
mayor of South Bend, Indiana, and kid who always asks
for more homework, is getting attention
for what he’s saying in his ads. Pete Buttigieg has a new kind of
position or an ad this weekend that was airing in Iowa about,
um, about education. Listen. I believe we should move to make college affordable
for everybody. There are some voices saying,
“Well, that doesn’t count “unless you go even further,
unless it’s free even for the kids
of millionaires.” But I only want to make promises
that we can keep. NEWSWOMAN:
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a Bernie Sanders supporter, slamming the new
Iowa frontrunner, tweeting: Ooh… Pete, you in trouble. This is an interesting one.
Pete Buttigieg says that he supports
free public college, but it shouldn’t apply
to rich people’s kids. And in response,
rich people said, “What the (bleep)
is a public college? Is that like a public toilet?
I think I’ve heard of those.” No, but jokes aside, like, this ad is getting
a lot of backlash, right? Because Buttigieg
has basically drawn criticism from the progressive wing
of his party, because, they argue, if the
government provides a service, the service should be available
to all of its citizens. Right? It’s the same way
a public library doesn’t ask how rich you are before they let you in
to masturbate. It’s a public library.
Everyone can masturbate. That’s what it’s there for. Now, despite the backlash,
Buttigieg’s campaign is still steadily on the rise. Meanwhile,
Kamala Harris’s campaign is headed
in the opposite direction. NEWSWOMAN:
While campaigning here, too, Senator Kamala Harris
presenting herself as a choice
to beat President Trump. The New York Times reports
her campaign is in turmoil, obtaining a resignation letter
from a top Harris aide who wrote: That aide,
according to the Times, jumping onto
Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s team. Bloomberg! I guess those ads worked
on one person. But yes, Kamala Harris’s
campaign is struggling, and some say, uh, it’s because she doesn’t have
a clear message. Others say it’s because
she put her sister in charge of the campaign.
And that makes sense. You should never mix business
and family unless you’re a plumber, in which case
you have to involve family. Yeah, here’s a little tip
for you guys. If a plumbing company name
doesn’t end in “and sons” or “and brothers,”
you can’t trust them. Something bad happened
in that family. You stay away. (laughter) Now, there is one Democrat who seems immune
to campaign gaffes, and that’s Joe Biden. He’s still the favorite
nationally, and he’s even bought himself
a sweet new ride. NEWSWOMAN: Today in Iowa,
the Joe Biden campaign bus on an eight-day, 18-county tour
of the first caucus state trying to rev up
his lagging poll numbers. His new ride branded
in Biden speak as the “No Malarkey” tour, he says,
to contrast President Trump. He is calling it
the “No Malarkey” bus tour. NEWSWOMAN 2: The bus tour comes
as Joe Biden went viral this weekend
when he was caught nibbling on his wife Jill’s finger
onstage during a campaign stop. Joe, no! No, Joe! Bad Joe! No biting. Don’t make me get
the spray bottle, Joe. Stop that! Look, I actually…
I actually think this was a cute moment
between a couple, all right? But… but it would be cuter
if it was at home instead of in the middle
of a rally. That makes it
a little bit weird. Like, nibbling
your wife’s fingers. It’s all about context. And also,
i-is Joe Biden’s slogan really gonna be “no malarkey”? That’s your slogan? “Yes, we can.” “Make America great again.” “No malarkey”? (laughter) What does that word even mean? Like, it sounds like the dish your vegan cousin serves
at Thanksgiving, you know? “It’s not turkey. It’s malarkey. “The main ingredient is mold. Namaste.”

100 Replies to “Bloomberg’s Bucks, Buttigieg’s Beef, and Biden’s Bite | The Daily Show”

  1. looks like your war against American values is failing, eh? whose the next narcissistic half-brained puppet you globalists are going to pull out of your assholes to compete in 2020? HILLARY??? good riddance you anti-American cretins…

  2. Courageous” WOMEN? Or MEN?
    Yeah, Right.
    ❌Trump ain’t the only lying bully❌
    ‼️What a lie, what a farce‼️
    It appears to be perfect fine to go after those that
    attack people of substance that testified
    And were rebuked for their testimony.
    Democrats, Political fighting UNIFICATION, Ha, Ha, Ha.
    Oh, you mean like Shillary Clinton whose BALD FACE LIES
    upon a sitting minority Congresswoman for POTUS⁉️
    A minority Young Woman of Color from our Island State✔️
    One who proudly serves as a Colonel in the
    United States Armed Service’s for many years ✔️
    That kinda UNIFICATION.
    She did it while troping out her book
    “. . . Gutsy Women” WHAT A JOKE ‼️
    Not even one of those JERKS said
    👉🏽 “Shillary , STOP‼️”
    NOT Even Bernie‼️
    They are
    I’m a vet and I’m proud to support Tulsi Gabbard for President‼️

  3. Only a candidate in his 70's would use "Malarkey" in a campaign slogan. I know because I'm 77. I think "Bullshit" would have been better.

  4. seriously Bloomburg and Joe need to quit. Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren need to be the front runners or we are in trouble

  5. I mean, if you can't manage a campaign and treat your staffers like competent adults, how the hell are you going to run a country? It's almost like Bloomberg knows how to manage a gigantic organization that helps people who support it. Kind of like some kind of natural born leader that draws out the best in people. You know, the type of person who would actually do right by the citizens of the country and have the foresight to run the most powerful country on the planet. Someone who isn't a complete fucking fraud in a cheap suit who runs things into the ground and literally bankrupts entire cities and turns good, honest Americans who ensure our safety against him. Now who would support an over-privileged whinny little bitch boy who has gone bankrupt in the FUCKING casino business several times? Who has shown himself to be overly emotional, terrible under pressure, incompetent, alienate our closest and strongest allies, aspire to fucking monsters like Kim Jung Un and Xi Jinping, and a risk not worth taking who is literally on trial right now for being a corrupt sack of shit. Hmm, I think I have an idea of who to support come primary elections.

  6. Don't let fucking billionaires into politics! Apart from probably not implementing policies that'd help to achieve the needed redistribution of wealth, putting someone like him in the white house just brings with it a ton of possible conflicts of interest to worry about.

    Btw the finger thing was kinda cute imo. Definitely the most likable (I refrain from inserting some wordplay with "lickable" here) he's been in a while. Biden's probably a decent person, he's just too boring and too conservative to deserve the presidency imo. Also, he bragged about drafting the Patriot Act smh.

  7. To be fair to Biden, I remember that one of his "gaffes" was saying that gay marriage should be legal. In turn this "gaffe" caused Obama and the rest of the Democrats to support that and it made it through the supreme court. Unlike some people, I keep track of politicians that look out for minority rights and the people of the US; politicians would do well to remember that when they run for office.

  8. I notice when ones wealth, millionaire, or billionaire status is mentioned, comments are filled with disdain. Why do people hate on the wealthy? Because you yourself are not? Some, not all, but some wealthy worked hard to earn the wealth he or she has amassed. Many do philanthropic work to contribute and put resources where they are truly needed. Oftentimes, this is done in private.
    Some are poor, in the middle, wealthy, or somewhere in between. While I do agree some may have it harder to advance in certain aspects of life, there are things one can do to improve ones financial status. Negativity towards those who have more is not one.

  9. wait until Biden gets investigated for holding back aid to fire the Ukrainian prosecutor investigating Burisma and Hunter.

  10. In Brazil, we have public and free universities along with the private ones, and I think I see Pete’s POV. In here, rich parents can afford the best education possible for their kids, the best books, teachers and school, so they can pass into a public college. On the other hand, poor kids who didn’t have a base good enough and didn’t pass, they have to go to the private universities and suffer the debts.
    To solve this problem, Brazil made a contingent (cotas), that established that certain seats had to be taken by black, mixed, poor and deficient kids. Even so, those rich kids that could afford private universities are still going to the public ones. And believe me when I say that’s disheartening to know that many kids that needed a public and free education couldn’t pass, while many who didn’t need the same are still enjoying the privilege.
    Also, in Brazil, there is a test to get into a college. So a good education since birth means you’re more likely to get a good grade, and good grades can get you into the top courses, like Med, Law and Engineering.

  11. Rich people's kids (unless you're really stupid) don't usually go to public college. Private colleges are genuinely a much better quality of education

  12. Joe Biden has dementia.

    The video of his rally in which he babbled on about his leg hairs and roaches is proof. He's probably going to die soon.

  13. noun: malarkey
    meaningless talk; nonsense.

    "The Trump Presidency is full of Malarkey."

  14. I think you got i1t wrong Trevor: "Pete said "affordable" – then, added "I could even go further….and make it free…even for the kids of millionaires…but I only wanna make promises that I can keep" – meaning he does NOT support FREE college AT ALL. Let's not misinform the audience please. The Republican talking point is that we cannot have free colleges. YW

  15. NO MORE BILLIONAIRES IN OFFICE. the political class is already exclusively self-serving, we don't need any further disparity between reps & constituencies.

  16. I hate to break it to you but buttigieg's got a point on this one. Maybe an education welfare system is what we could use, but it has to be applicable to all schools like the GI Bill; there can't be welfare schools and non welfare schools. By the way anyone interested in the concept can enlist, give back & serve, then use that system already in place. And I understand he was talking about community colleges but I think there's potential to expand the scope (if not at least down the line)
    And shit AOC way to foster the divide, bitch! Stop talking about GOP talking points and realize that there's just good points and bad points let's stop speculating them by party lines. Especially since this idea's pretty damn liberal anyway!
    Trevor it's a lot less like a library and much more like link/food stamps. Or do you think rich bitches need supplemental food assistance too?

  17. Enough already. I don't really care what ANY politicians private relationships are like. Don't care how they do or don't like to. Don't care who they do or don't do it with. Much more interested in what they plan to do to me.

  18. I think what Mayor Pete is doing is smart. If using GOP talking points get you their it! Remember the main objective is to defeat Drumpf.

  19. I find Joe Biden nibbling on his Wife's Finger cute😜 regardless if it's Public. Are couples not allow to PDA anymore 🙄… mtcheew.

    When you have an Idiot in Chief who brags about Grabbing Other People's Women Pussy 😡

  20. No more old people should be running for president. Only people 35-55 should be running. There needs to be a limit. Old people are so out of touch with the rest of the country.

  21. Trevor is a Deep State puppet…his audience is so fucking brainwashed that they went out and voted for Robert Byrd's protege.

    LOLOL. Fucking morons.


    Trevor is Hillary's puppet…and Hillary was mentored by a KKK Grand Cyclops. Such a fucking shame.

  23. I live in NY and no one talk about Biden…how the hell he’s top on polls? Huh? That guy won’t see my vote or anyone else around me lol

  24. If they are not careful, Kamala will put them in jail, along with all the other Black people she put in jail for weed

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