Sad Cat Diary


Dear diary, the authorities have removed the pair of black pants from the couch. There is no longer any place for me to sleep. I have vomited three times in protest but there is no sign that anything will change. My only other hope for rest is on the computer keyboard which is near by. But sadly no one is currently using it. I will wait. Dear diary, my food dish is now only half full. It is obvious that I will soon starve to death. I have repeatedly tried to draw attention to my predicament with the authorities but they are clearly either stupid, deaf, or just cruel. This may be my last entry. Dear diary, It has come to my attention that the authorities have two hands but seem to have made it the sadistic policy only to pet me with one of them at that time Half of love is just, lo- which is how I feel. My spirit is breaking. Dear diary, I have decided to plead with the authorities to rub my belly. I think it will do me good in my current condition I would like to receive two rubs exactly. A third one, and I will bite the shit out of them as per protocol. Wish me luck. Dear diary, the water dish continues to vex me. the authorities seem to taunt me with this cruel liquid that has neither smell nor distinguishing visual markings. A sad anniversary, this is the 900th day that my nose has been unintentionally wetted. Dear diary, yesterday I put in a simple request regarding the door to the garden but seemingly out of sheer spite the authorities refused to hold the door open long enough for me to decide whether to go outside or inside. or outside, or inside. Dear diary, the authorities have punished me for taking a crap on the living room floor. this despite my efforts to distribute the litter evenly throughout the house. I am convinced that they are mad men, devoid of reason. Dear diary, the squirrel was back again today. It mocks me. I will try and release my mind from this torment and groom myself. For four hours. Dear diary, I have been stalking an insect on the wall for the past three days now. All of my attempts to capture it have been thwarted. However today, on further inspection I found out that the insect was in fact a thumb tack. There is no logic in this place. Dear diary, it is three in the morning. The authorities have closed the door to the bedroom. I can only assume that they have forgotten about me and have left me here to die. as a last resort I will stand post for the rest of the night and sing the song of my people in hopes that they rescue me. Dear diary, when the authorities poop I have tried to poop in the bathtub litter box with them in a show of solidarity. I have yet to experience any gratitude. Dear diary, my attempts to destroy the terrible plant have all been for naught. somehow, almost as if by some evil magic, a new one has appeared in its place. I will have to start over now. Like Sisyphus, I am bound to hell.

53 Replies to “Sad Cat Diary”

  1. My husband's cat will shit in our bathtub if I yell at him. Not the cat i mean if I yell at my husband. Like if the phone rings and i yell "Hunny can you get that! His cat will go poop in my tub. Not a joke.

  2. Umm this makes it seem as if cats consider us to be their masters when in reality they see us as their pets wich is what we are because under the cute exterior of every cat lies an eldrich god of annihilation

  3. That's one of the best cat vids I've ever seen. It's just perfect. The language, syntax, everything. Sounds just like a cat would to me. Awesome job! This deserves a million likes!!

  4. Shellie listen itโ€™s Cosmo!! Ohhh poor poor Cozz Cozz inside or out inside or out …… dear diary the crow mocks me again…. I shall groom….and goals vanished ๐Ÿฑ

  5. Dear Diary,
    The continuing antics of the authorities continue to vex me. I have made repeated attempts to establish proper sleeping positions on the bed but, in a show of sheer arrogance and spite, they have continually ousted me from my proper place at the center and insisted I rest at the foot of it, after they tuck in. The nerve. Out of desperation I enacted a last-ditch effort to plead my case by sitting on the authorities' faces last night. They threw me out of the room. I am now forced to sleep on the couch like a common beggar. My spirit is breaking.

  6. My absolute favorite part of this video is the fact that, itโ€™s counterpart, Sad Dog Diary, refers to the people as โ€œdearest humanโ€, whereas this one refers to them as โ€œthe authoritiesโ€. Itโ€™s perfect. Very accurate.

  7. A friend just told me a few days his cat had taken a dump on his computer. I did ask what did he do to piss off the cat…

  8. WELL THIS WAS DEPRESSING.
    Shiet I was not expecting this level of detail and sadness…
    Is this how you really feel Frank?

  9. This is just….just….just….BRILLIANT!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

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