Episode 33 of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast

Alright hello everybody, it’s me Daniel D with the crazy comedy humor and satire podcast for Sunday, February 9th 2002 20 this is episode 33 and Well, I quit drinking this morning And now it’s 4:35 my time, so I figured that’s long enough Yeah Episode is brought to you by beer which I Get to this in a minute the Super Bowl Last week last Sunday was a great game. Yeah, congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs and Also, I mean, I just think it was the best show I’ve ever seen You know put on by anybody and I’m talking about JLo pole dancing on national TV That was fucking awesome anyway Yeah, I guess you get to explain to your kids what pole dancing is well I didn’t really explain it I just you know kind of averted the question when I was asked but I sure, enjoyed it and I think that JLo she’s obviously found a Fountain of Youth cuz at 50 hour old she is I mean She’s still got the body. She still knows how to work it and she was doing some crazy shit on that pole So anyway, I’m glad to see the censors are loosening up again after I guess the whole episode with Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson now They’re taking some more chances letting you know hot chicks get up there and pole dance and the halftime show So that was pretty cool Yeah, you think about it? It’s like backing though back in the day when there was like three channels and then there was PBS, you know It was like everybody would pretty much watch the same stuff You know you if you went to in my case school or if you were older if you went to work You know after a big You know broadcast, I mean everybody will be talking about the same thing, you know, because everybody you know, what have would have seen it and now with all the 50 million channels you get on cable if you have cable I don’t but You know, then there’s all the stuff online you know even over-the-air channels now, it’s like I You have you don’t just have a channel 21? You know or whatever you have a channel 21 point one point twenty one point two twenty one point three twenty one point four So it’s like there’s even more over their channels than they used to be so now it’s like hard to get an occasion when everybody is on the same page everybody saw it and everybody can talk about the same thing and it’s like the Superbowl is Really one of the last few things that it’s like everybody I mean, here’s like these debates and I’ll talk about them in a minute. You know that the Democrats have were the Republicans Whenever they get around to having anybody debate, it’s a joke. It’s Not even worth watching the impeachment hearings Also a farce not worth watching. You know, I mean you knew Trump was gonna get acquitted It didn’t matter what came out or what was said You know, he he had a lock on the Senate and and it pretty much just straight party-line Romney his only Exception whether that was due to political Calculations and a desire to stand out or whether it was due to principled. I don’t know But you know pretty much it was like vote with your team your team like a football game is it’s gonna win this You know, everybody’s got to be on the same side. So anyway There’s really nothing to bring people together So it’s like the Super Bowl kind of does that it’s like the one time of year where you know, like presidential elections It’s like presidential elections are the one time when people who don’t know anything about government who? Flunked out of civics class or flunked out of high school before they even got to civics class are suddenly encouraged to vote to express their ill informed opinion and Similarly with with the Super Bowl. So one day of the year when people who don’t ever watch football don’t even know the rules Suddenly They not only watch the game, but they make their voices heard about you know, who they’re going for and you know All that sort of stuff, you know. So anyway, it’s like the last Thing that kind of brings the whole country together, you know and gets everybody, you know watching the same thing at the same time So it’s a perfect time for the powers that be to convey important and critical information to the American people to let us know what’s going on to announce the important things of our day to us and They did a great job of that. They announced you know Like the commercials I guess during the Super Bowl that drinking beer will get you laid which is why it’s decided to start drinking again Today after quitting earlier this morning, so I’m going to drink a little bit now Maybe I’ll luck out maybe a hot chick will walk in here and fuck me while I’m doing this podcast You never know according to the advertisements it must work Yeah, I mean cuz I’ve never seen an advertisement for beer where the guy was You know had an ugly woman on his arm, you know, it’s always hot chicks So I figure you know, that’s an important piece of information There’s a lot of guys out there, you know, one of the most important thing for males, especially young men is Getting girls, you know, what do women want? Well, apparently it’s pretty easy women want a guy who drinks beer especially cheap American loggers, you know, so I Have a cheap American lager right now. I’m not gonna tell you what brand it is, but it is cheap. It’s an American lager and Just waiting for the door to open at some point some, you know woman You know hot chick to sense the smell of this cheap American lager in the air and come You know with her tits hanging out, you know figures bound to happen As well definitely that’s an important piece of information I’m glad The powers that be decided to convey that message to us the American people during halftime if there’s anything that’s important More important than what you know women want and how to get you know a beautiful woman with big tits and a nice ass to You know Put her hands all over you and you know all that sort of stuff. I Can’t think of it. So I’m glad they they, you know made that announcement during the Super Bowl We were all watching so we could all get that important information Also, I learned that having the wrong auto insurance will give you fucking nightmares Did you know that yeah apparently if you have the wrong auto insurance ie you don’t have State Farm you will have nightmares of You know State Farm agents playing basketball or you’ll have nightmares of other things or you know, anyway, so very important if you have nightmares It’s probably because you have the wrong auto insurance Apparently so that’s also an important message and I’m glad you gave to us because sleep is important And of course if you have nightmares all the time, and it would interrupt your sleep So rather than going to get a sleep study see if you have maybe sleep apnea getting a CPAP any of that stuff You know having a better bed time getting off your screen, you know You know your electronics, you know, like an hour or so before your bedtime It turns out it may just be you have the wrong rod Oh insurance. That was also very important I’m glad they made that announcement to us during the Super Bowl One more thing and this is probably the best of all mighty Mike Bloomberg is here to save the day So in case you were panicking in case you saw the Democrats debate and you decided man These guys are a bunch of fucking losers. Well Mighty Mike Bloomberg is here to save the day. He’s here to save America from super-sized sodas No more fucking extra-large diet, you know extra large cokes with a ton of sugar No more trans fat so you can kiss your doughnuts. Goodbye Mighty Mike Bloomberg is here to save us put us all on a diet and make sure we you know, behave ourselves So that’s exactly what we need. After the years of Trump is somebody to come along and you know We’ve had Trump who’s kind of like an alcoholic stepdad if you will and he likes to you know Yell and insult people he throws temper tantrums and now he does it on Twitter, you know, so you get stream-of-consciousness from Trump and 144 characters or less or however much it is So, what’s what’s the solution after you’ve had Angry alcoholic stepfather, you know in the White House for a few years. How about a fucking nanny? You know so Mike Bloomberg The super nanny is here to save the day to take away your guns to take away your large sodas to take away your doughnuts with your trans fat just like he did in New York Oh Banning trans fat banning large sodas say that is what America fucking knees right now You know, we got these never-ending Wars in the Middle East we got The banks, you know Running away with the economy, you know It’s like this huge bubble that’s been reinflates treat and in the bond market the banks are at it again, you know But what do we need to focus on we need to focus on people’s fat asses And taking away their fucking big-ass sodas and their trans fat having doughnuts another shit So anyway, that was an important announcement. I’m also glad that They announced that during the Superbowl Mike Bloomberg’s ads announcing That he is here to save the day. All right moving right along Some craziness in Iowa and this is sometimes it’s like Truth really is stranger than fiction. You can’t make some of this stuff up So the the app the Democrats used for the Iowa caucuses malfunctioned surprise surprise Pete Budaj Proudly announced before you know, really any You know thing had been finalized that he was a winner. Maybe somebody tipped him off from the app company But anyway the app that was mad that malfunctioned mysteriously was created by Hillary Clinton campaign staffers from 2016 after they lost the White House they decided to do an app which they secretly, you know, it wasn’t a public thing they secretly Were picked by the DNC to administer the Iowa caucus and guess what the name of this app? manufacturer is shadow incorporated What evil lurks in the heart of men only the shadow knows well shadow Incorporated knows and apparently They, you know were created by Hillary Clinton’s campaign staffer so obviously establishment people and you know, I Think the Bernie Sanders was like the front-runner in, Iowa Suddenly somehow Pete booted gay. I’m sorry Pete booted Jej, don’t want to bring up the fact that he’s gay because of course That’s the only reason why he’s considered fucking relevant, you know why he gets the attention that he gets And let’s go through his experience Pete bootie gay dude a judge. I’m sorry what experience does he have? Always been a small-town mayor, you know in some town that if it wasn’t for Notre Dame Nobody would have ever fucking heard a South Bend in the end. He’s been a mayor of a town not a particularly successful mayor What else That’s it Um, oh and he stands very strong very firm on the issues. What are his stances? Well, they change all the time They’ve changed since he entered the race. Nobody really knows what the fuck he stands for except he stands for I Don’t know so it’s not that either it’s not that they’re looking for somebody who really has strong principles because that would be like somebody Like Andrew, yang or Bernie Sanders. That’s now they’re looking for experience because that would be somebody like Well, Mike, Bloomberg, maybe or Bill DeBlasio before he dropped out of the race after getting zero Traction, you know, he was a mayor of a big city eight million people, you know Pete Buddha gay a hundred thousand people in the small town and the sticks of Indiana It’s anyway Pretty much the only reason he’s gotten any attention is of course because he’s gay and also for older voters baby boomers He’s like, he looks reassuringly white. You know, he’s he’s like I Don’t know like a gay little Dutch boy or something like the gay. I don’t know anyway, he’s like, you know, the the little Dutch boy and he sucks dick and so it’s like he appeals to a demographic of you know on the one hand the gay community and on the other hand the old white people who like you know somebody who looks like little Dutch boy, and so anyway, he Yeah, so he’s he suddenly out of nowhere he was polling low Suddenly this establishment app developer You know tied to the establishment of the Democratic Party somehow Peabody gay knows that he’s gonna win, you know Before even the the caucuses are over and it’s like he’s maybe tipped off or maybe he you know Sucked the right dick. I don’t know but he got he somehow he got Put you know up even at least to where it’s a tie for first with Bernie Sanders in Iowa Surprise surprise, you know anyway by the shadow incorporated so it’s like He can make that up. I mean the shat. They’re just a name shadow Incorporated. It’s like they’re so corrupt It’s like in your face. Like what the fuck you’re gonna do about in America. Yeah. We’re the DNC We don’t give a fuck. We don’t give a fuck about the people that we claim to care about We don’t give a fuck about the poor. We don’t give a fuck about minorities We don’t give a fuck about anybody but rich white people rich limousine liberals you know as Richard Jeni said people who have You know, they and a big steaming pile of me Richard Jeni talked about them you know having a mansion with 25 rooms all of them air-conditioned, you know, they They have a pool nobody swims in it. It’s heated They fly across the country in a private jet to go to a conference on energy conservation you know, it’s like hypocritical sons of bitches is what they are and Pete butI gay is on the Establishment dick and he rode that dick all the way to the top of Iowa, you know, nothing against gay people it’s like if he if it was somebody who was What was that guy Burt? I? Want to say Barney five not Barney five. No Barney Frank why I couldn’t think of his name Barney Frank, right? Like why not run him he’s a guy who’s been in in Congress or actually is he dead I Can’t remember now I go say him Barney Frank II Barney Frank might be dead for all I know. All right. Let’s see Barney Frank um Yeah, he’s still alive he’s a former American politician served as a member of the US House of Representatives of Massachusetts from 1981 to 2013 like Run Barney Frank, right. I mean here’s a guy it’s got a ton of experience You know Why not run him, I mean he’s gay it’s nothing. There’s nothing about whether you’re gay or not, you know whether you You know, whatever your your position is If you’re going doggy style with your partner Whether you’re the ones giving it or you’re the one receiving It doesn’t really matter when it comes to how fit you are to hold office, right? It’s just the fact that would would pee poo to judge. It’s like the dude is such a fucking you know two-dimensional Candidate he’s got like no depth. No experience No issues that he’s really passionate about he’s just first he got all this big push, you know He was on the cover of like Time magazine mayor of a small town why he’s gay, you know? That makes him special. That means he should get all his attention Then it helps that he as I said looks kind of like the little Dutch boy Which reassures white people in Middle America that he can be trusted to keep you know The minorities in their place except for the gays, of course, they will be continued to be elevated But the other minorities will not all right. So anyway, that’s what’s going on with the Democrats It’s kind of crazy. I was looking at the New York Times and a couple of articles one this article their analysis of the winners and losers of the democratic debate and it’s like it just reminds me why the debates are such a sham why they’re it’s just so insignificant when it really comes to knowing what people stand for who’s got the right ideas who’s gonna make a great leader and So on and so forth it says Klobuchar sounded confident and aggressive willing and able to go after her competitors, you know She has another person talking about how Klobuchar are managed to shred booty. Jej while coming off is funny and sensible a site It’s all very little about what the people actually said the content of their ideas their Arguments their whatever probably because very few arguments were actually made where you had a premise of premise and a conclusion of any sort No, it’s all about the style it’s about how they said what they said it’s eloquent it’s strong. She said it’s strong He sounded you know aggressive he You know another person talking about Sanders. He’s consistently strong. He’s uh you know just how I Don’t know this whole thing with Quick sharp didn’t falter You know like this is it’s not about again like who has the best ideas who really has the strongest you know the best principles the best I don’t know, you know, it’s just all about how they sound the way they and so here’s the thing who sounded stronger and Whittier and more confident and more bold Than a professional wrestler, you know Which of the candidates sounded better? And if you have to ask your metric who among the Democratic candidates sounded better more confident stronger than your typical Professional wrestler on a WWE Smackdown or Monday Night Raw or whatever, right? That’s your metric. Why do we even have politicians? Why not just have professional fucking wrestlers and that’s where I think like the WWE should take over The debates for both parties really they should, you know have Vince McMahon and his crew write a script who’s gonna be the good guy who’s gonna be the villain, you know who’s gonna you know, Pull out a cheap shot who’s gonna come out of the locker room and you know sneak in a cheap shot while there the ref Has his back turn who’s gonna, you know, come off the top rope to? You know knock their opponent down and finish him off, right? I mean, it’s just as much substance just as much relevance to who’s gonna be a great president a great leader As as we currently have right, so why not? Why the fuck not why not just Democrats hire out Vince McMahon and the WWE To fucking give us some entertainment success. All this shit is it’s supposed to be entertainment, you know Has nothing to do with you know, I don’t know I mean, you know, it’s just like people talking about a Joe Biden and some of this is probably true. He just doesn’t seem like he has the heart or the energy On another person says just made this best debate yet. He was combative You know, it’s like this again it’s like he’s not more combative than like, you know professional wrestler the Miz or You know Roman reigns or one of these type of people, right? So it’s like they might as well just let the WWE take over the debates You know and give us our candidates while they’re at it, you know, at least and here’s the thing at least The female wrestlers look at hell of a lot better and dress a hell of a lot more, you know What’s the word sexy then You know the female candidates right and I’m sure women would say the same thing about male wrestlers versus male political candidates You know your typical WWE male wrestler probably looks a hell of a lot better. There’s better chip magnet than your typical Old white male wrinkled ass politician. So why not? Why not give us entertainment that we fucking need as a country You know take our minds off how bad were being fucked by the upper tenth of a percent and just give us some fucking Entertainment, you know just you know, we want drama give us drama We want fucking confident bold strong sounding people Yeah, give us that, you know Give us a shit talking wrestler in the middle of the ring or kill you would I’m good. Do you you know like say Talking about presidents robot tell you what I’m gonna do to Trump I’m gonna rip his fucking to pay off his head and shit down his fucking throat You know, whatever. I mean that would be why not. Hey, that’s what we want. We want strength. We wants confidence We want somebody’s gonna take charge. That’s what we should get. You know, let the fucking WWE handle it one other thing And this is just something that you know part. I feel like I talk about both sides of my mouth on this one There’s this New York Times article opinion piece by their whiner in chief Aisha Harris She says stop blaming history for you’re all white all male movie and she talked about the Irishman and criticized specifically Martin Scorsese you know because he’s got mostly men and mostly White men and she didn’t mention this but you could add this to it mostly Italian Men and some Irish men, but mostly Italian and Irishmen, right? mostly ethnic white males from the Northeast Oh surprise surprise Martin Scorsese is an ethnic white man from The big city, you know the Northeast, you know from a certain era So what a shock that that’s the era he covers in his movies, you know what he knows what he’s familiar with. I don’t know the thing is is like Be consistent, right? Like if you’re gonna criticize that people for making movies like kind of based on You know what? They know what they’re familiar with like why not go after You know F gary Gray the director of Friday. I don’t recall a lot of fat southern hillbillies You know white hillbillies in movie Friday or any of its sequels. No, you got you know kind of hip-hop Swagger having you know black people from the city, right? That’s probably like what he’s familiar with what he knows, right? So nobody you know this Ayesha Harris the whiner in chief for the New York time’s isn’t You know say anything about that not saying how Ryan Coogler director of the Black Panther You know in here she talks about You know one of the movies that set I guess this game of thrones You know being set in this fictitious place and that criticizing for its lack of diversity, you know, and the the director said you know or george RR martin the author of game of thrones once responded to a fans criticism about the lack of diversity on the show beginning with West arrows around 300 AC is nowhere near as diverse as 21st century America, of course, and then she says well west eros is not a real place But you know, what kind is not a real place, right? So, why was that so lacking in diversity? Miss asia harris, you know Now I understand. Here’s the Flipside of oh, of course sold plane. Nobody talking about jesse torero and the lack of diversity on the soul plane, right? Why didn’t they have any? you know, I’m like, I wonder what is America today or At the time soul plane was put out. It was probably like fifty eight sixty percent white, you know Twenty percent Hispanic fourteen percent black five or six percent Asian something like that, right? So Why not have six percent Asians on the soul plane? Why not have sixty percent white people on Soul plane? Because then it wouldn’t be fuckin soul plane Would it, you know you’re trying to go for what you know, and you know, here’s the thing It’s like it’s good to see more directors, you know doing movies you know from different backgrounds, right like Asians now crazy rich Asians and I mean, you know just support people who are doing that like You know Asia Harris instead of writing these fucking stupid ass editorials Why don’t you go direct the fucking movie? You know Then you can put all the fucking diversity you want you can have it perfectly balanced just the way the country is, you know sixty percent white people including like thirty thirty or forty percent, you know like Middle America, you know couch potato gut having you know Ignorant ass casserole cooking white people you can have them in there, you know 60% in that category 14 percent black 6% Asians, you know and then the rest is panic or whatever, you know Quit complaining quit writing you’re fucking stupid editorial make a movie. That’s what I say. Alright, so now that I’ve spouted out enough ignorance I’ll call it a wrap call me Saran cuz that’s a wrap and That’s it for this episode of the crazy comedy humor satire podcast This is episode 33 for Sunday, February 9th 2020 and of course if you like the podcast don’t forget to subscribe and give up are you even

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