Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting


– BROTHERS.
BROTHERS, LET US BEGIN. I HAVE CONVENED THIS MEETING
TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. WHY HAVE WE NOT TAKEN A PLANE
IN 13 YEARS? – KHALIV.
YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. IT IS ALL BECAUSE THE CUNNING
AND MIGHTY TSA IS ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF US. – I DO NOT BELIEVE IT!
– IT’S TRUE. LAST MONTH,
I ATTEMPTED TO TAKE DOWN A PLANE WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS
FIVE INCHES LONG. – THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A PERFECT PLAN. WHY DID IT NOT WORK? – BECAUSE THE SHREWD TSA, THEY MADE RESTRICTIONS SO YOU CAN ONLY
TAKE A FOUR-INCH SCISSORS. FOUR INCHES.
– WHAT? – YEAH. – HOW COULD THEY KNOW
THAT A FIVE-INCH BLADE IS A DANGEROUS WEAPON
AND A FOUR-INCH BLADE IS NO MORE
THAN A CHILD’S PLAY THING? – THAT IS THE GENIUS OF TSA. THEY FOIL US AT EVERY TURN. – DEVILS! – YOU KNOW, IT’S THE SAME WAY
WITH THE LIQUID. – OH, YEAH. – WE ALL KNOW
HOW MUCH DEVASTATION WE CAN WREAK WITH 3.5 OUNCES
OF LIQUID. – THE–THE DAMAGE
IS INCALCULABLE. – THE CRAFTY TSA, THEY HAVE LIMITED PASSENGERS
TO ONLY 3.4 OUNCES. – DAMN IT! – YEAH. – DO NONE OF YOU
HAVE THE SOLUTION HOW– FOR US TO THWART THIS TSA? – KHALIV, KHALIV. IT’S LIKE YOU’VE BEEN
LIVING IN A–WELL, HERE. LOOK…THE TSA,
THEY STRIKE FEAR INTO MY HEART WITH THEIR POLYESTER SHIRTS AND THEIR DISPOSABLE RUBBER
GLOVES. AND THE–AND THE–
THE SNEAKER SHOES! – THEY ARE SO CLEVER. – CLEVER.
– YES. THEY–THEY ACT AS IF THEY ARE
LISTLESS, OVERWEIGHT EMPLOYEES WHO DON’T GIVE A FUCK. WHEN IN REALITY, THEY ARE AN ELITE FORCE
OF ANTI-TERRORIST COMMANDOS! – OH, CURSE THE BRILLIANT TSA. – IF I MAY. I BELIEVE I HAVE A WAY
TO TRIUMPH OVER THE WILY TSA. – FINALLY.
– OKAY. – LET’S GIVE HIM A SHOT. – I HAVE A PLAN
TO PUT A BOMB IN A LAPTOP, AND IT WILL DETONATE
ONCE YOU PULL IT FROM ITS CASE. – YES!
YES, IT IS PERFECT! PLANES WILL RAIN DOWN
FROM THE SKY ONTO THE INFIDELS! [all chanting and singing] WHAT?
PARVEZ, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? – S–S–SNEAK IN HERE
FOR A SECOND, ‘CAUSE I DON’T– I DON’T WANT TO BE THE BEARER
OF BAD NEWS HERE– – THEN DON’T BE!
– YET YOU ARE. – IT’S AS IF THE PROPHETIC
AND ALL-KNOWING TSA HAS PREDICTED YOUR PLAN. THEY MAKE YOU TAKE THE LAPTOP
OUT OF THE CARRYING CASE AND PUT IT IN A SEPARATE BIN
BEFORE YOU GET ON THE PLANE. – COME ON,
YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PARVEZ? ‘CAUSE IT’S NOT A FUNNY JOKE
IF IT’S A JOKE. – IT’S NO TIME FOR KIDDING.
I WOULDN’T KID. – OH, MY GOD.
– NO. – I CANNOT BELIEVE
THESE MOTHERS OF DEVILS. – YEAH. – WELL, VERY WELL, THEN. SINCE YOU HAVE ALL FAILED, I WILL TELL YOU HOW WE
WILL DESTROY THE NONBELIEVERS. I HAVE DEVELOPED
THE SMALLEST BOMB POSSIBLE. AND IT FITS PERFECTLY INTO THIS, A FULL-SIZED TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE. YES!
IT’S REALLY GREAT, ISN’T IT? I MEAN, IT’S THE–
– DON’T DO HIM LIKE THAT. – WHAT’S GOING ON OVER HERE? WHAT’S THE SITUATION OVER HERE? – OKAY. IS THERE A VERSION
OF THE TOOTHPASTE BOMB THAT COMES IN TRAVEL-SIZE? – YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT’S LIKE THEY’RE IN OUR HEADS.

100 Replies to “Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting”

  1. Liberals be like: This is offensive to the ISIS community, although they are terrorists it is their choice and their identity.

  2. But if tsa failed and some terries get into a plane and start getting froggy someone still can draxx them sklounst or fireboard those motherjammers

  3. This skit is amazing but its also amazing how bad the tsa is at doing their job. Someone was telling me they have like an 80 percent fail rate of catching stuff. Talked to a guy who got on a plane with an actual pocket knife, my step dad was telling me how one time my step brother was traveling with some art supplies and was let on the plane with a bunch of exacto knifes in his supplies.

  4. 911 was inside job the weapons was already inside the airplane the didn’t have to hide anything while going throw TSA

  5. Taliban vs the world hahahah criticise everything while not believing it,after they search it roots and mind boggling devilish causes,(Islam vs Isreal).

  6. There's a video of people doing improv comedy and a white man jokes that the other guy on stage with a terrorist and he flipped the hell out and everybody y in the crowd flipped out for daring to say such but these guys can do this with no outrage not that I'm saying there should be outrage just that white people should be able to do other cultures also without being called racist

  7. the looks on their faces when they saw the tooth paste lol and the scissor plan to take down a plane was damn funny, i watch it over and over again!! hahaaaa

  8. A terrorist welcoming other terrorists by joining two hands together. This type of greeting happens to come from Hinduism, the most peaceful religion in the world. Why don’t you show a terrorist wearing a cross and saying ‘may the lord bless you.’

  9. Great job just like your government created al Qarda to threaten the shit out of American people The only way to get your support threat and threat and more threat.
    People are afraid of their shade now
    Fucked up sick dirty nasty filthy game.
    Pure evil job.

  10. This is hilarious but it is also a very cutting piece of satire. The TSA was never about terrorism. The "War on Terror" was/is about controlling Americans

  11. Imagine all the people that search “al qaeda meeting” for work or whatever and this pops up in the Middle East lmao

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