Football Comedy – Ep 3/6 (2018) – Seaside Town / Making a Manager

(playful guitar music) (seagulls caw) (computer jingles) – Hey, guys. Okay, so, last night was
totally embarrassing. The guys down at the club
have decided they want me to manage the team for their game on Sunday against Denton. That’s not really why I’m here. I’m just supposed to be recording
stuff in the background. Jeez, poor Bob. He looked really upset last night. (computer jingles) – Alright, have you got it straight yet? Just point it on my face, Roz. – [Roz] Oh, for God’s sake,
Bob, I need to get to work. Maggie’s not coming in. She’s got swollen legs. – Look, some things are more important than Maggie’s revolting tree trunks. – [Roz] Bob. – Well. Right, is it ready? Are we on? – [Roz] Yes. – Yesterday, an injustice occurred. A dedicated and fully
competent football manager was cast aside in favour of
a young American upstart. This is the worst miscarriage of justice since that Netflix television
show, Making a Murderer, when that bloke got
banged up the wrong way. This, ladies and gentlemen,
is Making a Manager. (dynamic sports music) Last night, I prepared this letter, which I fully intend to
hand deliver to the chairman this very morning, by hand. Now, it is fairly hard-hitting, so viewer discretion is advised. Dear Madame Chairman. Yesterday was the worst day of my life. In fact, I believe it was the
worst day of anyone’s life, including mine, apart from the day that I accidentally set
fire to that old lady in the leisure centre car park, so on balance, I’d like
my previous statement struck from my testimony. To say that I am disappointed
to have been usurped by Keeley Jones for
the big match on Sunday is an understatement,
and it’s for this reason I feel I have no choice but
to hand in my resignation from Newhaven Football Club forthwith. I’d like to say that I’ve
enjoyed my time at the club, and feel that I’ve helped
to shape many young players into fine, upstanding adults,
some of whom have jobs. I’d also like to say that I’m
making my own documentary, which I feel will shine a light
on this terrible decision. So, what’s left for me
to say is God bless, and thanks for my time at the club. I hope one day to return
under happier occasions, signed yours sincerely, Bob Riley. – [Roz] Stop smiling, Bob. – So, we used to play football
here in the 80s, you know? Spandau Ballet, sweets
you can’t get anymore, also a Mousetrap, white dog poo, I don’t know where that’s gone now, Spandau Ballet. Oh, look, hold on, there’s Giselle. Giselle! Giselle! Giselle! Hold on. (Bob groans) Come on, Roz. Hold on, girls, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (Bob groans) Hold on. Hold on, hold on. (Roz breathes heavily) – What are you doing? – Can you help us with our documentary? – What? – There’s been a massive
injustice, Giselle, okay? So can you just tell all
the people how great I was? – What? – At being your football coach? – I like your sweatshirt. – Oh, thanks very much. Modelled on Brian Clough from the 1980s. Well, 1980s, blimey. That’s going back now. Spandau Ballet, Mousetrap,
sweets you can’t get anymore, white dog poo, of course. – You’re dog poo, mate. – Could you buy us some
beers from the offy? – Bob Riley is the best
person to be running the Newhaven FC under 10s. His dismissal was a
gross act of incompetence on behalf of the club. He really is a hero in this town. (burps) Was that right? (dynamic sports music) – Come on, love. Alright. Prepare for a meeting
of great football minds. This is gonna be like Brian Clough resigning from Derby County. Hold on to your hat. – Hi, Bob. Hi, Roz. – Madame Chairman. – What are you doing here? – I’ve come to give you this. – Huh, what is it? – It’s my resignation. – Huh, okay, thanks. Anything else? – No. No. – Okay. Bye, then. Bye. – A momentous day. Come on, Roz. Okay, right, so I’ve heard a rumour that Keeley has asked all the kids to have extra training after school today, which makes me sick. Roz has bailed on the documentary, so it’s just me and the
camera and the tripod. Right, I’m gonna have to
have a look over this fence, see what I can see. No, nothing. Hold on. Alright, we’re in luck. Okay. That’s Clive! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, I’ve caught myself. I’ve caught myself on something, hold on. Hold on. (groans) Morning, Mrs. Tibbet. Mrs. Tibbet. Roz, it’s me. Bit of a problem. I’m at the training ground. I’ve got stuck on a stump. Stump. A stump. I got stuck on a stump
and I got my trousers wedged right on me… I’ve tried that, haven’t I? Nope. Alright, all I’ve had is that Twix I nicked from the kitchen earlier. Look, can’t you come down and pick me up, and your mom can wait, can’t she? A stump. A stump. It’s a stump. Can’t you just… Charming. (speaking foreign language) – Oh, Newhaven Fort? Yeah, yeah, I’ve got this. (speaking foreign language) Newhaven Fort, voila. (speaking foreign language) – Hello, Bob. – Officer? – A lady’s phoned in, reporting
a man hanging from a stump, filming himself for the last four hours. Wouldn’t know anything
about that, would you, Bob? – No, no, but I will keep
my eye out for any of that. – Come on, come on. Let me get you down.
– No, I’m fine. – People really do appreciate
what Bob does for those kids. They really do, but sometimes,
a change is a good thing, and this American girl, she just seemed exactly what
the kids need right now, and my niece, she loves her. – Yeah, fire brigade, please? I’m stuck on a stump. Stump. A stump. A stump. I’m stuck on a stump. It’s just a stump. ♪ Upbeat music ♪

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