(TV NARRATOR) “The armadillo
mates in July and August. Given their polygamous nature,
females can mate with over fifteen…”.
PlayStation? The armadillo has fried my brain. (TV NARRATOR) “…like bears,
armadillos are able to pause their pregnancies. They can have an embryo
in standby…”. Yeah, it’s shit. Turn it off.
No, no. What’s with you and armadillos? Nothing, she’s interested
in what’s happening in the world. (TV NARRATOR) “…survive
the gestation. With an absence of antibodies
she has caught leprosy, one of the main causes
of death…”. The armadillo
has been disarmed. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) You’re an idiot, mate. Yeah, but I remember
my dates with friends. Come on, Jordi.
I’ve said sorry 30 000 times. You like to play the victim.
What’s wrong? Afri, she has Alzheimer’s.
Like you never forget me. No, I’m the perfect friend.
And the day of that low-key party? (LAUGHS) The party
with Scarlett’s friends. Great! (IRONICALLY) Great. No more parties with you and them,
not even if they paid me. Those snobs aren’t your friends. We’re your gang.
(SIGHS) You left me alone
and I don’t go on about it. (IRONICALLY) Being alone
really bothered you. You fucked a guy in my room. Oh!
You didn’t miss me. Out of boredom.
I can’t remember his name. (LAUGHS) It was Quim. (TV NARRATOR) “Our armadillo
is devoured by another predator”. (Growls and cries) (Electronic music) EPISODE 2
QUIM So you’re their maid, right?
(IRONICALLY) Very funny, Jordi. Your so-called posh friends
aren’t to be trusted. They’ll be on the news
for burning someone homeless. They’re not to go in my room.
It fucking annoys me. Got that?
Come on, guys. We’ve had no parties here.
It’s my friend’s birthday and, fuck, it’s a low-key party
with a few people. If it’s so low-key, why are you decorating
like it’s Christmas? They’ll bring the food and drink.
What more do you want? (IRONICALLY) Normal people?
Normal, like who? Like you? Boom! Seriously, it’ll be great.
Also, you must meet Quim. He’s crazy.
He bought a 500-euro cake! (SIGHS) What?
Yes! Those guys are idiots.
Wasting that much on a cake? See? Normal people, like I said.
Guys, come on. It’s low-key. A few people. (DOUBTFUL) And that? It’s a photocall. (Doorbell) (Murmuring) How many people are coming? (Persistent doorbell) (Murmuring) It’s like a squatter flat.
(THEY LAUGH) (SINGS) -“When I’m forgiven,
you’ll go through that door…”. (GUYS SHOUT) (Shouting) Quim, here.
These are my flatmates. This is África. Hi.
This is Jordi. Congratulations, eh?
Thanks. I heard about the cake.
I want to try it. Not until midnight.
No, no. Did you put it away?
Yes, it’s well hidden. OK. I trust you.
(LAUGHS) (GIRL) Quim. Scarlett. Photo! Come on.
Yes. Coming? No.
Don’t worry. I’ll be back in a minute,
talk to people, socialise, OK? I hate these guys.
Me too. See the food they brought?
No. Hummus, carrots
and some soup I won’t try. (HUFFS)
I’ll go buy some crisps. Don’t leave me by myself.
I’ll be right back. I’ll kill you if you take too long.
Fine. (GUY SINGS) “…I can forgive. You’ll go through that door,
I wanted to…”. (GUYS SHOUT) (GUY SINGS) -“…I didn’t
tear off my skin…”. -Can I have a gin? (LAUGHS) Excuse me,
I’m not your waitress. (HUFFS)
Hey! That’s my drink. Hey, sweetie, chill.
I paid for this alcohol. This is my drink now. (Dance music) (GUY) -The life of the party. (GIRL LAUGHS) -And her partner says:
“Stop…”. (LAUGHS) Oh! I swear,
I didn’t know what to do… Afri? What are you doing? Are you mad? Know how much that cost? Stop!
The crazy birthday boy might come! I’ll tell him you ate it. (LAUGHS) Why?
I didn’t do anything. I know.
But nobody else saw you here. (LAUGHS) What a bitch!
I’m going to snitch on you, so you might as well
taste the glory. What you’re doing is terrible.
Know how yummy this is? No, I don’t know. Don’t you want to try it?
A little? Out of curiosity? I mean,
if you’re going to snitch on me… Exactly. It’s delicious, right?
It’s incredible. (Shouting) -Is there beer in this house? Look here,
I’m not your fucking waitress! Take it easy, eh?
It’s not for me. It’s for a friend. I see. I know your game. My game?
Yeah, you’re a player, with your guitar and everything… “I’m an artist, I’m sensitive”.
It’s so annoying. Do you pull much with that guitar? I have a girlfriend. Really?
Yes, I’m sorry. Who is she?
(HESITATES) She’s not here. She’s not here.
No. (IRONICALLY) What a shame.
(AGREES) Hey, we all have tricks
for pulling. Yours is the guitar
and the girlfriend. It’s fine.
Right. What’s yours?
Being a pain and inaccessible? That’s fine, too. Fuck, go ahead and take them all.
I’ll get you one later. No need.
I’m in my own house. Any champagne? (Electronic music) (Camera shutter) (Shouting) (Record scratching effect) (Rock music) Afri, take it down a notch.
What? Calm down.
Why? Nobody’s dancing.
You’re so annoying. Hey! (Rock music) Everything OK? (Murmur of music from the party) Wow! This is the best thing
I’ve ever tasted. It’s so good to watch you eat. (LAUGHS) You’re not the first
to tell me that, love. (LAUGHS) What’s your name?
Jordi. Núria. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS) Yuck! What are you doing here
eating a 500-euro cake alone? Avoiding the shitty party people. Fuck, thanks a lot.
Not you, you’re nice. You say that because I’m fat.
Fat people always seem nice. That’s true.
It’s the law of two things. The what? You can’t have two defects at once,
like being fat and mean. People don’t tolerate it.
That’s very nazi. I love it.
If you’re cute, you can be an idiot. You must be really nice
because you’re butt ugly. (LAUGHS) I’m here to avoid
my idiot of a boyfriend. (IRONICALLY)
What a cool relationship. It’s incredible.
How long has it been? Four years.
Uf, you’ll break up. Looks like it. Your boyfriend must be gorgeous.
(LAUGHS) Yes, gorgeous and an idiot. Wow! We should go. If África finds us in here,
she’ll kill us. No, no. Nobody’s going anywhere.
We have to finish the cake. What do you mean?
We can’t leave evidence. We have to finish it.
How will we eat it all? We’ll have to try. (GIRL) Look at Quim.
He’s so nervous. He keeps stealing drinks.
(GIRL 2) -Don’t you know? -What?
-They’ve prepared something amazing. -What? Look at him. (GIRL LAUGHS)
-Shit. -Wow! What are they doing?
-I don’t know. It’s a surprise. (Murmuring) What’s up, Quim?
What are you doing? I’m peeing. What are you doing?
Get out. Chill, sweetie. The drinks
are on you but I pay the bathroom. Very funny. Lost your pee?
Yes. Shall I turn on the tap?
Get out. OK. Know what’s wrong?
I don’t really like you. I heard you’ve got crazy plans. Who told you that? What are you going to do? Know what I’d like to do?
Leave. But I can’t
because it’s my fucking party. Really?
Yes, really. All of this
because you want to leave? That’s easy to fix. Fake an epileptic seizure,
then they’ll all leave. Yeah, thanks.
I’ve done it loads of times. Can you leave, please? Do you always trim so much? (HUFFS) We’ll never finish it. (LAUGHS) You realise that, too.
Shit, what do we do? I don’t know. Check nobody’s coming,
I’ll throw it away. OK. And we’ll leave a note saying: “Jordi and Núria ate it.
It was delicious”. Are you stupid, or what?
Just looking for solutions. Sorry. (Mobile notification) “Where are you?”. Shit, África. Let’s go.
Are you together, or what? África and me? No way!
We’ve known each other forever. She’s like a sister.
I wouldn’t get with her. You’re into her!
No way! I’m not into her at all! I like her as a friend,
not a girlfriend. You never know.
No. Hooking up with a friend is bad.
You’re telling me. Álex and I were friends,
started going out and everything went wrong. Being friends is great
and lasts longer. That’s true.
I’d never hook up with you. Don’t speak too soon. A nice fat guy is very tempting.
(THEY BOTH LAUGH) Come on, she’ll kill me.
I mean it. What about the cake? I’ll take care of it. Uuuh! Come on, then. Good luck.
(LAUGHS) (Door closing) (Electronic music) (GIRL AND GUY SING)
“…thinking about you and what you’re doing
makes me happy. It’s not. You don’t see me. I…”. (Laughter) (QUIM) -The cake first.
(GUY) -What cake? It’s not midnight yet.
-Álex, are you sure? -Of course.
-Yes, arsehole. -I’m out. You do it.
-Quim, we said on your channel. -Do you want me to do it?
You’re certain? -Yes, fairy boy.
-Don’t touch me! (DRUNK) I’m fine, OK. What the fuck? (QUIM) -She’s just dizzy.
Everything’s fine. -Is she OK?
-Get some water. -What’s wrong with her?
-Everything’s fine. -Shall we call an ambulance?
(QUIM) -It’s fine. (LAUGHS)
You’re crazy. See? There you go. Call an ambulance,
everyone leaves. Leave me alone for fuck’s sake.
Come on, I’m sorry. I saw you super stressed
with your mates and, I don’t know,
you seem so weak… You think I’m weak?
Well, no… (LAUGHS) (PANTS) (PANTS) OK. What’s up? I sucked a dick yesterday. Wow!
I know, right? No, no. How was it?
Fucking great. Well…
Much better than this, sorry. No, no.
You must be really angry. No, no.
I get it. Don’t worry, I’m fine.
(HUFFS) (SIGHS) Do you think I’m gay? Honestly,
there’s no need to label it. You liked sucking dick
and you might like pussy, too. I doubt it.
I really liked it, you know? With you it was nothing. Zero. OK, I get it. (HUFFS) What a mess.
It’s not such a mess. Lots of people suck dick.
(LAUGHS) (ÁLEX CALLS) -Quim!
Shall we do it now? (FRIEND) -Is she OK?
Yes. I’m coming. I’m better, I was a bit dizzy.
We’ll be right out. Shall we smoke a joint?
No thanks. I prefer coke. Ah! (Pop music) What’s up, waitress?
Wow, the singer-songwriter himself. What are you doing? Looking for something to drink,
but you finished it all. That’s a great plan.
(AGREES) Where are you going? (IRONICALLY) I’m taking
my guitar to pull. My work is done here.
Wow! Oh, here. Thanks. Quim.
Yes. I promised you a drink.
Yes, nice touch. Don’t you want some?
No. You need it more. Maybe you need it too. Don’t cover the camera.
You’re wasted. Are you filming?
-Yes. -OK, great. “What’s up, guys? For those who followed
Quimito on his channel this week, you know that he has
prepared a surprise for today. That surprise is… What? …I’m crazy and I’m asking
my girlfriend… Bam! Bam! …to marry me, arseholes!”. So? Where were you? I met the woman of my life. Seriously? Great.
You’ll move out, at last. (HUFFS) Idiot. Come on. What’s her name?
Núria. (ÁLEX) Núria! Núria!
One minute, guys. Núria. Come here, baby. Yes, that’s it. Come on! Uuuh! Come on. Núria, what’s happening? What’s going on here, guys? (Music stops) Maybe she’s not the woman for you. Núria, you’re the most beautiful and crazy woman I’ve ever met. Núria, I want to share
this crazy life with you. Will you marry me? (Murmuring) -I sucked his dick! I sucked his dick yesterday. -What the fuck?
-What? -I liked it. He liked it.
Right, Álex? -You sucked my man’s dick?
-yes. -No, it’s a lie.
He’s making it up. -He has a mole, right? -Everyone has moles on their… Just a little. (Murmuring) -A little?
Either you suck it or you don’t. -I sucked it.
-Are you crazy, or what? -I’m sorry, but I had to say. -So what? They sucked
each other’s dicks. Fine. -Not “fine”, Núria. Not “fine”.
-What are you doing, Álex? I mean, we’re not OK.
We’re fucking bored of each other, you put on this whole show
and it makes no sense. None of it. Well, Quim. I don’t feel so bad
for eating your cake. We’ve all eaten something now.
-What? -I ate your cake. With him. (Comical music) (Door opening and closing) (Groaning) (Laughter) What a low-key party, Scarlett. (Rock music) Scarlett.
What? That Quim, how do I find him?
Is he on Instagram? Yeah, I think
he’s called Quim del Mas. He plays at Soda Bus
every Sunday. Tonight, I’m so excited
to introduce someone very special
who’s here with us. This is Anna. (Applause) Anna’s going to help me sing a song
which is called “Missing you”. (Applause) (ANNA SINGS) “You didn’t answer
the phone and I’d rather believe that you have no service
or you dropped it the sea”. (THEY SING) -“But it’s fine
because I’m happy. Can’t you see?”. (ANNA SINGS) -“You see?”. (THEY SING) -“Now I can sleep
without spending four hours just thinking about you and what you’ll be doing
that whole time without me”. -Thanks. Hey! Hey! What are you doing here? I’ve got your hip flask, remember? And I wanted to tell you…
Ah, Asia. África.
África. Look, sweetie,
if you’ve developed a crush on me or something like that,
I’m afraid I have a girlfriend. I told you.
So you have to go. (LAUGHS) Calm down, mate.
I’ve come to say… I have a girlfriend.
Don’t you get it? She’s here. Get lost.
I don’t know you. I’m pregnant.
(CHOKES AND COUGHS) (COUGHS) What?
I’m pregnant. (LAUGHS) You think you can come
to my concert, it’s my concert, and give me this shit? You want money, right? I don’t believe this. Here, love.
Take the money and get out. I don’t want to see you again.
(ANNA) -Here. -Hi love.
-This is Asia. -Hi. -From music school.
We met years ago and she came
but she can’t stay. She has to go, right?
-Ah. I came for something else
but I see now isn’t a good time. Trumpet player. Amazing.
-Ah. Great. I came to say something
and I’m going to say it. I feel bad for you,
because you’re here, but it’s something you should know. Remember the day we fucked?
We fucked. If you’re together,
that’s none of my business. People organise their lives
however they want. You got me pregnant.
The whole “I can control it”? Lies. I’m up to my eyeballs
in hormones and nausea and I’m by myself, you should know. Shove your money up your arse.
(GASPS) -Fuck. (WITH TREMBLING VOICE) Wow!
I’m dizzy. Shit. (HUFFS)
-No, no. Leave me alone. (QUIM) -Oh! Anna! (Dance music) What? (GUY) “Wow! That’s crazy!
How much was it, mate? -You shouldn’t ask.
(GUY) -Yes. How much? -Don’t ask.
(LAUGHS) -Will you do it?”. (Loud bang) “What was that? What the fuck…? What happened?
Álex, what’s up, mate? What the fuck…? What happened? What’s that? (LAUGHS)
(ÁLEX) -It’s a cake. (BOTH) -It’s Quim’s cake.
(GUY) -No way!”. (THEY ALL LAUGH) But it’s fine
because I’m happy. Can’t you see?
-You see? -Now I can sleep without spending four hours
just thinking about you and what you’ll be doing and what you’ll be saying
around, around, around. Around, around, around. Around, around. Around. (Applause) (QUIM DEL MAS) Anna! (Electronic music) Translation: Amy Sue Bennett
Subtitles: Jordi Bosch Bbo Subtitulado