Rodney Dangerfield (Comedian) Quotes

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. I looked up my family tree
and found three dogs using it. On Halloween, the parents sent their kids
out looking like me. I drink too much.
The last time I gave a urine sample
it had an olive in it. I saved a girl
from being attacked
last night.
I controlled myself. I was so ugly
my mother used
to feed me with
a sling shot. I met the
surgeon general-
he offered me
a cigarette. If it wasn’t for
I’d have no
sex life at all. My mother had
morning sickness
after I was born. My wife and I
were happy
for 20 years.
Then we met. I’m taking Viagra
and drinking prune juice-
I don’t know if
I’m coming or going. What a dog I got,
his favorite bone
is in my arm. Men who do things
without being
told draw
the most wages.

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