*LEH playing* *conversation* (hard zoom, you know that’s bad) *everything stops* *completely discreet bird signal that was obviously arranged prior to this party* *everything is still stopping* *even more discreet signal* *nothing happened, what are you talking about?* *did she even signal? I didn’t notice…* *everything still stopping* *schwing! lip gloss sparkles majestically* *Whispering* Your ex is here. *everything resumes* *Boss ass hair flip* (lol, Colleen) It is your duty; as a friend, to warn your girl when her ex walks into the same room. Whether she’s over him, or totally heartbroken, is irrelevant. Because every girl wants a heads up. Especially if there’s another girl involved. No matter how pretty, and fabulous your friend’s ex’s girl is, you tell your friend that she’s way prettier than the new girl. *Excited drunk talk I can’t be bothered to transcribe. Soz* Lilly: Honestly, she’s not even that hot. Mamrie: Yeah. And her boobs are, like, way too perky. Miranda: She’s not even a good magician. Hannah: Really, I think your boyfriend was at fault for the relationship. Lilly & Mamrie: Hannah! Hannah: Sorry Jenna: Alright, you guys, you know what? It’s– It’s… It’s okay. But really, though, keep going. *Everyone starts insulting the new girl* Hannah: I think he’s a sex addict. *Ew* Miranda: Yeah, she has a huge cameltoe Lilly: I know It is not acceptable to always be the drunken, hot mess at a party. Once, maybe twice, that’s fine. But, I’m your friend, not your baby sitter. There is one exception to this rule, and that’s on her birthday. ‘Cause on her birthday, she can drink as much as she wants, she can make out with whoever she wants, and YOU guys have to hold her hair back. *Raises eyebrows* All of you. Lilly: Okay *pat pat* Let it all out. (Hannah’s face tho) It’s okay. Miranda: I brought you a birthday cake, can we still eat this? Jenna & Lilly: Yeah Lilly: Let’s do the birthday (something, idk) *Mamrie sobbing as Jenna lights the candle, and Hanna holds the showerhead for some reason??* Mamrie: You guys! Everyone but Mamrie: Yeah! *Singing Happy Birthday to Mamrie* Mamrie: *Still crying* Thanks, guys Hannah: You’re welcome. (The showerhead still, tho) Mamrie: *Still crying* Why isn’t it a cake, tho? Whenever you’re out, and one of your friends can’t make it, you gotta call her, and make her feel included. Even if you’re having a great time. You gotta tell her you’re having a TERRIBLE time, and that you miss her. *FaceTimes Grace* Grace: *Meekly* Hi guys! Lilly: GRACE!! Mamrie: HEY! Grace: I’ve been watching so many beauty gurus do Vlogmas, and I just feel less than. *Tries to feed Grace popcorn through the phone* *Sticks phone in popcorn* Grace: I don’t know why you’re doing this, you’re just getting grease on the phone. I can’t actually eat the popcorn. *Mamrie gives Grace a good look at her clevage for some reason…* Grace: *Traumatized* No, I don’t want to see them, AGAIN (Again?) *Drunk Jenna noise* *Grace coughs up a lung* *Everyone saying bye to Grace* Grace: I know, thank you so much for calling. I was feeling really left out. *moment of silence for Grace* *MOMENT’S OVER, LE’T’S PARTY* Every group of girls has THEIR song. You know, THE SONG THAT SONG That represents their bond of sisterhood. And if you’re at a party, and that song comes on, you gotta have the girls assemble, and you gotta break it down ‘CAUSE YOU’RE THE MOST FUN AT THE PARTY *EDM music playing as Hannah explains what beer is and why it’s so useful in the kitchen* *Record scratches* *THE song plays* *Hannah and Jenna get exited and make a plan of attack to round up the Squad* *Catches popcorn like a boss* (nvm) *I must go, my people need me* (That dance, tho) *Introducing, the new iPhone 32, it’s a bananna* *Wait a minute, it’s THE SONG* *Butt scoots away like a woman on a mission* Mamrie: YOU GUYS! *unintelligible excited chatter* Miranda: Wait, wait, wait! Where’s Lilly? *dramatic turn* *Everyone is shook* *Lilly is oblivious* Mamrie: That girl! Hannah: Lilly! What are you doing? *Scattered shouts of it’s our song* *Trying to get Lilly over there so they can dance* *O SHIT IT’S THE SONG, HOLD MY BEER* Lilly: I’m so sorry! Oh my god! Positions! Positions! *FaceTimes Grace so she can dance, too.* (How thoughtful) *LET’S DO THIS THING* Ugh, I hate this song. *starts dancing* *Digital dancing* *Colleen is either traumatized, or not impressed* [Music] Hey, where my baes at? That was a REALLY good song.