Comedy Central Stand-Up Presents – Season Preview

– How you doin’ New Orleans,
you beautiful goddamn city?! – [Announcer] Be
the first to see the next big names in standup on Comedy Central
Stand-Up Presents. – You guys could probably
tell this by looking at me, but I have been fired a lot. (audience laughing) – Hilary, like she was
supposed to be my bitch, and I hated her the whole time. Like, I voted for her but
only ’cause Barack told me to. – If you’re with
somebody passed a year and they’re still
holding you old night, you are dating a serial killer. – I am gay as hell. I’m great at it. I was sitting there being black, and I was like you know what, give me another thing. – Well, that’s great! – Woo woo woo woo do do. – What?! – I’m from Colorado,
so I’m chill as (beeps) Do I tie a little bandana
around my dog’s neck? Well, I don’t know. Depends on how
chill I’m feeling. – Another fun fact about me, is that I am almost always doing exactly what a Trump supporter
imagines that I’m doing. It’s a lot of fun. – I can’t hang out with
people wearing windbreakers ’cause it sounds like
they’re whispering secrets. (ruffling) Say it to my face! – You all ever go down
on a man whose penis is so small you feel
like you wanna fill out a W-9 so you get
money at the end of that? – Loosen your bundles up. – Look at what I’m working with. – I’m gonna get a little nasty. – At the beginning of yoga class when they ask you to
set your intention. And I always set my
intention for revenge. – In the middle of
kissing, she told me that she wanted me to choke her. Now, I don’t know about you guys but I have arthritis
in my hands. – If an old lady in a
nursing home said the N-word and all her friends are deaf, did she really say it? – I tried exercise. I didn’t realize that you
needed to wear a sports bra and I almost ripped my tits off. – Skinny girls will take
an Instagram picture maybe show a little boob,
a little bit of butt, people are like,
“Oh, what a slut! “They’re such a slut!” I do it, and they’re like, “Oh.” (audience laughing) – [Announcer] Comedy
Central Stand-Up Presents premieres Friday,
September 15th at midnight. – You go girl! (upbeat music)

11 Replies to “Comedy Central Stand-Up Presents – Season Preview”

  1. I'm an aspiring stand up act. check out the channel and I'll prolly let you down but your doing nothing better so check out my jokes.

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