A few of you know this I actually came into comedy in kind of a a strange fashion I finished my Ph.D and then I went into comedy. Which I don’t recommend! It’s a little like spending six years of your life training for the olympics and then going you know what, I think I’d rather be a glassblower. But I have found a way to combine the comedy. with the PhD. I’m going to give you guys a brief seminar here tonight. Starting off with a favorite comedy topic molecular bonding. A brief review. There’s several different types of molecular bonds. Weak bonds such as the hydrogen bond pictured here between water and ammonia. Strong bonds such as the covalent bonds found in diamonds. I have a new discovery that I’m calling the supercovalent bond. Which is the strongest bond in the known universe that forms between my roommates body hair and a bar of soap. We can judge the strength of a bond by the amount of energy it takes to break that bond. Transition probability.This is tool I used in my thesis. Transition probability diagrams I worked on anadramous fishes. Here is the life history of a salmon. It has a twenty percent chance of becoming a hatchling. an 80% shot of ending up as river scum. Once you reach that hatchling stage only a 5% shot of becoming a juvenile. Not a very promising life history. But there’s actually something with an even more bleak outlook. The child star. It starts off looking pretty good you’re a child, you’re a star. Hoping to become an adult superstar but you only have a 10% shot of becoming a superstar. You have a 20% shot of becoming a porn star. 70% shot of becoming river scum. It doesn’t matter what path you take everyone ends up in rehab. From there you have a 40% shot of hosting a late night infomercial. 40% shot of becoming a security guard. And a 20% shot of becoming a politician. Which of course leads us right back river scum.