The British Are Just Like Us

– I do enjoy traveling to other countries, seeing how different, but
essentially similar we all are. Like, the UK is not that
different from the U.S. You know, if anything, you go over there and it seems like British people are trying to be different from Americans. They’re like, oh, you drive
on the right side of the road, then, then, we’re gonna drive
on the left side of the road. (crowd laughing) Oh, you call your mother mom, then we’re gonna call ours mum. (crowd laughing) Oh, you call that a cookie, then we’re not going to the dentist. (crowd laughing) I know that’s cheap. I did notice something
when I was over there. British people, they don’t
say the before hospital, do you ever notice that? They’re like hospital. I was feeling naked,
so I went to hospital. Whenever they would do that I would say, stop that, that’s wrong and weird. (crowd laughing) Are you trying to sound
like a polite caveman? (crowd laughing) And I had a friend from
London, he was like, what makes you think
you’re doin’ it properly? And I go, ’cause I’m American and we invited the English language. (crowd laughing) It was a pet peeve of mine,
so I did some research. You know why British people
don’t say the before hospital ’cause they’re dicks. (crowd laughing) Yeah! I know that sounds harsh, but admit it, British people always talk to Americans like we just walked
into their jewelry store with two full bags of garbage. (crowd laughing) (heavy grunting) May I help you? (crowd laughing) Are you lost? (mumbling grunting) Obviously I love the Brits and I would never do those jokes there. (crowd laughing) I’ve been lucky enough to perform in the UK a couple of times and one time I was walking
through Piccadilly Circus, which for the record is a horrible circus. (crowd laughing) There’s no animals. No, I was walking though Piccadilly Circus and I saw they had an M&M store and I looked at that M&M store and it just made me
think of all the things the British have given the Americans. Like, our language,
Shakespeare, the Magna Carta. And I looked at the M&M
store and I thought, now we’re even.
(crowd laughing) When I looked at the M&M store, I wasn’t even embarrassed to be American, I was ashamed to be human.
(crowd laughing) ‘Cause has anyone at any
point in their life thought, when are they gonna open an M&M store? Sure, I can buy M&M’s absolutely anywhere, but I like to buy in bulk. In a pro-M&M environment.
(crowd laughing) Obviously, we don’t need an M&M store, we don’t even need
different colored M&M’s. They all taste the same. They’re just bits of
chocolate shaped like Advil. (crowd laughing) With an M on it. They’re not even M&M’s, they’re M’s. (crowd laughing) We don’t do that with anything else. You want some raisin & raisins, go ahead. Grab a handful of raisin & raisin’s. (crowd laughing) No, I don’t even know how many M&M’s or M’s they would have to sell in London to justify Piccadilly Circus real estate, but this M&M store is massive in the UK. It is three levels, which
I guess makes sense, ’cause the first level,
so you can buy M&M’s. The second level, so
you can buy more M&M’s. And then the third level, so
you can jump to your death. (crowd laughing) ‘Cause you wasted time at an M&M store when you were in London. (crowd laughing) By the way, I don’t have any judgment. If you personally enjoy going
to the M&M store, that’s fine, but obviously you shouldn’t vote. (crowd laughing) (crowd applauding) I was with my kids at the time and they wanted to go to the M&M store ’cause little children only
wanna do horrible things. (crowd laughing) Kids never wanna do something fun, like sit in a dark bar and drink beer. (crowd laughing) And I remember standing there with my kids and I was aware that
there were other parents with their children in the M&M store, ’cause that’s what you do as a parent, you do things with your
kids ’cause you love them, but I realized in that moment, I don’t love my kids that much. (crowd laughing) I love them enough to
walk by the M&M store. Jim, you’re a monster. But being a parent is not that different
from being a tourist. It’s essentially the same experience. In both, you walk around exhausted, spending money you don’t have while you look for a bathroom. (crowd laughing) It’s the same experience. (crowd applauding)

100 Replies to “The British Are Just Like Us”

  1. I live in the uk and I don’t know anyone who would say going “to hospital”. Perhaps certain regions but it’s not particular a standard way of saying it.

  2. The english didn't have their accent until the last few hundred years it's an affectation created by elitists that filtered down to everyone. Americans have the original english accent with hard R's.

  3. The Brits were so sore from losing in 1776 that they purposely changed the American language just to be different from us.

  4. Yt advertisers, let me make this clear, every advert you shove in my face will continue to garner my increasing ire for that product.

  5. An American says to a English "I am an American and we invented English language"….
    Damn, this is master class in satire comedy. Its so hard to write satire, to express self centered narcissism, at unexpected moment for maximum effects.
    This is simply brilliant comedy. Or is he simply that narcissistic? Haha. Brilliant 👍

  6. Why does every none british person assume we all talk posh? I couldn't be any further from speaking or acting posh……

  7. I'm not salty, I just want to display a few facts here. Its our language, we drive on the left because its safer, and Britain has the best teeth out of any other country.
    Apart from that, this was great 🙂

  8. It may be a point of pedantry, but if your going to criticise the lack of a definite article before hospital, you should know that it is wrong to use one before Magna Carta

    I enjoyed your observations though. We deserve some of them.

  9. Sounds like he has only ever met posh Brits. He wants to get around the place a bit more, he'd be able to do a 24hr set on the different accents. He would need a translator in some places.

  10. Well, I gave it a chance and listened all the way through. What a load of shyte. I did get it, I know he was being satirical. It just wasn't funny. It's very basic level one humour. English people got bored of that in the 1970's……

  11. Clever trenchant wit however it's not YOU guys who began speaking English first if anything YOU guys copied us then changed it just to be different.

  12. If anyone out there is seriously upset or questioning if America invented the English language, please do society a favor and find the tallest building in your immediate area and do a cannonball off of it…

  13. One of many things America has given the world : the audience 'holler & whoop'.
    You're not getting your moneys worth of entertainment without it.

  14. If you are American watching this unfunny man and are planning to come to ENGLAND.. forget London…it's a cesspit full of scum.
    Go to BOLTON or Liverpool newcastle. Lake district. Peak district..northerners

  15. You’ve never spoken to an English person. These posh stereotype voices are so dated and have never existed on the street. Ha, but you’re the dick

  16. To clear this up : if you are in as a patient you are in hospital. If you are visiting a patient you are going to the hospital (to visit a patient). If you work there, you work in a hospital or at the hospital if you are talking about a particular local one.

  17. The MnM store is a tourist trap designed to attract idiot tourists. Mainly American tourists… and it works a fucking treat.

    We thought "Americans are thick as shit… we arnt going to get them looking at art, history or culture so what might attract a fat, moronic, mouth breathing, loud, ignorant welt of flesh that lacks any attention span? Ooh I know! Bright colors, corporate branding and sugar! It'll be like a home away from home!" The rest of London is designed for everybody else.

  18. I cannot think of a single time that anyone I’ve ever met didn’t put the word “the” in front of the word hospital. I worry this guy is hanging out with weirdos who don’t speak correctly or even with a degree of sense. Who are his friends, do they desperately need help?

  19. Here's a big difference between US & UK comedians British comedians are funny, we use sarcasm and even better understand it. This cunt should go to a Jimmy Carr show or better yet a Frankie Boyle gig, Frankie would destroy you with his 9/11 routine and send you home feeling like you've just been abused😭

  20. Where we are different is that we wouldn't find this comedy funny. How is this funny???? Piccadilly Circus, a horrible circus… where is the joke?? I could be a popular comedian in America seemingly by telling the audience what I had for breakfast.

  21. They are nothing like Americans. They chummy up to us so we’ll fight their battles for them. Pathetic. Nothing is invented in England.. They are pompous and critical.. all while producing nothing themselves… pathetic..

  22. I love clean humor. I was disappointed when he used the d word. It would have been just as funny if he said jerks.

  23. Haha discount James corden.. and is it canned laughter cos there's people wholeheartedly laughing at shit jokes haha what the..?

  24. The United States of America and the United Kingdom, two country separated by a common language… George Shaw… The Author..

  25. But I'm British and I say 'the hospital'. Everyone I know does. Are we sure Jim wasn't just hanging out with an idiot?

  26. Strange Fact: Some people have a sense of taste so sensitive that they can tell the difference in taste between different colors of M&Ms while blindfolded

  27. Ok Jim. Let me know when your national language is legitimately regarded as 'American' and I will listen to your sore opinions about the English language and how you blatantly wish you sounded as eloquent as us…. We both know that will never happen. You envy us. Deeply; I can understand the resentment you hold toward your immigrant ancestors for departing from Europe and how consequently the accent 'y'all' have is flat and I no way sounds as classy and sophisticated as ours. But hey, at least you guys have Brad Pitt!! He's a great actor! 😄😄

  28. As a brit, Ive only just noticed how we say "Im going to hospital" and not "im going to the hospital". Thinking about it, it makes no sense 😂

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