Somebody sent me a link to a website for Christian comedy, which apparently is in big demand in the United States, of all places. And it even has its own association, the Christian Comedy Association, and they run a mentoring service for Christian comedians to ensure that they always use “God-honoring” material. They’ll also monitor the comedians’ private lives to help keep them on the correct Christian happy trail. Isn’t that considerate, and thorough? Christian comedy appears to be a kind of decaf comedy for people who don’t want the real thing because it makes them jumpy and jittery. So, typically, a Christian comedian will only tell the kind of jokes that you could happily tell to Jesus. as if Jesus was some kind of innocent abroad, some delicate sheltered flower who needs protecting, and not in fact one of the most worldly individuals who ever walked the planet, both solid and liquid portions thereof. Surely the joke doesn’t exist that you couldn’t tell Jesus. Isn’t that the whole point of Jesus? He’s supposed to be universal. He’s supposed to be within us all. So he knows all the jokes anyway, and to pretend otherwise is more than a little patronising, wouldn’t you say? Besides, if you told him a sick joke he could probably heal it for you, and then you could witness and testify to his magnificence while you were getting that big laugh. What could be more glorious for a Christian comedian, apart from maybe sex with a nun. Personally, if I wanted to make Jesus laugh, I wouldn’t tell him a joke. I’d just give him an Easter egg. I’d say: “There you go, pal. That’s what it all amounts to. “Enjoy. You’ve earned it.” Not that I would really expect him to laugh at that, because frankly I think any kind of levity would be wasted on Jesus, as he doesn’t appear to have had a sense of humour. You’d think that somebody with his charisma and vitality would have had a healthy sense of humour that would be evident somewhere in the Gospels, but no. We never hear about Jesus laughing, or even smiling. And he had plenty of opportunity. He wasn’t a hermit. We know that he socialised, and drank wine, by all accounts, yet not once do we hear about him laughing or cracking a joke. Not even something as innocuous as: “I wouldn’t say my wife was fat, “because I haven’t got one. I’m celibate, and I’m a virgin “just like my dear old mum”, which is not really a joke at all, of course, but a statement of historical fact, as everyone knows. I’m just playing devil’s advocate here (not that Satan needs me to fight his battles – he’s got organised religion for that) but it seems to me that if the idea of being a Christian is to be more like Jesus, then given Jesus’ marked lack of anything resembling a sense of humour, surely the very idea of Christian comedy is sacrilegious. I’m no biblical scholar, as you can probably tell, but it just seems to me self-evident that to be a Christian comedian you’ve got to be absolutely nothing at all like Jesus, which is the same as actively embracing Satan, I would have thought. So it doesn’t really matter how squeaky clean your material is if you’re dirty because you’re scallywagging around with old Satan. So, my advice to Christian comedians is to cut out the laughter before it’s too late, get back to praising Jesus with a long face, and hope he hasn’t noticed. And I know that’s the last thing you want to hear right now, guys, but I promise you’ll thank me come the rapture.