Sebastian Maniscalco Stand-Up


-Thank you. Thank you. So, it’s been a big week for me. My wife and I
celebrated at a restaurant. My wife doesn’t really know
how a restaurant works. Like, I worked in restaurants. I know the back of the house,
I know the front of the house. I know the nuances.
[ Laughter ] My wife has no idea. For example, she always
flags down the busboy. [ Laughter ] -She’s always like,
“Excuse me?” He’s like, “Yes?!”
-Oh. [ Laughter ] My wife doesn’t know
how to talk to foreigners. Okay? Look at how quiet it just got. [ Laughter ] I said “foreigners.”
Everybody’s, “Hey, guy…” [ Laughter ] I grew up with foreigners. My father is a foreigner. My grandfather is a foreigner. They do not have the complete
grasp of the English language. So you can’t talk to them like you would talk to somebody
who knows English. All right?
It’s always fragmented. My wife,
she’s asking the busboy, “Can I have another
Tito’s and soda?” I go, “Babe, the only ‘Tito’
he knows is in the back.” [ Laughter ] He’s gonna go and say,
“Tito, they need you!” [ Laughter ] And he’s gonna come out with
a towel over his shoulder and a can of soda.
“Hey!” [ Laughter ] -My wife never knows
what she wants to eat. She always goes, “You go first.”
I said, “All right. I’ll have a New York strip
and mixed vegetables. Back to you. How long did you think
I was going to take?” [ Laughter ] And She gets it from her family. Going out with my wife’s family
is a nightmare. All right? My wife comes
from a Jewish family. Do we have any Jews
here tonight? [ Cheers ]
Perfect. You’ll get this. Okay?
[ Laughter ] I love the Jews. The Jews are very sweet people.
All right? My wife’s Jewish.
My best friend is Jewish. They’re sweet people, all right? I got to build them up
because now I’m gonna rip them to shreds, right? [ Laughter and applause ] When we go out
with my wife’s family, Jews, generally, are unhappy… [ Laughter ] …when they go out
to a restaurant. Right? For example,
when we go to the table, I never sit down at the table. ‘Cause I know
this isn’t the table… [ Laughter ] …we’re gonna be
dining at tonight. [ Laughter ] There’s a lot of whispering
as we approach, particularly coming out
of my mother-in-law. [ Stammering ] “Oh…” There’s always something wrong. There’s a draft. There’s a lot of traffic.
[ Laughter ] The chair’s screwed up. [ Laughter ] The chair is always screwed up. Constantly. Food’s going back. Food’s gonna go back…
for sure. [ Laughter ] Like, they think
every ingredient should be listed on the menu. So when it comes out
and they don’t — You know, they’re like,
“Huh? What?” The hand goes up. [ Laughter ] She’s like, “What’s this?” And the waiter’s like,
“That’s a little cumin.” She’s like, “Well, I didn’t
see that on the menu.” And I’m thinking, “I don’t know. Maybe the chef was in the back,
and he’s like, “Eh, let me give it
a little cumin.” [ Laughter ] Maybe —
[ Laughter ] “A little experiment tonight.
I don’t know. Just because it’s not on page 2,
I can’t use it?” [ Laughter ] Italians,
we don’t send food back. We’ll talk about it.
“How is it?” “It sucks,
but what’d you expect? We didn’t make it.
All right?” [ Laughter and applause ] We’ll try and fix it
at the table. “Give me the pepper and the oil. Let me see what I could do. Some rosemary.
There it is.” You guys are great.
Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Come on, now! That’s insane. Sebastian Maniscalco! For more info,
visit sebastianlive.com.

100 Replies to “Sebastian Maniscalco Stand-Up”

  1. I loved it when they showed the bit when he bombed on the tonight show that was really funny. Please run that one again. Thanks

  2. Well, Incase anyone doesn't know what i am talking about. Recently they showed when Sebastian came out and he forgot his act. It was funny. I thought.

  3. Sebastian's a real funny guy. Always loved his style (I'm talking delivery), but did he not seem slow here? His timing was just too long on those pauses. It was as if he didn't know what he was going to say next.

  4. I'm going to be brutally honest, when I saw the thumbnail and took a look at him, I expected this to be far from funny.
    Thankfully I was proven very wrong and I re-learned a valuable lesson, don't judge a book by it's cover.

  5. I love Sebastian Maniscalco. He is just magnificent in his Comedy and what makes it extra special is his mannerisms. So when he moves the way he does or his hand jesters or the facial expressions. Makes it even more funny!

  6. what is with jimmy when he laughs, he falls apart like the blacks do

    How lucky is Jimmy hah …on the tonight show. no skill Jimmy's got a show ohhhh..

  7. Am I completely out of touch or missing something??? I've tried so hard to watch this guy multiple times and haven't once come close to laughing. Takes forever to say a sentence and there's never a punch line just him doing something physical and yelling in a stereotypical Italian voice

  8. I think he's fantastic. I love that he combines his humor with physical comedy. His body jerks are always hilarious. He's coming to Montreal soon, won't miss him.

  9. Sebastian thanks for making me pee my pants, had a traumatic day, just got to relax you came up cause I follow you everywhere, and you never disappoint 💕 I love you and your wife, especially when your out shopping, she is a team player for sure, one day I hope to meet you in person so that I can give you just a little of the love back to you that you give to me in laughter💕💕 please keep it coming all my 💕 and 🙏🏻 to you and your blessed family.

  10. I’ll give Sebastian the benefit of the doubt, I’m a fan, but the Jews picking a table in a restaurant joke was a regular part of Jackie Mason’s act for years.

  11. I kept running back to 4:09 for at least 10 times when the chef threw in a little Cumin. He jumped and from there I lost it…😂😂😂😂
    To end the night off, he threw in some rosemary …OMG… 😂😂🤣GENIUS!

  12. This comedian is the only one I laugh throughout his whole show. He’s so good! His story telling and animations are off the chair funny ❤️

  13. This is the only comedian i grew up listening i remember watching him on just for laughs as a kid and telling my dad this is my guy. Hope to see him live one day

  14. Sebastian is great. One of the few comedians that actually makes me laugh so hard , I start crying, lol🤣🤣🤣🤣👍🍹🥃

  15. Great outfit. The mannerisms were very half done like he had a football injury and couldn't go all out, so I barely understood the implications. And he had some long pauses…. it was like the long pause on his first tonight show appearance, but scattered thru the set.

  16. Sebastian Maniscalco , you should stay away from the late night tv show crowd consisting of POLITICALLY CORRECT SJW.
    Your crowd is people about 50 yrs old. We understand all your references, we aren't offending at words like 'foreigners"
    It's impossible for these young brainwashed SJW to understand REAL FILTERED COMEDY that we grew up with

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