Stephen Redesigns Comedian Jen Kirkman’s Ankle Tattoo


MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP
COMEDIAN AND BESTSELLING AUTHOR. HER NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL IS
“JUST KEEP LIVIN?” PLEASE WELCOME JEN KIRKMAN. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )>>HI!>>Stephen: WELCOME TO THE
SHOW. NICE TO MEET YOU.>>NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO. I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T WEAR THIS
DRESS NOT TO BE TWIRLD AROUND SO I MADE YOU DO THAT.>>Stephen: LISTEN, I KNOW HOW
TO JITTERBUG. I WOULD SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO
YOU BUT I HAVE SEEN SOME OF YOUR TWEETS.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: AND THIS ONE HAS
GOT ME A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT YOU:
( LAUGHTER ).>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: BUT YOU’VE GOT TO
BE POSITIVE.>>OH, I’M– I AM POSITIVE.>>Stephen: YOU’RE POSITIVE
THAT IT’S–>>THAT IT’S GOING TO BE
HORRIBLE. EVERYONE IS LIKE, “2016 WAS SO
BAD. WE ELECTED TRUMP. GOOD-BYE!”
I SAID YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN 2017? THAT’S THE YEAR WE BECOME
PRESIDENT. WE’RE DOWN THE STREET. IF WE ALL JUST GOT UP AND WENT
TO TRUMP’S HOUSE, WHICH IS RIGHT THERE, WE COULD ALL PICK HIM UP
AND THROW HIM IN A DUMPSTER. LIKE, THIS DOESN’T HAVE TO
HAPPEN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COME ON!>>Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, YOU
JUST GOT YOUR NAME ON A LIST. SECOND OF ALL. IT’S NOT TRUMP’S HOUSE. IT’S TRUMP TOWER, YOU KNOW,
WHERE YOU CAN POUR BOILING OIL FROM. I DON’T THINK YOU CAN GET
ANYWHERE NEAR IT. HE HAS SECURITY NOW.>>I’LL JUST BE LIKE, “OH, I’M
ONE OF THE LADIES HE HIRED,” OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.>>Stephen: THE SPECIAL YOU
HAVE ON NETFLIX IS CALLED “JUST KEEP LIVIN?.” THAT’S MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY’S
MOTTO, RIGHT? HE SIGNS EVERYTHING “J.K. LIVIN’.” DOES HE KNOW YOU’RE STEALING
FROM HIM?>>I’M TRYING TO GET HIS
ATTENTION. BUT MY INITIALS ARE J.P. SO I THOUGHT “J.K. LIVIN'”
SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE. I’M INSPIRED BY IT. I’M FROM A NEGATIVE CATHOLIC
FAMILY, AND I DON’T HAVE INSPIRATIONAL PEOPLE. WHEN MY GRANDMOTHER WAS 84 SHE
STARTED TAKING ANTIDEPRESSANTS. AND WE WERE LIKE, “WHY ARE YOU
DOING IS THAT,NANA?” AND SHE SAID, “BECAUSE I CAN’T
STOP LIVING.”>>Stephen: SO SHE COULDN’T
HANDLE THE FACT SHE WAS HEALTHY.>>SHE WAS LIKE, “GOD MUST HATE
ME. HE’S NOT TAKING ME.” I THINK JUST KEEP LIVIN’ IS A
REALLY COOL MOTTO. I HAVE IT TATTOOED ON MY AN ANKL
YOU CAN’T SEE IT. I CAN TAKE MY TIGHTS OFF.>>Stephen: I DON’T THINK THAT
WOULD BE APPROPRIATE.>>WELL, YOU CAN’T SEE IT IF I
DO, THOUGH.>>Stephen: LET’S DO IT. I’M NOT GOING TO STOP YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>WOMEN ARE GOOD AT THIS! I CAN TAKE MY BRA, OFF, TOO,
WITHOUT YOU EVEN SEEING ANYTHING.>>Stephen: HOLD ON. GET THAT UP HERE.>>JUST KEEP LIVIN’, J.K.L.>>Stephen: THAT’S NICE.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: LET ME FINISH THAT
FOR YOU. GET THAT BACK UP HERE.>>OH, THANK YOU!>>Stephen: THERE YOU GO.>>I NEED TRUMP’S SPRAY TAN
UPONNER, I’M VERY WHITE. NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG
WITH BEING WHITE. I’M VERY PROUD– JUST KIDDING. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: NOW, I UNDERSTAND
ON THIS SPECIAL? SPECIAL.>>UH-HUH.>>Stephen: SPEAK OF BEING
PROUD, YOU’RE A PROUD WOMAN.>>THAT’S RIGHT.>>Stephen: YOU WITH CAT
CALLING. HAVE YOU BEEN CAT CALLED.>>IT IS. A LOT OF CAUGHTS CALL ME. CAT CALLING, STREET HARASSMENT,
HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. WE’RE JUST SO USED TO IT. AND NOW I THINK WOMEN ARE
TALKING ABOUT IT MORE. BUT IT’S SO– I MEAN, OF ALL THE
WOMEN’S ISSUES THIS IS ONE WE CAN NIP IN THE BUD IN TWO SECOND
S.>>Stephen: BUT MEN ALTHOUGH
MEN ARE PIGS.>>JUST DON’T YELL AT US. IT’S THATTICISM. I FEEL LIKE IT’S SO OLD-TIMEY,
IF YOU’RE GOING TO CAT CALL A WOMAN YOUR CAR HORN SHOULD BE
AYUGA. I’M SO HYPERSENSITIVE ABOUT IT
IF I EVEN SEE A MAN ON THE STREET I’M LIKE, “GET AWAY FROM
ME.” I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET
DOWN SOUTH.>>Stephen: LIKE SOUTH IN
AMERICA.>>NORTH CAROLINA. IT WAS A NICE NIGHT, DUSK, I’M
TAKING A WALK. AND THIS GUY IN A TRUCK DRIVES
BY, WHITE GUY IN A TRUCK, AND HE STOPS AND SEES ME AND PULLS OVER
AND I’M LIKE IN 15 MINUTES THERE ARE JUST GOING TO BE FLOWERS AND
CANDLES WHERE I’M STANDING, I’M DEAD. THAT’S A STREET DEATH JOKE. ( LAUGHTER )
AND I WAS REALLY AFRAID. AND HE SAID, “EXCUSE ME, DO YOU
MIND IF I SAY SOMETHING REAL CREEP YOU TO YOU?”
>>Stephen: THAT’S A GREAT… LINE.>>BECAUSE WOMEN ARE ALSO TAUGHT
TO BE POLITE. I GO RIGHT UP TO THE TRUCK AND
GO, “OKAY.” AND I’M STANDING THERE WAITING
FOR THE CREEPY MOMENT. AND I THOUGHT OF ALL THE WOMEN
IN THE WORLD –>>WAIT, HOLD ON A SECOND. A GUY SAYS TO YOU, “DO YOU MIND
IF I SAY SOMETHING KIND OF CREEPY TO YOU?”
AND YOU GO, “WHY, YES, SIR, GO AHEAD.” IF SOMEONE INVITES YOU TO GO TO
THE SUBWAY BATHROOM, DON’T GO.>>WHO AM I TO BE RUDE.>>Stephen: THAT’S VERY NICE
OF YOU.>>WOMEN ARE TAUGHT TO BE NICE
AND WHEN WE GET OLDER WE REALIZE WE DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH
THIS AND FIND OUR VOICES. I WENT TO THE TRUCK AND SAID,
“NO, YOU CAN’T.” HE SAID, “MA’AM, I DIDN’T MEAN
TO SCAIRP YOU. I’M MARRIED. I’M NOT HITTING ON YOU. I JUST LOVE YOUR BOOTS.” BECAUSE I HAD THESE COOL BOOTS
ON. I SAID, “THAT’S THE CREEPY THING
YOU WANTED TO SAY?” HE SAID, “YES, MA’AM. I COULD BE THE LIVE WITH MYSELF
IN YOU DIDN’T LET ME SAY THAT. AND HE DROVE OFF. IT WAS SO DRAMATIC. I KIND OF WISH HE I DIDN’T LET
HIM SAY THAT AND WATCH HIS LIFE PLAY OUT AND AT HOME AND CAN’T
EAT. AND HIS WIFE IS LIKE, “HENRY,
YOU HAVEN’T EATEN IN TWO NIGHTS.” “GOT SOMETHING ON MY MIND,
MARTHA.” “ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME, HENRY?”
“IT’S NOT ABOUT SEX, MARTHA, IT’S FASHION.” HE’S ON HIS DEATH BED AND HIS
SON IS LIKE,”FATHER, ANY WORDS OF WISDOM?”
“I LOVE THOSE BOOTS.” IT GAVE ME AN IDEA IF YOU’RE
GOING TO CAT-CALL A WOMAN, IF YOU MUST DO IT, DON’T YELL ABOUT
OUR BODIES. IF LIKE, IF I’M WALKING AROUND
AT 8:00 IN THE MORNING I DON’T WANT SOMEONE SAYING, “NICE ASS.” THAT SOUNDS SARCASTIC FIRST
THING IN THE MORNING. “IT DOESN’T FEEL NICE. I ATE A LOT LAST NIGHT.” IF YOU JUST YELL A COMPLEMENT. “HEY, HONEY, I SEE YOU WALKING
AROUND WITH YOUR CONFIDENCE. GOOD FOR YOU, SWEETIE.” “I LIKE THAT THE PLATT MATCHES
THE PLATT IN YOUR SHOES. NICE DETAIL. HAVE A GOOD DAY, SWEETIE.”>>Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
NICE.>>THAT WOULD BE NICE.>>Stephen: GOOD LUCK. EVERYBODY, “JUST KEEP LIVIN?” IS
AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX NOW. JEN KIRKMAN, EVERYBODY. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

82 Replies to “Stephen Redesigns Comedian Jen Kirkman’s Ankle Tattoo”

  1. They should start a course for cat-calling if it is that complicated.
    Though, I think in the past, people were a lot more sophisticated when cat calling.

  2. I've had this conversation with other guys a few times, about not being creepy in their compliments (especially at work). It's not that you can't compliment women, but don't focus on their bodies (breasts, rears, legs, etc.).. I have had excellent results with complimenting women's hair styles and fragrances (lotions, perfumes, etc.); when I told a few guys this at work recently, two of the ladies at work who overheard confirmed that it is a safe bet complimenting those specific things, rather than sexy body parts, and added that more general compliments (not specific to body) like "You look especially nice today" or "I like that outfit" would likely also have positive results. When the guys at work say creepy stuff, the ladies pull back and walk away; when I say "That haircut really compliments you" or "I love the smell of your lotion", it usually provokes a smile and a story about how they got it, or how they feel about it. When a guy asked me why the ladies at work seem so comparatively open and comfortable around me, I had to stop and analyze what had always seemed clear to me- that most women don't like that kind of body-specific compliment/random sexual advance, and those that do usually have some issues with self-worth/approval-seeking.

  3. Alison Janney is fuming right now, and trying to think of an interesting place to get tattooed for her next visit on the show.

  4. Wtf did i just watch? Stephen was weirded out from the moment she forced the twirl and was just startled all the rest of the episode. You can just tell from his eyes.

  5. Before I watch this let me make a prediction about her style of comedy
    1) something sexual to grab my attention
    2) anti male rant

  6. There was a point where I didn't like her and then and point where I did and the another point where I didn't like her and then I did again. Idk what to think about this person.

  7. Ohh shut. the. FUCK. up lady.
    Women are just as fucking abrasive as men. You just don't have the power to act on it.
    I'm a fairly good looking young man. Successful too.
    I get hit on by women all the fucking time. Used to at school. And now at work.
    People are people regardless of gender.
    One classic go-to move used by women when they want to get a man's attention. They brush up or bump their breasts up against a man's arms when they purposely stand really close to talk.
    Fuck you, you know what I'm talking about.
    You women need to quit doing that shit because not everybody wants to go to bed with you.
    It's repulsive.
    Imagine if a man brushed his dick up against you, how would you feel.
    Double standards.

  8. She looks like a young Winona Ryder, if Winona was funny. Not saying Kirkman is funny, she's ok. And I know she's a comedian, but what's up with all the "white" references? The statement about her white pride, and the story with the white man in the truck, as if his race was relevant. Nothing wrong with white pride, or talking about white skin. Just seemed a little funny. She was probably nervous.

  9. In the most gentlemanly way possible, I would like to comment with my opinion that she is a very attractive woman.

  10. The complimant thing would probably get you a better chance with the girl and you wouldnt look like such a douche.

  11. Here delivery here is just as bad as her standup delivery. Fortunately her twitter is probably my favorite follow.

  12. anyone else remember her two episodes of Drunk History? if not, you should definitely look that up, she's absolutely hilarious in them.

  13. Yeah instead of nice ass they can say somethign that is still a litttle bit creepy but "nice jeans really complement your body shape!!"

  14. I don't like her . not funny and just a horrible person. She is a certified creep sexual harassment double standard. Women can do anything but men can't do anything? How are men creeps because they want to have sex? and why is it always the sluttiest women possible that get the most attention and publicity for obvious fake allegations.

  15. Im sure if i actually felt fearful for my safety or got startled, id be mad about catcalling, but my only experiences with catcalling was teenage boys yelling out of a car at me and it was flattering haha

  16. Jen Kirkman is corny AF Comedy aside she's always tweeting about being an ally of people of color among other groups. She tweeted about Bernie not having any people of color in high level positions, to which I responded that Hillary also isn't that dope for people of color with mandatory prison minimums etc lol I didn't curse at her or say anything abusive aaaand she blocked me lol whether we agree or not a person who talks that political shit should be willing to hear differing opinions especially if its from the people she's supposedly advocating for….

  17. If only she wasn't trying to be cute. (Her anecdote about the boots comment is a perfect microcosm of how idiotic 3rd wave feminism is, it isn't even about equality or human rights. It's about 'How can I be a victim of anything today?')

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