♪♩ A potato is what I am,
But what about what I do? ♪♩ ♪♩ I come from underground,
yet you are who has no clue ♪♩ ♪♩ Well, this should give you a clue:
they say ‘Couch Potato’ cause it’s true ♪♩ ♪♩ I like to slouch on the couch,
watch TV from night to noon ♪♩ Statutory Warning: Smoking is injurious to health. Hello. This is the fire department.
What’s your emergency? Can I get a light? ♪♩ I have eyes.
Not one, but many ♪♩ ♪♩ So before you make sure,
I haven’t any ♪♩ ♪♩ Will you just let me watch?
Not fiddle this rhyme for you ♪♩ Ew! You’re ugly! Thanks. I know how to look bad. Hey! Don’t you want to buy something?
(Translated from Marathi) Okay. Give me a slap. Let’s welcome on stage: Mr. Ashish Dash. Hey! Say cheese! No. I don’t want my voice in the picture. Hi! So my sister found out that my mom is a lesbian. I wonder, how? I hate it when my father asks me to get married. Because I don’t want to marry him. When I was about five, six years old,
I used to stay near the beach. Not only I, my whole family. We used to stay near the beach. The view of the sunset from the terrace of my house,
it was amazing. So every day after school,
I used to go up to my terrace and I used to stand in one corner of my terrace,
near the edge, and I’d try to enjoy the sunset. And sometimes, you know, sometimes
my mom would come, and she would stand right behind me, and she would put her hand on my shoulder,
like this. And she would say, “Jump”. My grandparents are alive. And they are pretty much up to date. They still make love. Every night. I caught them filming. Just kidding. Just kidding. They caught me. Stop staring. My grandfather said that to me
when he caught me filming. You know, my.. My dog sleeps 12 hours during the day and 12 hours at night. I call him, ‘Dead’. I love watching silent movies, on mute. Just so you know, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
It was built in a country. Recently I went to an anti-drug campaign and one guy there asked me, “Which drug are you against?” I said, “Crocin”. I did this dumbest thing once. I asked a woman if I could give her a lift. But I was walking. She said yes. So I lifted her from her wheelchair and I dropped her on the ground because I wanted to. My girlfriend likes my penis more than hers. I’m out of time so.. So without wasting any of my own time.. I’ll do a couple of more jokes, okay? I’m doing my jokes in my mind. Man, did you get that? No? You’re dumb. That’s my time guys.
Thank you very much. LATER AT THE PSYCHIATRIST’S You seem happy. I’m seeing a new psychiatrist. Wonderful. So have you been
getting out of your comfort zone? I can’t. I’ll be homeless. So you have social anxiety now? *shakes head* Private. What trauma did you face as a child? Childhood. What have you been doing with your spare time? I use it. To procrastinate? Some day, I will. Why don’t you stop doing drugs? Why don’t you stop giving me drugs? Do you even want to get better? No. I just want to pay you for these sessions.