Demetri Martin – Standup Comedian. – Fog Machine


I know a girl who’s a tease,
but she’s not cute enough for
that. So she’s an “annoy.” At the battle of the bands,
the loser’s always the audience. [harmonica playing] ♪ I lost my fog machine ’cause I left it running
for too long. ♪ I don’t know how fog
got associated with partying. ♪ “This weather is
way too dangerous to drive in. You guys want to dance?” ♪ I can move objects with my mind
if I use my hands. ♪ I want to fill a piñata
with actual animal guts. That’s what I call
a surprise party, kids. [harmonica playing] ♪ I said to my friend,
“Hey, can I ask you
a trick question?” He said, “No.”
I said, “Too late, bitch.” ♪ I’ve met people
who are passive-aggressive, but I never met anyone
who was aggressive-passive. “I don’t want tacos!
Maybe.” [harmonica playing] ♪ Most stick people
are black. ♪ When I was in high school,
these twins got mono. They got stereo. ♪ I’m a man of my word,
and that word is “unreliable.” ♪ When I take photos,
I count to five. ‘Cause that’s when people
start getting real. At one, they’re like,
“I’m gonna be in a photo. I got a face idea.
Okay, here it comes.” At two, “here it is.”
At three… At four,
“What’s going on?” At five, “What the fu–?”
Snap. [harmonica playing]
[applause]

68 Replies to “Demetri Martin – Standup Comedian. – Fog Machine”

  1. It's a different style of comedy. If you don't like it, that's fine, it's not for everyone. But get off your damn high horse and realize that your opinion isn't fact.

  2. Best comedian out. So creative and can make a joke about almost anything. Such a different style than most guys out today. Keep it coming, Demetri!!! It's been too long!!!

  3. Man, what show is this from? Is this what his audio album is from? I thought I had everything of his and can't find anything on Amazon or anything that looks like this.

  4. Once I was backstage at a Michael Martin Murphy Christmas concert (Mighty Morphin' Murphy, I call him), and I was standing right next to the button for the fog machine, but I didn't realize it. The guy who was running the fog machine turned to me and said "Hey, I have to go to the bathroom. Could you just push this button a couple of times for me while I'm gone? It runs the fog machine." "Sure", I said, "no problem!" So after he left I pushed the button, but nothing happened (he had failed to mention to me that it had a delay). So I thought "Hmmm. Damn thing isn't working." I then pushed it and pushed it over and over again, about 15 or 20 times.
    Next thing I know, fog is rolling out from the now socked-in stage, engulfing the entire first 6 or 8 rows of the audience. Mighty Morphin Murphy was a good sport about it, though. He told them "We should start doing this for every show!" And they all had a good laugh.
    I quietly crept out the back door and walked home alone in the rain…

  5. why cut it???. but man this guy is great, funny and unique. his short jokes are great cause he doesn't need exaggerated stories or over acting of story telling. it's like getting punched in the face with a joke. out of nowhere. but i like it.

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