Ron Burgundy Performs Stand-Up with a Hipster Dummy


-Our first guest tonight
is a world-renowned journalist and legendary newsman. Tonight he’s going to perform
some comedy for us. He also hosts
“The Ron Burgundy Podcast” on iHeartRadio. Please welcome to the show
Ron Burgundy, everyone. [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Well, that’s so nice. That’s lovely. Always, always great to be back
here in New York City with my hipster buddy,
J.J. Hipster. Isn’t it great to be back
in New York? [ Raspy voice ]
I live here [bleep] [ Laughter ] -[ Normal voice ]
[ Chuckling ] Okay. That’s right, J.J. You live in Brooklyn now,
don’t you? That’s where all the hipsters
live. -[ Raspy voice ] Would you
give me a [bleep] break? [ Laughter ] Are we really doing this? [ Normal voice ]
[ Laughs ] Yes, we are. We are doing this. This is our act, J.J. So, J.J., let me ask you this. What — What part of Brooklyn
do you live in? Is it Greenpoint? No, no, wait, wait.
Williamsburg? [ Raspy voice ] Neither. I live in a neighborhood
called PAGIMM. [ Normal voice ] PAGIMM? [ Raspy voice ]
Yeah. PAGIMM. [ Normal voice ]
Well, I’ve never heard of that neighborhood.
How do you spell it? [ Raspy voice ]
P-A-G-I-M-M. [ Normal voice ] Oh, I see.
It’s an anacronym. [ Laughter ] [ Raspy voice ] Yes, it is. [ Normal voice ]
And what does it stand for? [ Raspy voice ] It stands for
“put a gun in my mouth.” [ Laughter ] Because that’s what I want to do whenever I work with you. [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
[ Chuckles ] J.J. Hipster, everyone. [ Laughs ] [ Applause ]
You are full of it tonight. Oh, you’re getting
some applause, J.J. [ Laughs ]
So J.J. and I, we went to the
Empire State Building today. [ Raspy voice ] Shut up.
No, we didn’t. You’re such a hack. [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
[ Chuckling ] J.J. J.J., you better be quiet, or
I’ll put you back in your box. [ Laughter ] [ Raspy voice ] Oh, please do.
Put me in that box. Duct tape it, shut,
and drop me in the river because this — This right now, what we are doing in front
of these people is a nightmare. [ Normal voice ]
[ Chuckling ] Whoa. Someone hasn’t had
their edibles. [ Laughter ] [ Raspy voice ] Shut up.
Listen to yourself. No one thinks this is funny. [ Normal voice ]
No, no. Hold on here. Some people are laughing. [ Raspy voice ] Yes. Because
they are nervous for you. [ Laughter ] They’re nervous because
you’re not funny and you have no talent. You have never had talent
for anything. Not one thing. [ Audience awws ] [ Normal voice ]
You listen to me, J.J. Okay? You listen to me. You will not address me
in this way. Are we clear? You will treat me
like a human being. This is a comedy act, okay?! It’s a two-way street! And you have to contribute! All right?! Do you hear me?! [ Laughter and applause ] For once you’ve got to write
some material or pick up a tag! You can’t just stand there
and look at me and say, “That’s not funny.” Living in New — Brooklyn,
and just lording it over me! I’m so sick of it, J.J.,
and I’m so sick of you! I’m sick of it!
I’m sick of it, J.J.! Sick of it!
Sick of it! [ Audience ohs ] [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Chuckles ] J.J.? [ Laughter ] J.J.? Say something, J.J.! No, you made me do this, J.J.! Damn it, wake up, J.J.! Wake up!
I know you’re faking! I know you’re faking! You piece of [bleep]!
Get up! [ Laughter ] No! No! Oh! [ Sighs ] -Do you want to — Do you want
to come over to the desk? -Yeah. That’s my time. [ Cheers and applause ] -Uh… -That was, um… -I mean… -That was, uh… -Seth, you saw what happened.
He drove me to that point. -Yeah.
-I mean, he was relentless. -Yeah.
-And, you know, he never gives me a break.
-Yeah. Is this an act you’ve been
working out in the clubs? -Yeah.
I’ve been doing stand-up lately. And I really enjoy it. -Yeah, you can tell.
It comes across. -I — We had a good run. [ Laughter ] I wish — We don’t really need
to talk about this, okay? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we’ll —
I think we’ll edit out, you know, the —
-Yeah. -Parts of it.
-[ Clears throat ] [ Laughter ]
-But, yeah, I’ve been — [ Laughter ] -Are there — you know, uh — Are there hipster — Are there hipster things
you like? -He was my friend.
-Yeah. -But he just — we come from
different generations. [ Laughter ]
You know? -Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -I love hipster culture, I do.
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -I like Juuls.
-Okay, yeah. -Yes. And, um… skinny jeans.
-Oh, yeah, sure. That’s — That’s a good
reference to that. -The new Vampire Weekend album
just came out. Yeah. [ Laughter ] -Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
-Just got it. Fishbone. -Oh, yeah. Well, okay. I do want to — before you go,
I do want to make sure we plug your podcast.
-Yes, please. -“The Ron Burgundy podcast.”
-Right. -Do you listen to podcasts, Ron? -I enjoy them. I love “60 Minutes”…
-Uh-huh. -…and um — uh, “The Voice.”
-Okay. -And, um…
[ Laughter ] I think those are —
-“The Bachelor.” -Sure, yeah.
-All the podcasts, yes. [ Laughter ] No, they’re great.
-Yeah. -They’re great.
We’re having a great time. We’ve had some amazing guests. -Who are some of the guests
you’ve had? -Oh, my gosh. One of my favorite interviews is former President Gerald Ford. -Oh, wow! [ Laughter ]
-The ghost. -The ghost?
-Yes. -That’s a good get. -What’s compelling about
interviewing a ghost is you can’t see him.
-Yep. -And you’ll just feel a cold
breath on the back of your neck. [ Laughter ] And that’s when you assume
they’re there. -Yeah.
-Then it will be gone. Then like a door will open
and shut real quick, and you won’t know —
President Ford, was that you? And we had the ghost
of Gerald Ford, a werewolf, and Cheryl Tiegs.
-Well, that is — if that was season one,
I can’t wait for season two. Hey, Ron, what a pleasure
to have you here. -Thank you, Seth.
-Thank you so much. And I think, you know,
there’s probably parts of that you wish had gone differently.
But I thought it was perfect. -Well, I really appreciate it. I think — yeah, 80% of that was some of the best material
I’ve ever done. [ Laughter ]
-Well, take that away. Let that be your takeaway
for the night. -I’m not going to be bummed out. -Okay, great.
Ron Burgundy, everybody!

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