Supervirus, Zombies, and Rich People – Comedians Solve World Problems


If the bomb’s coming down,
I’m walking straight at it. I want no part of an after- Of surviving- I don’t want to do that. I’m bringing my girlfriend
and my dog, even if they don’t want
to be a part of this, and we’re walking
straight at it. Got it. Like in the-
Right towards the light. On the TV show Lost, you want
to die on the plane crash. You don’t want to figure out
what the [crosstalk 00:00:18] are. Nope. No thank you. Yeah.
No one did anyway. They asked us
what we wanted to drink. Since we’re talking
about the Apocalypse, I said chocolate milk shake because I’m gonna enjoy
my last moments on earth. Reasons that the world’s gonna
end: global warming? Yeah. Nuclear apocalypse? Yeah.
Donald Trump? Sure. Race riot. That’s the big one,
real big one. Yeah. An asteroid? An asteroid? I feel
like asteroids are done though. Yeah. We’ll shoot the shit
out of that sucker. Blow that up and then
we’re gonna be like, man that bomb was pretty cool. You want to shoot that
at a different country? And then it’s over. Are you rooting for the end
of the world? Yes ’cause we’ve got
so many options. We’ve got the whole
universe of options. I think it’s easier- You’d like humanity- It is easier for humanity
to leave the planet than to save it. That is a viewpoint. Yeah, it’s mine. But the problem is,
they’re not sending you to Mars. Oh, they’re sending- You think that you’re in line
to be sent to Mars? Oh yeah. Oh, especially me. The working class
is going to Mars first. Yeah right. Who’s gonna build
the White House there? The new slaves. Not a …
I think we’ve got to recognize that we have
to save this planet. You’re saying what we need to do
about fixing the planet is fix the planet.
Is that what you’re saying? We need to fix it.
We just need to suck it up. It’s hard to use
these reusable straws, but this is what’s good
for the planet. Yeah.
Yeah. What initiative are
you gonna get … I’m not using that straw. I think you’re the problem.
I think … This line of thinking is
the issue that we have to solve, is that you can’t make me
because that’s harder. Yeah. How do we get people motivated
to do things that are healthier
for the planet overall? Yeah, the only thing that would
make me, is to make me. But I have a choice
and if I have a clear choice, I’m not gonna do it. Yeah fuck all this.
Authoritarian regime. That’s it. You’re definitely gonna win
an election one day with that platform. Some kind of super virus
made everybody crazy, how do you solve that? How do I solve that? I become
the action hero in my own movie. We all think we’re gonna be
the hero in there and we’re not just gonna be
some concubine or dead person. The apocalypse
is not for any of us. Nobody needs to be …
We all glorify it. Like, oh yeah, I’d love to eat
dog food and drive a black car. I don’t watch those movies
and think that. You don’t watch zombie movies
and think like, [crosstalk 00:02:47]. And think,
“I’d love to be there?” People love that. They go,
“[inaudible 00:02:49]. If I get turned …
If you guys turn into a zombie, I’d hit you all in the head
and just kill you again.” I didn’t watch 12 Years a Slave
and think, “I would love to go through that and figure out how to escape
just like he did.” I mean, that’s not
the same thing. Here’s what I’d do. I’d get rich off of offering
scientific aid to find a solution
for the zombie epidemic. With no intention of …
With no intention of … So your plan for the apocalypse
is to commit fraud. Is to get rich. Yes. Hey, do your hustle.
Zombie apocalypse. Go to Mars. Climate change
destroys the earth. Go to Mars. Okay. Let’s see, what else? Asteroid. Stay here and die.

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