T.J. Miller Has a Seizure – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored


– The paramedic wanted
to tell me the worst news in the least amount
of words possible. What’s happening? You just had a seizure! Now what’s gonna happen? You’re gonna have another! (audience laughing) (intense electronic music) Welcome to This Is Not Happening
Presents: One Crazy Night So this is what we do. Our bunch of comedians tell stories about
a similar subject. So this is just One Crazy Night. Give it up for Mr.
T.J. Miller, everybody! (audience clapping) What a crazy night! You guys ever been on a bender? It’s like more than three
to four days of drinking from morning to evening. You ever done a
three-week bender? That’s an interesting comedown. You have to be careful, you know you obviously have withdrawal. I had a particularly
difficult night of sweating and waking up and you
hallucinate a little bit. And one of the hallucinations
I had was that the guy, my buddy, who was letting
me stay at his place, I woke up and he had also
been getting off a bender, and he was like in the
corner, sort of naked. Sort of, he was like naked. (audience laughing) And he was just going like this, like, you ever seen
someone not quite dance? (audience laughing) Like it’s just inches
from dancing, you know? I mean, he was so
close to being dancing. And the next morning,
I came downstairs and I was like, buddy,
what were you doing at 7 a.m. in my
room, kinda naked, well, naked but just sort of
dancing in the corner? That’s weird, it’s
uncomfortable to me. I don’t want to go on
benders with a person that that will happen. And he said, “What
are you talking about? “My cousin had a 7 a.m.
flight, I was at the airport.” And I had never had a moment
switch from me being like, weirdo to oh shit. (audience laughing) ‘Cause then I was
really the weirdo. (audience laughing) It went from him being
so strange that he was sort of dancing naked in my room to me being the guy
that when I hallucinate, it’s of my friend. (audience laughing) Sort of dancing
naked in the room. We didn’t hang out for
a while after that. But that’s not the craziest
night I’ve ever had. The craziest night, I
almost died in 2010, not from any of these fun things that everyone’s talking about. I had an arteriovenous
malformation, which is a congenital
brain disorder where there’s a hemorrhaging
in a part of your brain that has malformed
since you were born. They later had to remove
about a golf-ball-size chunk of my brain
from the frontal lobe. Flash forward just
about six months, I was doing a film
I’m sure you’ve seen, Yogi Bear 3D. (audience laughing) Of which I was the star, and my behavior
had become erratic. I mean really erratic. I got very excited about
entanglement puzzles, I was studying them
and taking them apart and putting them back together. I was speaking in narrative where I would sort of talk
about the narrative path of the conversation
before I engaged in it, and then I would hit those
signposts in the conversation and usually end
with a compliment. (audience laughing) It works. Later, I would ask my friends, did you notice anything
weird about how I was acting? And they were like, oh yeah, we thought you
were on, like, hard drugs. (audience laughing) That really shows you how
good of friends you have. They think you’re on meth
and they’re just like, don’t mention it,
it’ll work itself out. (audience laughing) So, you know, my
behavior being erratic, I came back to the
States, finished the film, which grossed $100
million domestic and not bad for the first talking bear hybrid
cartoon live-action 3D. (audience laughing) Oh yeah, there’s gum on here. So I was at lunch with
my terrible managers at a Beverly Hills lunch spot, I’m sure it was vegetarian, and I was pitching a
movie, this is all true, about Chatroulette. Are you guys familiar
with Chatroulette? That social experiment that
turned into dicks immediately. I was pitching a terrible
horror film about Chatroulette, where you get on, and you sort of start
talking to a girl, and they’re talking for a while, and they’re just
getting to that point where they might start
telling you about where they are in the world. they find out they’re
in the same state in the United States. And then right when he’s
about to find out which city, sort of a scary man walks
by in the background. And the guy’s like,
There’s a guy in your room. Who’s that? And she’s like, ha,
yeah right, whatever don’t try to freak
me out, it’s late. And then the same stranger
walks by and goes like that. Pretty good movie, right? (audience laughing) Too bad it never got made because of this crazy night
I’m about to tell you about. (audience laughing) So, again, the dark
stranger walks by, not dark in ethnicity,
he’s just doesn’t, he’s not well lit. So he walks by. I’m talking to my
managers, and I’m like, and then, you know, he
comes directly behind her and he makes this
really scary face. (audience laughing) And I fell on the ground,
and my managers were like, he has such commitment
to such a terrible idea. (audience laughing) Then they realized I
had stopped breathing so they called the
ambulance, and I woke up. “Boo!” goes one girl. (audience laughing) I like your attitude
towards death, ma’am. (audience laughing) What, you had to
go to the hospital? Booo! Keep it healthy! Multivitamins! So I woke up in the ambulance, and there’s a
paramedic, and he goes, you just had a seizure! I was like, huh? He goes, “You’re about
to have another seizure!” I was like, “Ah!” and
I passed back out. (audience laughing) What a bizarre… The paramedic wanted to
tell me the worst news in the least amount
of words possible. (audience laughing) You know what I mean. What’s happening? You just had a seizure! Now what’s going to happen? You’re going to have another! (audience laughing) He’s out guys, it’s fine! He knew what happened and
than what was going to happen. We can let this one go. (audience laughing) The next time I woke
up, I woke up and I was in the ninth floor
of Cedars-Sinai in what I would later
find out to be the ICU, in the neurology ward. Nobody can talk up there, I was the only
person able to talk. That’s heavy duty brain problems if you’re in the
ICU, ninth floor. So I woke up, and I
was looking around, and this nurse comes
in, and she goes, “Um, your doctor cannot be here, “but a proxy will be
here in just a bit.” She walked out. (audience laughing) There’s that moment where you
don’t have any information and that’s all
you’ve been given, and the first thought
I had was like, where’s that paramedic guy? (audience laughing) He’d know what the
fuck is going on. (audience laughing) He’d come in and be like, doctor’s gone, proxy coming. We’ll explain proxy later! (audience laughing) So I’m sort of waiting and sitting in what
little knowledge I have, and this is all true. Then a robot wheeled in. (audience laughing) We all think of
robots as so exciting and helpful in
our everyday life, but when you’re not
expecting to see a robot it’s not like, hey, a robot! You’re like, oh no. A robot. But it sort of wheeled in; it
was on these Segway wheels, and it was a sort of a, it had a column, a metal column, and then a flat-screen
little television with a camera on top and a
microphone at the bottom, and it was sort of like
Skyping to another place, and there was a
man’s face on it. And it wheeled like this, and wheeled over, and just looked at me. And he’s like, “I’m sorry
I can’t be here right now, “but I’ve sent a
proxy in my place.” And I couldn’t help it. I just went, are
we in the future? (audience laughing) And his reaction was so great, because he must have gotten
a lot of that, I guess, because he was
like, ha ha, okay. Anyway, I’ll be
there on Thursday. (audience laughing) He just laughed and said,
“I’ll be there on Thursday” to a man who was
clearly terrified. But I woke up the next
morning and they said, look, you just had
an AVM hemorrhage. AVMs are usually
found in autopsy. Which means you’re usually
dead when they find them, or you’re in an almost worst
situation than being dead, which is being in an autopsy
alive and you’re like, stop, wait! So he said, “Usually
these are found in autopsy “but you’re lucky, “your brain started bleeding
probably six months ago. “Did you notice any
erratic behavior?” And I said, “Yes.” And he said, “Well it
was in the frontal lobe, “which is responsible
for the personality, “so if there was
excess bleeding there, “you’d feel more activity. “Did you have any grandeur,
delusional personality stuff?” And I was like, yeah,
you know it, man. (audience laughing) And he said, “Well, we’re
going to have to go in “and we’re going to
embolize that area. “And luckily it’s close
enough to your skull “that we’ll cut into it
and then we’ll take out “a small piece of
your frontal lobe. “It was already
malformed to begin with, “so we don’t think that
it’ll affect your thinking “or your personality,
but we’re not sure. “There’s a 10% fatality
rate for the surgery. “You don’t have to get it, “but you’ll probably
die in your mid 30’s.” And I was like, okay. Just give me the
options one more time. Just kidding, I’ll
have the surgery. (audience laughing) But you know I had
to ask, I said, “Well, I am a comedian, “I kind of make living off
of being sort of amusing “and entertaining, and
being able to look at things “in kind of a quirky, fun way.” For instance, my own death,
or something like that. (audience laughing) “So if you remove
this part of my brain, “will that affect my
ability to do that work?” And he was like,
uh, I don’t know. But if you don’t get it, you’re probably
going to die, so. (audience laughing) And I said, “Yeah,
but I’m still asking.” He said, look, friend which is worse dying or not being as funny on stage when you tell your
little stories? (audience laughing) And I was like, have
you ever been on stage and not had it go well? (audience laughing) He was like, no. I mean, I’ve a lot of
lectures to medical societies. And I was like, do you
ever start out with a joke or anything. And he said, “No, sometimes
I’ll close with a joke.” And I was like, has any of
those ever not gone well? He’s like, sometimes I feel like they’re starting on a path
where it’s gonna go well and then I get really confident, and then it kind of goes
on longer than it should and then the payoff
isn’t necessarily worth what I thought it
would be worth. And I was like,
isn’t that awful? And he was like, yeah. (sighing) (audience laughing) Thanks, guys, I’m T.J. Miller. (audience applause) (intense electronic music) Hi, everybody. I hope you enjoyed the story. If you did, click
like down there so that more people
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100 Replies to “T.J. Miller Has a Seizure – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored”

  1. Anyone hear Harley Morenstein laughing in the background? For those of you don’t know I’m talking about the bearded guy from Epic Meal Time
    I heard him at like 10:48

  2. Anybody who liked the meta-comedy of the closing joke should check out Stewart Lee, an english comedian. He's made a career out of it. And nobody's really sure if he meant to.

  3. This is a horrifying story like could you imagine this scenario? Terrifying. But he should try to work on that movie again it sounds like they could polish it into a decent flick

  4. 6:03 I laughed hard as fuck at this
    Then that shit appeared in my dreams and it wasn't so funny
    I had to write in a dream journal that T.J Miller looking like a hobo getting a blowjob gone wrong made me wake up in cold sweat

  5. As an Epileptic since my early childhood, I have been always searching for the best way to tell a seizure joke because seeing someone have a seizure kinda freaks you out, so its tough to make it funny or offensive (unless you imitate it poorly). But this is done to perfection. Bravo.

  6. This is funny cuz I’ve had a similar experience my homie woke me up from a seizure like “aye your dying, your having a seizure”🤣

  7. There's a movie called Open Cam and it's relatively the same idea but everyone is gay in it. Womder if TJ has seen it.

  8. Man I have friends who went to school with Miller, he is a terrible person. After listening to the stuff he pulled, it's ruined any chance of enjoying the jokes.

  9. I know everyone hates TJ now, but as a person with a seizure disorder it was refreshing to see this. I actually laughed unlike when people just pretend to have a seizure for a joke. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  10. His decision to SWAT some lady on a train in First Class (for refusing his advances) makes a lot more sense now. I didn't realize he's experienced erratic behavior stemming from his brain hemorrhaging. I wonder if he made the connection.

  11. My exgf had a seizure while we were fucking. I didn't notice cause the lights were off and I immediately thought to myself "I must be doing a good job if she's rattling around like that". weird night

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