Comedian Jim Gaffigan Has Too Many Children


MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT JUST
RELEASED HIS FIFTH STANDUP SPECIAL. AND LIKE ALL OF THEM THEY’RE
FANTASTIC! PLEASE WELCOME ONE OF MY
FAVORITE COMEDIANS, JIM GAFFIGAN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ KEEP ON ROCKIN’ IN THE FREE
WORLD ♪>>Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.>>GOOD TO BE HERE.>>Stephen: YOU’RE ROCKIN’ A
LITTLE BIT OF A DIFFERENT LOOK RIGHT NOW.>>THIS IS– WELL, THIS IS A
MUSTACHE.>>Stephen: I WHAT IT IS. IN THE WITNESS RELOCATION
PROGRAM?>>I’M DOING SOME PORN. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: GOING BACK TO YOUR
ROOTS?>>YEAH, GOING BACK– IT’S NOT
LIKE I HAD ENORMOUS, HIGH, SELF-ESTEEM, BUT I WANTED TO SEE
HOW LOW I COULD GO. THIS– THIS IS FOR AN ACTING
ROLE. I’M GOING TO BE IN “FARGO” THIS
SEASON.>>Stephen: OH, FANTASTIC. ( APPLAUSE )
I CAN BUY YOU– I CAN BUY YOU AS–
>>MIDWESTERNER.>>Stephen: IT’S A BIT OF A
STRETCH.>>QUITE A STRETCH. PLAY A WHITE BREAD GUY. GOING TO PULL IT OFF. I THINK I CAN PULL IT OFF.>>Stephen: I THINK SO, TOO. YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT
EVERYBODY LOVES ABOUT YOU, I THINK EVERYBODY LIKES YOUR
MATERIAL– I LISTEN TO IT WITH MY KIDS, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I
LOVE IT. THEY LOVE IT. IT’S NOT DIRTY. IT’S CLEAN MATERIAL, FOR THE
MOST PART, AND IT’S NOT POLITICAL. NOBODY CAN FIGURE OUT– YOU
KNOW, EVERYBODY THINKS YOU AGREE WITH THEM, I BET.>>I THINK THERE IS SOME OF
THAT. MY MATERIAL IS CLEAN BECAUSE
JESUS TOLD ME TO BE CLEAN. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: HE TOLD ME TO BE
CLEAN, TOO, BUT… ( LAUGHTER )
>>I DO THINK THAT, YOU KNOW– IT’S WEIRD. BECAUSE I MEAN, I’M GRATEFUL
THAT A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE COME TO MY SHOW, AND I DO
SOMETIMES THINK THAT THEY ATTRIBUTE THEIR BELIEFS TO ME
BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE LIBERAL, BUT I LOOK LIKE A REPUBLICAN
SENATOR FROM THE 50s. ( LAUGHTER )
SO I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ASSUME THAT I’M ON THEIR SIDE. AND I ALSO– MAYBE I’M A BREAK
FROM IT, YOU KNOW, A BREAK FROM– AND THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT
DO IT MUCH BETTER THAN ME. AND, YOU KNOW, I’M SOMEBODY WHO
CAN TALK ABOUT MANY MUFFINS.>>Stephen: LIKE NOBODY ELSE,
MY FRIEND, LIKE NOBODY ELSE.>>IT’S ART.>>Stephen: YOU CAN MAKE THE
MUFFINS SING.>>MAKE IT IMPORTANT.>>Stephen: WHAT ABOUT YOUR
KIDS.>>MY KIDS.>>Stephen: ARE YOUR KIDS– DO
THEY HAVE POLITICAL OPINIONS?>>MY KIDS HAVE INSANE POLITICAL
OPINIONS.>>Stephen: YOU HAVE FIVE.>>I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN.( APPLAUSE )
SOME PEOPLE– THERE’S ALWAYS
SOME CLAPPING AND THEN THE REST
OF THEM ARE LIKE, “WELL, YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF.” AND I DO HAVE FIVE KIDS. AND IT’S A LOT OF KIDS. FRANKLY, IT’S TOO MANY. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: ARE YOU FROM A BIG FAMILY?>>I’M ONE OF SIX. MY WIFE IS ONE OF NINE. AND IT’S —
>>Stephen: I’M ONE OF 11.>>ONE OF 11. AND IT’S JUST– I MEAN, I LOVE
MY KIDS. THEY’RE– THEY’RE MY GROUP. BUT WE’RE LESS OF A FAMILY. WE’RE MORE OF A MOB. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW, WE LITERALLY– I WAS IN– I WAS DOING SHOWS IN LONDON
LAST WEEKEND, AND THAT’S– YOU KNOW, HOW YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH
JET LAG IS WITH FOUR KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF 12. AND I WOULD BRING MY TIRED,
SLEEPY, POORLY BEHAVED CHILDREN INTO A RESTAURANT, AND THE
HORROR ON THE WAITSTAFF’S FACES. I THINK I SAW A WAITRESS QUIT
HER JOB? ( LAUGHTER )
SHE LOOKED AT MY CHILDREN, TOOK OFF HER APRON, THREW IT ON THE
REGISTER, AND WALKED OUT. NOW, SHE COULD HAVE BEEN GETTING
OFF HER SHIFT, BUT I LIKE TO THINK SHE QUIT AND WENT HOME AND
HUNG HERSELF. ( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE IT’S– IT’S A LOT. BUT THAT’S MY GROUP. THAT’S —
>>Stephen: IN LONDON, SO HOW LONG WERE YOU GUYS OVER THERE
WITH THE KIDS?>>WE WERE THERE FOR FOUR DAYS.>>Stephen: WHAT WERE THE KIDS
LIKE? DID THEY GO TO THE TOWER OF
LONDON, THINGS LIKE THAT?>>WE WENT TO ALL THE TOURIST
SIGHTS, BUT I THINK MY KIDS REALLY ENJOYED– THEY LOVED THE
M&M STORE.>>Stephen: I HEARD THEY’VE
GOT A GOOD ONE.>>THEY’VE GOT A GOOD ONE. AND I TELL YOU, AS AN AMERICAN,
SEEING THE M&M STORE, IT DOESN’T MAKE ME EMBARRASSED TO BE AN
AMERICAN. IT MAKES ME EMBARRASSED TO BE A
HUMAN. ( LAUGHTER )
I LIKE M&Ms, BUT I NEVER THOUGHT, “WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO
OPEN AN MAN MSTORE.”>>Stephen: ISN’T EVERY STORE
AN M&M STORE? WHERE CAN’T YOU BUY THEM?>>EXACTLY.>>Stephen: YOU GO TO THE
ANTIQUE STORE AND SAY, “I’LL TAKE THE COUCH, AND DO YOU HAVE
ANY M&Ms.”>>AND THERE ARE THREE LESTLES. THERE’S THE FIRST LOCAL OFFICIAL
FOR M&Ms, AND THEN THERE’S ANOTHER LEVEL FOR M&Ms, AND
THE THIRD LEVEL I IMAGINE IS WHERE THEY KILL THE PEOPLE WHO
GO TO THE M&M STORE. BY THE WAY, THERE’S NOTHING
WRONG IF YOU LIKE GOING TO THE M&M STORE BUT YOU SHOULDN’T BE
ALLOWED TO VOTE. LET’S BE SERIOUS. RIGHT? WE HAVE AN AGE LIMIT. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ).>>Stephen: I WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS IS NEAR AND DEAR TO MY
HEART. YOU OPENED– WHEN THE POPE WAS
HERE LAST YEAR.>>YES.>>Stephen: OR TWO YEARS AGO
AT THIS POINT, RIGHT?>>IT’S ALL A BLUR.>>Stephen: A YEAR AND A HALF
AGO, HE WENT TO WILL PHILLY AND YOU OPENED FOR THE POPE.>>I KNOW, IT’S CRAZY.>>Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE
TO OPEN FOR THE POPE. DID YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR STAND-UP
IN LATIN?>>I’M CATHOLIC, YOU’RE
CATHOLIC. BUT I’M NOT A GOOD CATHOLIC. LIKE, IF THERE WAS A TEST FOR
CATHOLICS, I WOULD FAIL, YOU KNOW,.>>Stephen: I THINK YOU’RE
PROBABLY A BETTER CATHOLIC THAN I AM.>>BUT MOST CATHOLICS WOULD
FAIL, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY THERE’S NOT A TEST, YOU KNOW. ( LAUGHTER )
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH WAS LIKE, “LOOK, WE’VE LOST TOO MANY
PEOPLE ALREADY.” BUT I GOT TO OPEN FOR THE POPE. BUT HE WASN’T THERE WHEN I WAS
DOING STAND-UP.>>Stephen: THIS IS YOU
SHAKING HANDS WITH PAPA.>>AND BY THE WAY, THAT’S MY
MOTHER-IN-LAW, THE MOTHER OF NINE CHILDREN. SHE’S LIKE A SHIITE CATHOLIC, SO
SHE WAS VERY EXCITE GLD THIS GUY BACK HERE?>>THAT’S WAR GLEZ THIS GIERKS
WHY IS THE SALT BAY GUY BEHIND THE POPE BACK THERE?>>HE IS, SIMILAR TO ME, A LATIN
HEARTTHROB. HE IS A FAMOUS LATIN–
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NO, IT WAS– IT WAS AT– IN PHILADELPHIA, THE FESTIVAL OF
FAMILIES, PHILADELPHIA, THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE, WHICH IF
YOU’VE BEEN TO PHILLY, YOU KNOW THEY MEAN THAT SARCASTICALLY. ( LAUGHTER )
I MEAN, I LOVE PHILLY, BUT PHILLY, THE CITY OF BROTHERLY
LOVE, THEY MEAN THAT THE WAY YOU’D SAY, “SYRIA, A PLACE FOR
PEACE.” YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BUT I LOVE PHILADELPHIA. I HAVE TO TAIL WHEN I WAS AT THE
SOUND CHECK, I WENT FOR THE SOUND CHECK, AND IT WAS PRETTY
SCARY. I WENT OUT AND THEY CONSTRUCTED
THIS OUTDOOR AMPHITHEATER.>>AND LOOKED ON THE HIGHWAY,
AND THE AMPHITHEATER WAS EMPTY, AND ON THE HIGHWAY THERE WAS A
MILLION PEOPLE ALREADY THERE AT THE SOUND CHECK. AND I LOOKED APT THOSE PEOPLE
AND I THOUGHT, WOW. A MILLION PEOPLE THAT DON’T WANT
TO SEE ME DO STAND-UP COMEDY, BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE WERE THERE
TO SEE THE POPE, AND NOT ONE OF THEM WAS THINKING, “I HOPE THE
POPE HAS A COMEDIAN OPEN FOR HIM.”>>Stephen: DID YOU HAVE ANY
POPE MATERIAL?>>DISOME POPE MATERIAL BUT I
WAS NERVOUS AT THE SOUND CHECK. I WAS LIKE, ALL RIGHT, I HAVE TO
COME UP WITH PHILADELPHIA JOKES, BUT I THOUGHT WHAT DO I KNOW
ABOUT PHILADELPHIA? I KNOW THE LIBERTY BELL, I KNOW
THE CHEESE STAKE, AND I JUST WATCHED ESPN “30 FOR 30”
DOCUMENTARY ABOUT EAGLES FANS THROWING SNOWBALLS AT SANTA. NOT ON THE BRAND OF BROTHERLY
LOVE. SO WHEN I WAS FINALLY
INTRODUCED, THERE WAS STILL NO ONE IN THE AMPHITHEATER, BECAUSE
THE POPE WASN’T THERE. BECAUSE I ESSENTIALLY OPENED FOR
THE POPE MOBILE. I FIGURED, ALL RIGHT, I’LL JUST
DO MY SET. I SAID, “IT’S GOING GOODTO BE
HERE IN PHILADELPHIA, EXPWIT HEARD THE ROAR FROM THE CROWD ON
THE HIGHWAY. I SAID I’LL PLAY TO THE CROWD ON
THE HIGHWAY. PHILLY LOVES THE POPE. ANOTHER ROAR. AND I SAID, “NOT THAT I WAS
WORRIED, BUT YOU GUYS WEREN’T THAT NICE TO SANTA CLAUS.” NOTHING. SILENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN I HEARD SOMETHING THAT SOUND LIKE BOOING– WELL–
BECAUSE IT WAS BOOING. BUT IT WASN’T EVERYONE. IT WAS, LIKE 10%. SO, LIKE, 100,000 PEOPLE BOOING
MY SANTA JOKE BEFORE THEY SAW THEIR RELIGIOUS LEADER WHO WAS
GOING TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT MERLSY. ( LAUGHTER )
AND SO I SWITCHED, AND I KIND OF ADJUSTED MY ACT. AND EVENTUALLY I HAD AN
OPPORTUNITY TO MEET THE POPE. AND I WAS IN THIS ROOM, AND
EVERYONE WAS SAYING SOMETHING TO THE POPE, AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT
TO SAY. SO WHEN IT FINALLY CAME MY TURN
I SAID, “DON’T BRENG YOU WANT SANTA INCIDENT.” ( LAUGHTER )
AND THE POPE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING, BUT HE GAVE ME A LOOK
LIKE, “DUDE, I WOULD NEVER BRING THAT UP.”>>Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
LITTLE BREAK HERE. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
JIM GAFFIGAN.

100 Replies to “Comedian Jim Gaffigan Has Too Many Children”

  1. I got 36 seconds in and Colbert interrupts gaffigan to make his own joke before the real comedian could get out his first joke. Stephen is a self centered prick who can’t facilitate the show, he has to be the show and only invite people on so he has someone to upstage.
    I came to this vid for gaffigans entertainment value not to watch Colbert shit all over the flow of said comedian

  2. "I do have 5 kids, it's a lot of kids … and frankly, it's too many." … "I love my family. I love my group. But we're less of a family and more of a mob." … perfect set-up for the waitress bit!

  3. Oh Stephen, I guarantee Jim's a better Catholic than you are. Most people, even non-Catholics are better Cstholics than you are.

  4. He’s literally doing part of his stand up routine …instead of actually having an actual interview. Only difference , is that he wasn’t standing up

  5. 3:50 Jim's more complete account of London's M&M Store: "I was walking through Piccadilly Circus and I saw they had an M&M Store. And I looked at that M&M store and it just made me think of all the things the British have given America, like our language, Shakespeare, the Magna Carta, and I looked at the M&M Store and I thought, "Now we're even!"😊

  6. Gaffigan is such a lowkey badass.

    The city of "Brotherly love", Santa, and the pope. So much irony & hypocricy of humanity summed up in a brilliant one liner:

    "you guys weren't very nice to santa."

    (Likening the pope to Santa is also a low-key questioning of religion. Perfect!)

    Jim, you beautiful albino manatee, you!

  7. Mr. President Donald Trump loves this show and he would like you to
    practice this way.
    Remorsefully confess with your heart your sins to Jesus Christ who is
    God and tell Him that you right now are repenting of your sins and you
    want to be born again of the Spirit from above. Tell Jesus that you are
    remorsefully sorry for breaking His commandments and that you are
    begging for forgiveness from Him. Allow His blood from the cross to
    wash away your sins. After this is done with your heart successfully
    the Holy Spirit will come to live within you and He will rebuild you
    from the inside out. Look for signs that you are living righteously.
    Things like spreading the good news from Jesus, getting other people
    saved, a craving for the word of God, reading the Bible etc. These
    things are known as a calling and fruit bearing. If you're not bearing
    fruit then keep doing it. Sometimes it takes time to get saved. Read
    Matthew chapter 13 from the King James Bible. God bless!

  8. Hey Colbert, aren't you one of the white elitists who have destroyed America for all the sjw's and other retards like them? Or since you're a liberal, are you a self hating cuckold emasculated man? Either way, you suck.

  9. 5:43 Shaking hands with the CEO of a world-wide pedophile ring and introduction service for pervy old priests – what an honor! Colbert is also a devoted member of the same organization. They must be very proud! (Incidental declaration of amazement and I seem to be in a minority with this opinion: Does anybody look at people dressed like that, you know, cardinals, bishops, etc., and think "What the fuck does that loony look like?!" Why aren't people just falling down laughing at the way these fools dress?!)

  10. Pittsburgh is the friendly city in PA. Id argue people are a little too polite here. get us in trouble when we go to less friendly places.

  11. the whole comment about the m&m store he pulled straight from his own standup routine. pretty sure colbert noticed it, but still made him think it was original nonetheless. still, very funny guy imho.

  12. Your family's a mob. You should do a tour called: The Jim Gaffigans riot tour, and your kids could take up all the aisles in the theater and run crazily towards the stage, and you could do a remake of the three stooges ×2 on crack!!

  13. I've just discovered this guy. I'm binge watching as much YT stuff that I find. Love his delivery and the fact he doesn't need to swear.

  14. I'm glad you were smart enough to not steal Steve Martin's Pope joke; they would have killed you!

  15. In a WESTERN ? He would be the Greedy Despicable murdering Land Grabbing Barron. Well he could Look The Part with a Frown.

  16. If you listen to any extended interview with Jim Gaffigan where he's talking with other funny people, he always says a few a jokes a lot darker than his stand up specials (like the waitress hanging herself here) and I LOVE THAT. To his own admission, he's really not that religious it's more his wife and he used to be pretty raunchy back in his early stand up career. I love that Jim Gaffigan may seem like just a Midwestern comic you can pigeon hole into just making clean cut food related jokes, when in reality he's so much more than that, and better than that.

  17. Jim Gaffigan looks like if Mia Malkova overdosed on hamburgers, had a horrible sex change operation and got doused in feather.

  18. I went to the M&M store in London. I can't eat them as I am gluten/lactose free so they suggested Skittles none of the above in them. Great, lollies I can eat, then I had an allergic reaction to them so I guess not 😢😢😢

  19. I am glad to know you are a comedian. I love your jokes. It has make my life very happy specially while driving for Uber and lyft. I had Pandora and i would play your comedy hour for my passengers and believe me it has made us laugh our guts out our ears while online doing rideshare for two years. Love you!!. Happy to know you have a beautiful family. Thank you.

  20. Bill Cosby was considered clean in the day………… When was the last time you exposed yer kids to the Noah jokes? https://youtu.be/lMH_uVu2Acs

  21. He has five kids and opened for the Pope…what a Catholic!! I wonder if he gave any of his children for rape…you know…for the Lord.

  22. "I like to think she quit and went home". Funny. "and hung herself". Somehow hilarious. That London M&M store in London – when it showed up I was just so confused. I mean – it's huge. Its rent must be astronomical – I just kept asking – so what do they sell in all that space? Just M&Ms? I don't understand. I suppose it's just the most expensive ad space in the world.

  23. Gaffigan is funny BECAUSE he's non-political. It's embarrassing what comedy has become. Clapter and moral pandering. Jim tells actual jokes.

  24. Gaffigan is funny BECAUSE he's non-political. It's embarrassing what comedy has become. Clapter and moral pandering. Jim tells actual jokes.

  25. As a non Catholic from a Catholic majority country just thinking about a comedian opening for the Pope is insane . America, seriously?

  26. To see Colbert bend over and do that quiet hard laugh when someone says something insanely funny…. I’m jealous.

  27. Crazy, as soon as I started watching this interview, I got this amazing craving for a Hot pocket…Come on, honestly am I the only one?l??..

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