Well, everyone– This guy was crazy
about this Bieber wedding. He’s been talking about it
all show. Um, they got married
in South Carolina yesterday. Tons of their celebrity friends
showed up. I guess being a millionaire
makes it easier to go to a destination wedding
on a Monday. Um, here are some
of their pictures. They’re a good-looking couple. -There’s this stuff.
-Hmm. This is their wedding swag,
a bedazzled bottle of champagne, a, uh, trucker hat and, uh, whatever’s going on
with the water. Um… Who was their wedding planner,
Honey Boo Boo? What’s going on? Looks like
a hurricane relief fund. This is a hurricane relief,
uh, basket? Yeah. I have gold-plated Funyuns
when people come over. That’s not even for events.
That’s just to watch football. I’m gonna… I’m just gonna
right away embrace being the old guy on the panel
and just say, I don’t know when rock… the big rock star thing
was to… In-in my… in my day, the big
rock star thing was, like, Jim Morrison moving to Paris to drink himself to death
in a bathtub, not move to South Carolina
and just go normcore. -You know what I mean? Like,
there’s no… -SPADE: Yeah. …”I got to go coach a kid’s
soccer team in the suburbs.” -Yeah.
-This made me feel old, too. Because I remember,
it was just yesterday I was covering Justin Bieber’s
DUI arrest. Remember he was drag-racing -down in Florida?
-Oh. That’s right. And now,
he’s on his second wedding… OSWALT:
They grow up like it’s… Yeah. …in a retirement community
with his chiropractor there? Why does he have
his chiropractor there? The picture
of those two kissing. It was a beautiful
lesbian wedding. I loved it. (laughter) SPADE:
They are cute. -ROCK: Yeah.
-SIVAN: They are cute. We do care a lot
about celebrity weddings, and I, uh… I do. But I don’t like when the girls
do the bachelorette party, and they still have the wieners
on the hats. I see ’em in Vegas.
I go, “Can we ever break this?” It seems… I guess they’re
young, but when you get older, it seems like they have to go
through the whole rigamarole with the thing and the bride,
and they’re all… (mutters) -I’m not gonna fix this today.
-OSWALT: I always, like… I always, like… I see them
all the time in Vegas. I know exactly
what you’re talking about. Those bachelorette parties. But whenever I see a group
of them with the big penis hats, you can always spot the one girl who lost the argument
as to not wearing those. Like, you see in her face like, “I guess we’re all
gonna wear…” You know? She tried to go, “Can we maybe
just not wear the penis hats?” -“On your third wedding,
can we skip the, uh…?” -Yeah. -Yeah.
-Oh, you know… Why do bachelorettes
try not to get laid with all of the fanfare
that they wear on their heads? I know, and they’re supposed
to make themselves appealing. It’s the opposite of what
they do at bachelor parties. Yeah, exactly. Oh, they gave…
they gave away these shirts. Did you see this?
“The Biebers.” That looks like a bib. -SIVAN: I mean…
-OSWALT: Well, yeah. “Hello. T-shirt Factory?
Cancel your weekend. We need 600 of these by Monday.” All right, we’ll move on. -Uh…
-JOHNNY: Hey, oh, hey, Spade? SPADE: Oh. Uh, oh, hey,
it’s Johnny, our sketchy P.A. Hey, uh,
just sorry to interrupt, but there’s no toilet paper
in any of the bathrooms. -In any of them?
-Yeah. No. Who do we talk to
about that? I mean, I got a bit
of a situation. Um, you. That’s your job.
That’s who we talk to. JOHNNY:
My job, huh? -Okay.
-Hey, wait a minute. That’s a Bieber, uh… That’s a wedding shirt.
Did you go to the wedding? Yeah. Yeah, yup, yeah, I did. No, seriously, back to this. Does this mean I’ve got,
like, a… I’ve got this? I have a heart condition
or something? -SPADE: No.
-I’ve got skinny arms. I see you on those belly fat ads
on my computer. I didn’t know that was you. Uh, listen, never mind.
Oh, you… You say, you got invited
to the wedding? No. (laughs) I tunneled in,
Shawshank style. (laughter) -You know, I go to a lot
of weddings like that. -Oh. Well, this is big news, Johnny. Can you give us an exclusive
report on what you saw? Okay. Uh… They got married, I guess? Yeah. And? Yes? Oh, I, uh, and, uh… And I got this T-shirt
out of Kylie Jenner’s purse. (laughter) You know, she doesn’t carry much
cash for being a billionaire. Just this T-shirt
and some big hoop earrings that I… I sold to my wife. (laughter) -You steal a lot?
-(Johnny laughs) Yeah. (laughter) Okay. Back to you
in the studio, Spade. (applause and cheering) You don’t say, “Back to me.”
I say… Whatever. All right, it’s over.