Stand Up Comedy from Neel Nanda


>>Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN FROM ATLANTA, GEORGIA. YOU CAN SEE HIM EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATER HERE IN SANTA MONICA, PLEASE WELCOME, NEEL NANDA! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪>>HOW ARE WE DOING, LOS ANGELES? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] GOOD EVENING. YES, YES. I’M EXCITED TO BE HERE. I DO LIVE HERE IN LOS ANGELES SO I’M DATING IN LOS ANGELES, WHICH IS FUN. I DON’T KNOW IF I’M DATING GIRL ORDER IF I’M JUST FEEDING GIRLS. I HAVE NO IDEA. I’VE HAD A LOT OF FEEDINGS LATELY. LIKE I WAS FEEDING THIS GIRL FOR ABOUT TEN MONTHS. THAT WAS ALMOST A COMMITTED FEEDING. BUT NO, MY LAST RELATIONSHIP ACTUALLY ENDED BECAUSE OF A TEXT MESSAGE. IT WAS A SEXY TEXT. SHE TEXTED ME, SHE SAID, HEY, COULD YOU COME OVER AND HELP ME BUILD MY BED? MAYBE WE CAN USE IT. YEAH. SEXY TEXT. I IMMEDIATELY TURNED INTO A ’90s R&B SINGER. ♪ BROW GIRL I’M GONNA BUILD YOUR BED AND LAY YOU DOWN ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT. MY SECOND THOUGHT WAS, I CAN’T BUILD A BED. THERE’S NO WAY. THERE’S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT. I CAN BARELY BUILD A BEAR AND THERE’S A WORKSHOP FOR THAT. CAN’T DO IT. I DID DO IT. I DID DO IT, I WENT OVER THERE, TOOK ME ABOUT AN HOUR. HOUR AND A HALF. UNTIL I CALLED A MAN. I WAS LIKE, HEY, DANNY, THIS IS COURTNEY, HE’S GOING TO BE FEEDING YOU FROM NOW ON. [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ BAM BAM BAM NOW I’M GONNA WATCH A PORN WITH HEADPHONES ON ♪ I GOT ROOMMATES, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I DON’T KNOW. I WISH I COULD MEET SOMEBODY THE WAY MY PARENTS MET. MY PARENTS HAVE THIS ADORABLE STORY. MY MOM IS FROM A PLACE IN INDIA CALLED THE SUNGUNGE. MY DAD IS FROM PENJAB. THE WAY THINK PARENTS MET, ADORABLE STORY, THEY WERE MARRIED. THAT’S HOW THEY MET. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST WEDDING. MY DAD ACTUALLY LIVED IN ATLANTA, GEORGIA, AT THE TIME. HE WAS AT GEORGIA TECH, ENGINEERING SCHOOL, SO HE WAS INCREDIBLY HORNY. [ LAUGHTER ] SO WHAT MY DAD DID WAS PUT AN AD IN THE INDIAN NEWSPAPER. ANCIENT TINDER, BASICALLY. IT WAS JUST A PICTURE OF HIS FACE AND HIS BIO, AND MY GRANDPA SAW THIS, MY MOM’S DAD. HE CUT IT OUT, THEN CUT OUT FOUR OTHER DUDES’ PROFILES FOR MY MOM TO SWIPE. [ LAUGHTER ] MY MOM SAW THESE FIVE GUYS. AND SHE WENT, EVENNY MEANY MINENY. THE ONE IN AMERICA. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU, MOM, I APPRECIATE THAT. THEY GOT MARRIED IN INDIA BUT THEY MOVED BACK TO GEORGIA BECAUSE THEY LOVED RACISM. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH. THEY RAISED ME IN GEORGIA, I ENJOYED GROWING UP IN GEORGIA, I HAD GOOD FRIENDS GROWING UP IN GEORGIA. MY FAVORITE FRIEND, PAGEMUS. HEY, HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT? P-A-D-G-E-P-A-A-J — HE GOES, NO, IT’S P-A-J-A-M-A-S. I WAS LIKE, YOUR NAME IS PAJAMAS? [ LAUGHTER ] IT’S NOT PAGEMUS. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, PAGEMUS? YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN? WHATEVER HELPS YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT, THAT’S COOL WITH ME. COOL WITH ME. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] NO BUT ME AND PAGEMUS WERE GOOD FRIENDS. WE WOULD ARGUE ALL THE TIME. WE DIDN’T AGREE ON THE SAME THINGS. I WAS A BIG SUPPORTER OF GAY RIGHTS, GAY MARRIAGE. BUT PAGEMUS WASN’T. HE WOULD ALWAYS BRING UP THE BASEBALL. HEY, MAN, IN LEVITICUS IT SAYS A MAN MAY NOT LIE WITH ANOTHER MAN AS HE DOES WITH A WOMAN. AND I WAS LIKE, HEY, MAN, THAT’S FROM A BOOK THAT’S BEEN REWRITTEN AND RETRANSLATED FOR OVER 2,000 YEARS. WHAT IF THAT WAS A TYPO? [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT IF THAT WAS A MISTAKE? WHAT IF THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A MAN MAY NOT LIE TO ANOTHER MAN AS HE DOES TO A WOMAN. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] YEAH, YEAH. BRO BIBLE, RIGHT? YEAH. AND WHY AM I ARGUING WITH A DUDE NAMED PAJAMAS? I DON’T KNOW. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

83 Replies to “Stand Up Comedy from Neel Nanda”

  1. Because I'm FIRST, I will not be influenced by the like to dislike ratio before I watch the video – which is a nice change

  2. Not trying to be rude neither do I have the balls to go on stage but this guy should change his career because he wasn't funny at all πŸ˜‚

  3. Top D+++++ este canal ganhou mais uma inscrito βœ¨πŸŒ·πŸ’–πŸŒ·βœ¨
    Love you βœ¨πŸŒ·πŸ‡§πŸ‡·πŸŒ·βœ¨ https://youtu.be/K7JpgPKjN8A

  4. This guy sucks…he is a wannabe aziz ansari…and guess what, aziz isn't funny either but his clone is even worst! Proud to be the 100th person to dislike this crap performance and video!

  5. Stolen joke from the Late and Great Jay Thomas. Satin Jacket aka, satein jaquet. From a pimp that named one of his girls just that.

  6. He's got some tough competition especially with so many Desi stand up comedians. No one is funnier than Kumail Nanjani. That dude is hilarious.

  7. BRITISH BLOGGER SLAMMED JIMMY KIMMEL FOR INSULTING FILIPINOS AND CALLING DUTERTE A MONSTROUS
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOhY037Z0_E&feature=youtu.be

  8. Love at first wedding πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜† 😝
    Great set πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»

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