Dulcé Sloan – Comedy Up Late 2018 (S6, E5)


How are you doing Melbourne? That’s great, listen. I’m glad to see all these beautiful white men here, I’m in my leopard print Just to let you know that I’m on the prowl. Thank you. Or I’m a creep, whichever comes first. I do love leopard print, I don’t know why.
It has caused some problems for me. I had a woman come up to me and go ‘Oh my god I love your shirt, it’s so cute’ ‘I just love your leopard print’ I was like
‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’ ‘Of course, these t*tties, you’re welcome’ She’s like, ‘Yeah um…’ ‘So like, do you wear leopard print to remind you of where you come from?’ B*tch I’m from Georgia. She’s like ‘No no no no no, where your family is from’ Florida? My family is from Florida. She’s like ‘No, where your ancestors are from’. Africa? You think I wear leopard print to remind me of Africa? Mmm-mmm. That’s why I f*ck white dudes. Because every white man’s broken heart is my reparations. Hi boys. I do have a tendency to f*ck a lot of white dudes, ’cause, you know, the cops keep killing black men and… Why are you groaning? You’ve seen the news But the hard part about trying to pull the white dude is that they’re real jittery, like deer and rabbits and squirrels You’ve met them, they’re all shaking right now. So… No, I’ve gotta come up on them real slow Gotta be down wind, don’t want to spook ’em Hey! Brian! Scott… Mark! Hey buddy, hey champ, hey bro. You ah, you wanna practice making an Obama? Hmm? Like, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I need some type of Wile.E.Coyote
white man trap Like take a box in disguise at like, a microbrewery You know, like drop in a couple
bottles of IPA, hide behind a bush and hope for the best I’ve had to stop f*cking poor dudes Because of success But the problem is, they always have the best d*ck There’s been some victims of poor dude in the room,
I hear you! Because the thing is, they have to f*ck you to sleep So they have a place to sleep Yeah, they caught a couple of y’all. The jig should have been up when he walked in your house with two backpacks What person with a place to live has two backpacks? And they never have a condom either Because you’re successful they try to
trap you with a baby And then you end up with two roommates
you didn’t want If you haven’t noticed, I’m a black lady You’re welcome. And I have dealt with so many issues with being a black lady, more issues than I have ever had with being a woman And I have to explain this to my white woman friends because like, ‘We’re all women!’ I’m like, ‘Shut up!’ Because, Listen, I’m a black woman, I’m black first. It’s literally my description of a human And there’s just so much oppression to deal with In everyday life So what I like to do, is I like to
break my oppression down I’m black Monday, Wednesday, Fridays I’m a woman Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday I’m fat on Sunday, even God rested I do like to be supportive of white women ’cause
they keep making me And… Doing stand up is just so many white women talking to
me about feminism Like it’s all hard, we’re all women we’re all men. I’m like, ‘Listen.’ I understood the civil rights movement, I got it. We couldn’t vote, we couldn’t go to school couldn’t pee, we couldn’t sit on the
front of a f*cking bus. Like there was too many things that we could not do, and we just wanted to pee and drink water. That’s it. So I’m really trying to figure out, I’m like ‘OK girl, what’s the main issues with feminism?’ She’s like, ‘Well…’
I’m like, ‘I don’t need a blog post’ ‘What’s the real problem?’ and she’s like ‘Oh my god it’s like equal pay for equal work’ ‘Equal pay, for equal work.’ I’m like, ‘OK cool cool cool cool cool cool cool.’ I don’t want to work. I want to be a trophy wife. I want to kick people off my yacht because they brought me the wrong wine. ‘I said Riesling! Ocean!’ And then I gotta hire somebody to fish
them out the water, now I’m creating jobs. Alright y’all, bye!

100 Replies to “Dulcé Sloan – Comedy Up Late 2018 (S6, E5)”

  1. Some of her delivery and tone remind me of a female Ron Funches. Both phenomenal. Glad I found her 😍👏🏾🖤

  2. Damm I feel that I have been living under the rock because I just come across her. Definitely,… Wait for it “legendary“

  3. Feminism is SUPPOSED to be about the fact that so far in the entire history of human society we have existed in a patriarchy. Lots of western countries have come incredibly far, but the main, main thing is that women are abused so fucking much. Like, so much. Rape, slavery, being children when they're victims, being ignored when say anything, and any woman like yourself who faces intersectionality has it on a way extra level.

  4. What she said is true tho. Even if they are uncomfortable. I’m black, then woman second. My blackness is addressed before ANYTHING. And not because I want it to be. But because it just is. When I state my comments in the quietest way, not angry, im the black, angry and bitter and THEN woman. I’ve noticed during certain situations, if I’m unhappy, it is stemmed back to me being black and angry. It’s a hard one. When people then argue with me about how my statements are not real, or when they say get over it in so many words, it belittles my experience, therefore, making me feel that what I have to say isn’t okay and what I’m feeling is just made up. Most black women that I know, don’t want to be acknowledged as a black woman first, we want to be acknowledged as a person with feelings. Again, it gets awkward due to, it seems like there is no real proper gain from speaking up about experiences. And because others are just SO sure we’re making it up, or were being overly sensitive, or “reading too far into it”, you become confused on how to address not things of the past, but things that happen in everyday life of the present that people just find ABSURD to believe. Comedy is suppose to be a comedic release of things that you’ve made it through and still go through. And to laugh to keep from going overboard and to find some kind of silver lining to a situation that either hurts you or just does something to you in a way that’s not too thrilling.

  5. I truly hope she gets the opportunity to go further and do more (also come to jacksonville fl!!) I honestly feel as though she's like a friend/cousin/even sister. Same build, demeanor and all. It's so nice to see someone who looks like me doing well and being positive, and not just instantly cast in the stereotypical format (black,fat,loud, etc.) LOVE YOU SLOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. "I wanna be a trophy wife." DEAD ….she's so intelligent and WOKE…..this crowd was too slow on the uptake

  7. Riesling! Ocean! Don’t get the impression this comic is sitting in an office, with official lighting coming up with such classics.

  8. Can confirm, poor dudes fuck better than successful ones.
    Average sized dick dudes fuck better than big dick dudes- they think their size is enough to get any woman off. 🙄
    I was talking to this good looking surgeon (at a really elite hospital) who also had a big dick. As someone who’s not looking for a boyfriend or husband it was all actually a turnoff. Naw thanks I’m good, I know a welder who knows what he’s doing. 😂

  9. Katt Williams made a comment that Tiffany Haddish had to say she fucked white men to get her fame🤔. I think it's true and also sad that we have to shuck and jive and have our talent exploited. ……Nonetheless, shes genius! She stated much truth about the illness of America and used her platform to do so while knowing her audience! Well played!

  10. All the black female "comedians" are soooo boring.
    Less than one minute in and they already abused their race card so badly.

  11. As soon as I saw the thumbnail, I said to myself, "I'll bet her jokes are going to be about race."
    And sure enough…

  12. Wow I didn't realise that Australians were so upright – they didn't know what to do with her race jokes. Makes British audiences look really relaxed.

  13. You want this chick to suck your dick all night, all you need is a pot of gravy, and mash potatoes. Generously scoop on your shaft and nuts, and get ready for the ride.

  14. I come here for "How are you doing Melbourne ?. That's great. Listen."

    Also love lizzo on Jerome being"Look…. Listen…. Shut Up"

  15. Hi Goddess! Cant wait for you to cum to Columbus OH! You can stay with me I will serve you in any way while you are here Goddess! Contact me any Goddesses that want a whiteboy/gurl to use!

  16. The most important thing she said was that she's a black woman first — basically her description of a human. Think about it. Better yet, research it. Everything else was designed for the general public to sit still long enough to listen.

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