Second mark. Thank you. It’s rank,
that board, innit? What is wrong? Just take the tape off. You know,
it’s a really simple thing to do. Just have it
so you’re not spreading disease. They’ve written my name on it and
my name looks like it’s got Ebola. And I feel like, looking at you,
you look like you’ve got Ebola now. The stress is giving the impression
of gonorrhoea all over my body. Yeah. Yeah, it’s horrible. Thanks, mate(!) A lot of my sets, I will
finish by singing opera. Yeah. So, whether
or not they like the… Same. Yeah. Whether or not they find the first
bit funny, they are going to leave thinking I am
Paul Potts from X Factor. Yeah. Do you know how annoying that is for
the person following you? I know. You can’t beat opera. No. I did a gig. I am about
to go on and, before me, was the most beautiful piece
of shadow puppet theatre I have even seen in my life. There were
people crying in the audience and then I come on and go,
“My kid’s a prick.” Who gives a shit about that? Your last show… Yeah. ..was it tragedy turned into comedy? Yeah. Tragedy plus time.
Yeah. Yeah. My sister died. But an audience, as soon as you
hear the word “death”, they go… SHE INHALES SHARPLY I know. You can hear their
sphincters, like, get smaller. Yeah. But I like that. Yeah, I like that. I think, you know, for me,
the three best things to hear for a comedian – laughter, applause and sphincters shutting. That is like the Holy Trinity
of audience responses. My ritual isn’t to watch a
comedian… Yeah. ..it’s to watch someone smashing it
in some other way. So, I watch people like Michael
Flatley – Feet of Flames or Lord of the Dance. Yeah.
I also watch Michael Jackson. His Istanbul tour. Have you just
Googled “Michael” and then just watched…? I just like
all Michaels. Yeah, yeah. The other one I like
is Michael Bolton. I love Michael Bolton. I met Michael
Ball…two nights ago! Right. I met him through a mate
of mine who runs a drag night. I know lots of drag queens. The night is called
Sink The Pink. Jesus Christ. Michael Ball said to him,
“What does that mean?” And then,
Glynn explained what it meant and Michael went,
# Love, love changes everything. # And I was like, “Yes, mate!
You did your bit!” So, I moved to London. Yeah. I have been told
my whole life that I was funny. I was a fishmonger.
I was funny whilst doing it. How were you funny as a fishmonger?
Oh, just talked to customers and I was funny. I’d make jokes…
Did you have cod banter and that? Yeah! I did.
I’d do a couple of puns. Yeah. Some fish puns. Can you
remember any of the puns? Oh. Let’s try and think of some now. Eh, cod bless you. Cod bless you. Yeah. Erm… ..haddow… Haddock and…
I was trying to do a haddock. Straight-fire fish crossover one. Tilapia. You’ve just said.. You’ve
just said the name of a fish! That’s not a pun!
That’s not a pun! Salmon! That’s one! SALMON Rushdie. There you go.
I’ve done one without even thinking. I was going to do
Salmon Rushdie! No, you weren’t! I was going to say ruddy Salmon
Rushdie! You weren’t. I was! I think you’re looking back on your fishmonger comedy
with rose-tinted glasses! Just you shouting out names of fish.
“That was a good one, weren’t it?! “Cod! “I just made that up.
I’m full of banter. Me!” How old’s that woman?
It’s basically a pub landlady. “Trout!” That’s another one. “Cockles!” SHE GIGGLES