Mr. Honesty PPP at the Burbank Comedy Festival


Right now we got Mr. Honesty, give it up for Mr. Honesty Guys are you suffering from PPP? You know, lot of men have problems
with their Poor Penis Perception. Do you think you have a dinky dick? A puny pecker? A baby boner? You know fun size isn’t really fun. Is your beanstalk still a sprout? Your tube steak a cocktail wienie? Your bazooka a pea shooter? These can all be signs of PPP. Has someone you love or want to love told you
You have wet noodle? (aw) A wee wittle winkie? Or Jello in your iron pants? You know you’ve got the power. You’ve been stockpiling it for years and years. Deep underground is a long shiny missile
just waiting to launch and explode. If you don’t use it, you lose it. So let’s have a war. You know war is the solution to everything. Bomb dozens, hundreds, even thousands
of people you’ve been told to hate. Let’s go ahead and nuke millions
maybe even a billion people who don’t look like you. Nobody cares about them, so let’s have a war. And Uncle Sam wants you to kill
and mame and blow stuff up. It won’t really help anything but it’ll make me feel like you’ve got
Long Dong VonHugenstein. (laughter) If you kill enough people,
you might even feel like a real man. And the best thing is it’s 100% legal because the government says it’s okay. PPP is a real thing and you know the guys with a real war machine or a weapon of mass destruction in their pants
are out there using it. Am I right? Why fight it? Fight someone else. Take your tiny 21st digit into the 21st century and let’s have war.
We’re the United States of America We’ve killed Krauts and Nips and Gooks and Hadjis and vermin of all kinds.
We’ve done it before and we’ll do it again maybe even in the same places. Just ask anybody around the world they’ll tell you that’s what we do because
a lot of Americans have PPP Join the crowd. Get more joy out of your Johnson, with war. (disclaimer) War can cause death, destruction, atrocities, retaliation nuclear and physical annihilation and the possible extinction of life on Earth. War can leave scared, wounded veterans,
damage your reputation and drain your treasury. Do not use war if you can find an alternative
any alternative. You know you really have to try. Some corporations and their paid politicians have been reported to have developed
a dependency on war. but it’s not reported enough
so you can ignore all that. Be sure to ask your psychiatrist if war is right for you and they’ll tell you, you’re nuts. So be a real man and let’s have a war
because war solves everything. Brought to you by the military-industrial complex
profiting from war but longer than you can remember. I’m Mister Honesty and I’ve been here
to tell you the truth. Thank you. (applause) Thank you so much. Thank you. Mister Honesty ladies and gentlemen. Whatever. I’ve just got to say that I don’t just love that he speaks the truth but I love that he rocks that dress
better than I ever could.

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