“Terrorists vs Indians” | Russell Peters – Outsourced


>>Russell Peters: I did so much traveling, my passport expired. Last summer I had to renew my passport. I don’t know about in America, but in Canada, on your new passport photos, you’re not allowed to smile. That’s new rule, you’re not allowed to smile.This is their way of fighting terrorism. [Laughter] This is how they’re going to catch the terrorists. You can’t smile. That’s the message they’re sending you. If you can’t– if you’re traveling, you’d better not be happy. [Laughter] I didn’t know, right? I’m in the mall, I walk into one of those places that says, “We do passport photos.” I walk in, I’m like, “Yo, I need some passport photos.” The guy goes, [Indian accent] “No problem, buddy, sit down.” [Laughter] Which really pissed me off, because he was a white guy, and I don’t know why he was talking like that, right, so– [Laughter] I think he was mocking me. [Laughter] So, I sit down, the guy goes, “You ready?” I go, “Yeah.” It’s a picture, and I’m a happy guy so I figure, “alright.” He goes, “You ready?” And I smile. I’m like this– [Laughter] The guy goes, “Uh sir, sir– your lips need to be touching.” [Low laughter] [Laughter increases] “Alright.” [Laughter] “Sir– Sir, you can’t smile.” Not like that, I can’t smile, of course. That’s their way. This is how they really think they’re gonna find the terrorism. By making you not smile. You want to find the terrorists? Make everybody smile. The people that don’t want to smile – question them! [Laughter] When have you ever been watching CNN, and they show you the terrorists that they’re looking for, and those guys are happy? Never! [Laughter] You never see, like, a shot of the terrorists standing around going– [Laughter and Clapping] You know, there’s never the one joker terrorist guy, with his thumb on the detonator– [Middle eastern accent] “I’ll do it! I’ll do it! I’ll–” “Ha! You flinched, you bastard! I saw you flinch!” [Laughter] So, I wasn’t allowed to smile. So now, if it wasn’t bad enough, being a brown man, going through the airports, now, when I give thme my passport, I looked pissed off. [Laughter] My picture, in my passport’s like this– [Laughter] [No audio] They get my passport, “Oh, Mr. Peters–” “Uh, step this way please.” [Laughter] “Have a few words with you.” It’s hard, man, ’cause security at the airport, Customs, Immigration– they really need to learn the difference, between a terrorist, and an Indian. [Laughter] We’re not the same! [Audience cheering] We’re not! [Cheering continues] We’re not from the same part of the world, we don’t speak the same language, we don’t eat the same food– we don’t even hate the same people! [Laughter] Terrorists hate Americans. Indians hate each other! [Laughter] A terrorist, will blow up an airport. Indians like to work, at the airport! [Laughter] [indian accent] “That would be counter-productive.” [Laughter] I know a lot of white people are nervous, about flying, nowadays, and I understand, to a certain degree, but I had one white dude come up to me, he goes, “No man, I don’t fly anymore.” “You never know when shit’s gonna go down up there.” [Laughter] I go, “What? Nothing’s going down up there, dude! [White guy] “Yeah, well, you never know.” [Laughter] And I understand, you know what I mean? You’re a little panicked, a little bit, but think about it reasonably, you know what I mean? Think about it logically. Think about what airline you’re getting on, where you’re getting on the plane, where you’re flying to, you know what I mean? That all factors into your whole “terrorist theory.” I was on a JetBlue flight– [Laughter] See, JetBlue is funny enough! [Laughter] I was on a JetBlue flight, from Buffalo, New York to Laguardia. It was like, a 30-seat “playen.” [Indian accent] “Plane” [Laughter] Oh my God, my “Indian Tourette’s,” is acting up! [Laughter] [American accent] “30 seat–” [Indian accent] “plane!” [Laughter and Clapping] We all go through it. [Laughter] So, I get on board this little plane. It’s a 45-minute flight I walk on board, this older white lady sees me, grabs her bag, and goes, [Shocked voice] “Oh my God!” [Laughter] I’m like, “What?!” “You think I’m a terrorist?! On friggin’ JetBlue?!” [Laughter] “What am I, the ‘low self-esteem terrorist?” [Laughter and Clapping] “Yeah, I don’t want to kill a lot of us today.” [Laughter] “I thought I’d start off with 30–” [Laughter] Tomorrow, “Southwest!” [Laughter and Applause] Just think about it, logically, you know? [No audio] I remember I was on a flight, like, two weeks after 9/11– I sat down beside this white guy, he almost shit his pants! [Laughter] I sat down, the guy’s like this– [Dramatically wheezing] [Laughter] About half an hour into the flight, I reach for my bag, the guy goes, [Yelling] “Oh my God, no!” [Laughter] I’m like, “Relax you jackass!” “I’m just getting my Discman.” “Gotta listen to my instructions.” [Laughter and Applause] ♪♪

100 Replies to ““Terrorists vs Indians” | Russell Peters – Outsourced”

  1. You can't imagine the diversity in India in terms of religion, language cultural, food, outfit, appearances, climate, so obviously people would have their issues but doesn't mean Indians hate each other.

  2. Thank you for hating us Indians and thank you for staying in Canada being an indian . Get well soon and stay in Canada forever. And sir u look smarter when you don't speak ! Do more insults and dig ur own grave,no offense ! Proud to be an Indian😊🇮🇳

  3. Terrorists are group of people who is being funded by America indirectly for the aim of getting them self and the medal east a bad reputation so its easier to attack countries in the middle east using the terrorist group excuses.
    Think about this for a minute what if I said 9/11 was done by a people you trusted you life with dude you need to wake up.

  4. this guy needs to know the difference between comedy and giving all efforts in making fun 😂😂 LMAO

  5. Nope this was funny as shit, and the difference needed to be pointed out for some fox newsers. Also, I’m Indian, Peters is from where I live, a living legend.

  6. why this fool comparing a race (Indian) to a type of evil person (terrorist) ? Indians are terrorists whites are terrorists blacks are terrorists Indians are terrorists Arabs are terrorists ANY race can have terrorists in them.

  7. i love this guy , i love the fact he is telling, indian hate each other even their same religion people , you know manusmriti and cast stuff . i'm not offended , beacuse i'm victim part of hinduism . peters rocks 🤘✊👍

  8. So he's kinda saying all terrorists are Arab. I repeat ALL terrorists are arab, not the other way around. But nevertheless that's not right.

  9. Oh my God!!!! It was me he sat next to on the plane. 🤣🤣🤣

    Love this guy! I used to work for the World Bank and I miss the multicultural experiences. I'm stuck around too many rednecks where I am now. Help!!!

  10. "We don't eat or speak the same!"
    So what is daal / Roti / Sabzi and Punjabi then? Anyone can be a terrorist!🙄

  11. "Terrorist hate America
    Indian hate each other"
    I'm Indian and this is exactly how it is , we hate each other 😂

  12. I think that Indians are most tolerant people's…. Bcoz if it not so.. U weren't able to speak about them like that

  13. Yea Indians hate each other it is true. But we also love each other.
    Just like in a family where everyone has different tastes, the brother may hate the sister in a moment of disagreement, but will always protect her from outsiders because he truly loves her.
    We might have different cultures and religions and languages and traditions in India, but we all paint our faces saffron, white and green on our national day, we all love our country and stand up to sing the national anthem without taking a knee.

  14. Its true that indian hates each other i am from india, nd the same is happening here , Bhagwa terrorisim is on peak in india ..

  15. Nobody said this but I'll say it.
    His smile on the thumbnail pic or 1:03 looks like the "IT" clown Pennywise's smile

  16. The only thing I hated that he gives the word terrorist a race and an accent when anyone can be a terrorist,he gave them also an arabic accent which making terrorists are all Arabs and I know its all a joke but on the other side it’s just wrong

  17. The Americans are obsessed with the word terrorist , Muslims, dollers is true that terrorist activity is a act of thugs and not humble people

  18. 2:20 that was obvious offensive for us arabs , terrorist have no race it can be from all the world … even ao im arab and i still love ur show

  19. Is it me or do most arabs smell like absolute shit like holy fuck TAKE A SHOWER BITCH YOU POOR MOTHER FUCKERS

  20. This mufucker needs to be arrested coz he is one of the biggest reason of indians being mocked all over the world

  21. Is Indians hating each other similar to Africans from Africa who migrate to America hating African Americans?

  22. Too funny got a German international drivers license and guy taking pictures told me not to smile and I’m a guy that smiles most of the time 🤔😆😅😂🤣🤣👍🏽🍻

  23. Welp I guess I can't use my picture of Joker as my passport 😂
    Plus Indian smell like home cooking
    While terrorist smell like goat fucking 🤣

  24. Terrorists hate America bcz bad person always hate their creator, u know what i mean …!
    & yeah Indians hate each other 😜still we luv Russell & Russell loves India, bcz Gd person always luv their creator 🇮🇳👍

  25. And here we are now
    Where indians are actually terrorists who are killing innocent Kashmiri people and looting them and raping them including children and taging them as terrorist because kashmiri people wanted to join Pakistan. And still westerns seem quite and the evil corporation UN is silent. Allah is the greatest of em all and his plans are much more powerful than our tiny little thoughts. Just wait and watch

  26. How can white people confuse Indians with terrorists loooool how
    They're not even remotely related

    Most terrorists are either from Pakistan or from Middle Eastern countries

  27. “Because he was a white guy, and I don’t know why he was talking like that”

    Straight outta Dave Chapelle’s joke about the terrorist on the plane where he said “and he was Chinese why was he talking like that”

  28. Don't humiliate Indians as you are in the no 1 country. We are able to speak your native language English. But you are poor that you could not even prounounce our languages. Don't humiliate you idiot.

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