Hello, ladies and gentleman! I’m your first comedian for the night. I was just crossing a mosque, while coming here… What?
Mosque? What did you say?
What is this? Mosque? Oh, forget it. So what if I was crossing it?
Let’s talk about us. We Indians; how weird are we? Isn’t it? Ohh… Bugger…. What are you saying?
You called us weird? Go on. I dare you. OK! Let’s talk about birds.
Birds, you know, that can’t offend anyone. Yeah? Thank you, thank you, thank you! So, Peacock; it’s the silliest bird I’ve ever seen. Sir, sir, sir… You make fun of the national bird? Come here, you bugger. Good evening, everyone! Welcome! Can I get a cheer? Come on. Hello, hello ladies and gentlemen… OK! I just like to start off by saying that I just think,
Americans suck. Award Returns suck. Intolerance sucks. And you know what, even water sucks. Water? What?
Water? Did he say water? Yeah! I’m not a big fan of water. And I absolutely, hate Ice… Water… Ice… Drinking glass… It goes inside… Liver problem… You get the joke? Yes! Ice is something, which is often found in the form of snow. Snow is often found in mountains. Our God lives in those snow-clad mountains, amidst all the ice. When this comedian says that he hates ice, he is also saying that he hates snow. He is also saying he hates mountains, that means he is saying he hates our God. And for that he should be arrested. Kill him! Kill him! Hello guys! How are you doing? Great, ha? OK! So today, I’m going to talk about how men and women are equal. Yeha, right!… What is she even saying, man? I mean, who are we to judge that? Let them be; how does it bother us?
So, let’s talk about Bollywood. Everyone would’ve watched DDLJ, right?
Remember, when Simran runs after Raj; I mean how idiotic is that? You there; listen to me. Simran was a Sikh girl, and we won’t tolerate
if you utter anything against a Sikh. But she was a Punjabi…
Anyways, let’s talk about something different. Let’s talk about bread. Look madam, there are 145 different types of breads
made in India. Out of them, some are made in Hindu households, some in Muslim households, and some in other religions. Which bread are you talking about? And by talking about one bread in particular,
you are ignoring all the others, which ends up hurting their emotions. Enjoying yourself, huh? This is what we have come to? Comedy is an art. It is meant for real human beings; not for hypocrites like you. This is the only profession,
where we get paid to tell the truth. WE tell the truth; not you…you. We, we tell the truth. Leave it Sir, he’s from reserved category. We offend your religion?
You know what? Our art is our religion. So don’t bring your ridiculous ideals to our temple. Shh… he’s from reserved category. All over the world, countries have evolved so much, that when someone says ‘I got offended’,
people ask ‘So what’. It’s time we stopped giving respect to people,
who play the ‘O’ card. You want to get offended? Great! No one is stopping you. But then, that doesn’t give you the right to stop someone from saying what they want to. What the f*** is this? Just because you like a fruit,
you don’t end up shoving it up everyone’s ass. Or if you are bald,
you don’t roam around shaving everyone’s head, do you? Of if you are a gay, do you end up… Oh! I just said gay… The state of our country
is such that we even have a law, which curtails free speech,
and you know who passed the law? The British. We claim to have got freedom from their rule, but we are still getting oppressed by their rules… Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for killing my art! No, I’m done. Because this time, I’m getting offended. Hey guys! Hi. How are you doing? Well, I find Mr. Modi, really funny. You know when Amir Khan’s wife said,
‘I don’t feel safe’; she actually meant, ‘I want to feel Saif’. You know there’s a baba, Ram-Rahim. I’m a comedian, after all; won’t stop. Keep it coming, guys, keep it coming. If you liked this video,
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