After I recorded my comedy special Ginger Kid, Danny Jolles called me back up on stage to do a Q&A and something incredibly bizarre happened at the end of that. Now unfortunately, that footage was completely lost until now. The first two questions start out normally and then the third question leads to one of the most ridiculous moments I’ve ever had on stage. I am so excited to finally share this clip with you. Remember this clip comes from Ginger Kid, which was recorded more than three and a half years ago, so some of the references are a little bit dated, and this was from before I got divorced. Anyway. I hope you enjoy it. Steve is very good, like, impromptu. He loves to, like — he’ll make fun of people and stuff. He does Q&A’s at his show where people just ask him anything and then he’ll just answer it. And it’s my favorite part of the show, but because it’s the special, he can’t do it. But I decided to go rogue before this whole thing and I was like, “Let’s just have Steve do this at the end of the fucking special. ‘Cause that’s what we should be doing.”
[Cheers] Steve, get back up here! [Applause] “Did I enjoy shooting my special?”
I did, a great deal. Ah This was a lot of fun. I had a weird day. I had a very weird day.
I woke up at like 7:00 AM. You know, ’cause you’ve got the jitters and you’re like, “Oh, I can’t really sleep.” And so I woke up and and I had a bit of a headache, so I’m like, “Oh, let me take some ibuprofen,” and so I did and I didn’t realize that my wife had just bought some new ibuprofen, which was the nighttime shit. And so at 7 in the morning, I took a nighttime ibuprofen, and then I was like, “I’m really tired, maybe it’s because I woke up so early,” and then I took, like, three fucking naps today. And then finally, I woke up and I’m like,
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” and my wife was like, “Well — wait, when you took something for your head, you took the red pill, right?” I’m like, “I took the blue pill…
what kind of Matrix shit is this?” [Laughter] By the way, ever wanna have a weird day?
Just wake up and take a sleeping pill. [Laughter] “Taylor Swift or Katy Perry?” You’re gonna have to give me more circumstances than this. Like which did you say first?
Taylor Swift. You said that first. Which I would listen to?
Which I would have sex with? Which I would have sex with while they’re listening to their own music because I’m guessing they do that? Uh… First of all, I’m married, so uh… both of them. [Laughter] ‘Cause I can say that. My wife is not threatened by the idea of me hooking up with Taylor Swift or Katy Perry. I bet if I were to call her right now and be like, “Hey, I have a chance to fuck Taylor Swift and Katy Perry at the same time,” she’d just be like, “Alright, get home safe.” [Laughter] “Damn it, I thought you didn’t drink anymore, Steve.”
Taylor Swift ’cause at least she writes her own music. That’s not like a jab at Katy Perry,
I just prefer creative people. Not to say that “baby, you’re a firework” isn’t the greatest lyric of all time. [Laughter] “California girls are unforgettable.” “Daisy dukes, bikinis on top” — have you seen some of the girls out here? Well not for all of them. That song should be called ♪ Some California Girls ♪ [Laughter] ♪ A reasonable amount of California girls… ♪ ♪ …are hotter than some other places,
but still, not all of them ♪ ♪ Bikinis on top ♪ — that’s what it should say. [Laughter] Alright cool, so I guess I’ll take one more question unless it sucks, then I’ll take two more questions. “Do I believe in diversity?” Like, as — that it exists as a thing? [Laughter] My show is only done by white guys. [Laughter, cheering] Every comic, who is me, is a white guy.
But they’re all Jewish also, so that’s weird. Some people — some people have large families. Okay. Do you know that I was talking about people — Okay. No, this is good! I like this. Is your husband — hold on a second, no, hold on a second, ’cause you — Okay, how about this. Do you remember the whole bit? Because the whole bit was about people who have too many kids — oh?
Hold the fuck on. The whole thing was about people who have too many kids who don’t have the financial resources to feed those kids. Is that your situation? I’m going to get back this lady in a second, but before I do, here’s the joke that she completely missed the point of. We’ve built this ethos in this country to be fruitful and multiply, without addressing the repercussions of that. Like, we should– it’s not just about having as many kids as possible. But we glorify that. Like 19 and Counting, that show — you ever see that show? 19 and Counting? Where she’s got nineteen kids.
Nine-teen. Kids. How do you have so many kids,
that you can have a softball team… play your other softball team. [Laughter] And the last kid could umpire.
Like, how do you have a lead? It has gone so far. We’re supposed to build houses for these people? Extreme Home Makeover, the show that makes an entire community donate their money, donate their time and their resources, to build houses for people who couldn’t learn when to stop fucking. Yeah. Look, if you need a house because you gave your money to charity, or there was a natural disaster, or someone in your family got sick,
or you just can’t find a job, these are all wonderful reasons to be poor. But if you’re poor just because you have nine kids… how do I say this nice? Die. [Laughter] You had nine kids. You’re asking us for help? You have nine — you weren’t balling with eight kids, had a ninth one like, “this last kid eats a lot.”
Like, that’s not what happened. [Laughter] You cannot afford to feed your family, and you were irresponsible enough to build more family. You knew that sex could do that,
you’ve seen it happen eight damn times. You were surprised like, “It’s magic!” Like no, you knew. “How’d this pizza get here?”
You knew! [Laughter] That’s why there are so many dumb people in this world, because it takes an educated person to stop the process. Say, “You know something? Maybe we can’t afford to raise a child. Maybe we can’t afford the time it takes to raise a human being. Maybe we cannot afford the love it takes to raise a human being.” And the dumb person just goes, “This goes in there!” [Laughter] “And it makes a peoples!” [Laughter] That happens again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and there’s never any fucking parking. Like how —
[Laughter] do you even have sex when you’ve already had eight children? Logistically, like I have so many questions. Like how — when do you find time? Or the energy or the space?
Or the will to be attracted to a thing again? [Laughter] How do you ever get turned on when you’ve already had eight children? How is that possible? What happens? Your wife walks by with a “baby,
You been oh you been looking real good.” She’s like, “Well, that’s because we’re really poor and I… Lost a lot of weight, I haven’t eaten in a while.” “Whatever it is, come here.
I’m gonna fuck you ’til we’re homeless.” Like, how do you get that short-sighted? The KFC family meal doesn’t feed nine kids.
What does that say about your life? When KFC looks at you and goes, “We don’t know how to help. We don’t know what to do.” [Laughter] And now back to our regularly scheduled ignorance. Really cause? I said that twice. No, just fame. And gifts from people to feed their kids. This is — I’m so glad we did this. [Cheers] It’s not a crime, it’s not. But the context of the joke is really important. I never say anything onstage that I wouldn’t say offstage. And here’s the fun part– [Laughter] Tell me the sky is green, it just makes you look weird. [Laughter] Miss… You can get offended all you want, but were you offended when I was making fun of other stuff, or just what applied to you? [Applause] Because if you wanna get offended, don’t cherry-pick this shit. And I really hope you come to the after-party. You’re gonna sign the release, right? [Laughter] [Sigh] I don’t know if you remember me talking about how, when you disagree with someone, It doesn’t make them a bad person, it just means you disagree. So, I don’t hold anything against you for having a different belief than I do You think I’m an asshole for having a different belief than you do, which is okay, because I don’t mind that belief. [Laughter] Still not gonna get me to change.
And I still do think that nineteen kids is too many. [Applause] How do you figure… Once you get, like, not just a softball team,
But you could have like a You could have, like, a full-court game and another team going “I got next.” [Laughter] And four guys on the side being like,
“Can we play too?” Like that’s… [Laughter] … insane. That’s a lot of children. How’d you guys get in the front row? That was amazing. [Laughter] Well, I’ll tell you this.
I had a wonderful time tonight. [Applause] [Laughter] I don’t know how to end this gracefully. Well, I hope to see the vast majority of you
At the after-party. And for anyone who has a fundamental disagreement with anything that I say, best of luck to you, I wish you well… (Audience member) And don’t have nineteen children. No, you can have all the kids you want!
I hope they’re at home doing all your chores right now. I hope they’re waiting for you.
Keeping keeping the nineteen fucking beds warm. Sorry, twenty-one beds. The parents probably sleep in separate beds at this point. just incase [Laughter] Holy fuck, is this going in the special. Y’all have been great.
Thank you so much and have a good night. [Applause] Thanks for watching this clip and come on out to see me record my brand new special: Secret Optimist. It’s happening in Indianapolis at Morty’s Comedy Joint, October 20th and 21st. So come on out. Meanwhile, thanks for subscribing to this channel and for clicking that little bell so you get notifications whenever I have a new video. I hope you’ve been enjoying Hofcast, the new video podcasts have been doing every Friday afternoon. Or Friday evening. Or Friday night. Or Saturday morning. It depends where you live. But join me Friday 2 PM PST for a live videocast.
There’s comedian co-hosts, celebrity guests, and you are part of it because we take your questions live on the air. “The air”? In the video. Don’t forget to comment on this video for your chance to win a copy of all six of my albums. And if you want to see where else I’m touring, check out SteveHofstetter.com. In addition to Indianapolis, I have tour dates coming up in Reno, Nevada, and then Australia and New Zealand. Check out those and all my other tour dates at SteveHofstetter.com. ♪ ♪