– Let’s hear it for my man
Orlando Baxter. – [audience cheering] – Hello.
– AUDIENCE: Hi. – Yeah, my name is Orlando. If you can’t tell by my accent,
I’m black. So, let me–I got to say that
to people sometimes, you know? You got a name like Orlando.
people think you’re Hispanic. They get all excited
when they see you. Then they get disappointed
when you’re not. You know what I mean? They be in my face,
“Oralandito! Orlando, que paso?” I’m like “Sorry.
I’m basketball black, not baseball black.” – [audience laughing] – I enjoy being black. I love it. The thing that I don’t
enjoy though is the questions. You always get these questions. Sometimes you ain’t
even in the mood for them. Like one time I was going to
the beach, I stopped at a store, walked in asked the lady
at the counter, I said, “Hey, can you point me to the
aisle where the sunblock’s at?” She looked at me,
said, “For what?” – [audience laughing] – I was like, “‘Cause I got
a white girl tied up in my trunk, that’s why, right?” And she goes, “Oh my God.
I didn’t mean it like that. “I wasn’t trying to be
racist or anything. Please forgive me,
please forgive me.” And I did, whatever. However, I did think it was
a little bit weird, because if I did have a white girl
tied up in the trunk, she didn’t care, right? – [audience laughing] – Then she goes, “You know,
I just–I just, honestly, I didn’t know. I did not know
black people used sunblock.” And at this point
in the conversation, I probably should have
walked away, but I was curious, you know? I was like,
“What do you think we use?” – [audience laughing] – She goes, “Well, I just
thought you guys had the ability.” I said, “Ability? Like a superhero or something?” She said, “No, I just–I just
thought you guys had the ability to absorb the sun.” What? – [audience laughing] – You think black people go to
the beach all day to charge up? Just be laying out there.
– [audience laughing] – Come on, sun, give it to me
so I can run faster. – [audience laughing] – I was a high school teacher
for 12 years, right? I had a difficult job. I was the in-school suspension
teacher, man. – [audience oohs]
– Yeah, It was tough. It was tough,
you know my problem– I used to laugh too much.
I used to laugh too much. Like one time they sent me
a Dominican kid, ’cause he accidentally broke
a window in class. Accidentally. I said,
“Jose, how you accidentally break a window in class?” He said, [with Spanish accent]
“It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault.
The Teacher–” He called his teacher a T-shirt.
– [audience laughing] – “It’s not my fault,
the teacher– the teacher said to me
to–to crack the window.” I said, “Wait, what?” – [audience laughing] – He said, “Yeah, the teacher
said to me to crack the window, “and I say, ‘Teacher, you want
me to crack the window?’ “And she said yes.
I crack the window. It’s not my fault.” And as a teacher, you ain’t
supposed to laugh. I laughed my ass off. You ever laugh so hard
you fart a little bit? Okay. Sorry. Sorry. He got so mad. “It’s not my fault!
Don’t laugh.” Then I started feeling bad
for him, because I was like, “Damn,
what if he don’t change?” – [audience laughing] – That would be crazy
if he didn’t change. Can you imagine like ten years
later he at the police station, cops like, “Jose, why’d you
shoot that Chinese maid?” It’s like, It’s not my fault! It’s not my fault! “The boss–the boss said to me,
‘Do you want a cappuccino?’ and I say”–
– [audience laughing] – Hey, guys, that’s been
all my time, thank you. – [audience cheering]