The Pettiest Reason to Break Up with Someone – BT Kingsley


If I’m going
to be in a relationship, I’ve got to be honest
with who I am and know the things that piss me off. Here’s the thing. I didn’t realize I’m very,
very petty, you guys. Petty LaBelle, Petty
McGee, Petty Mayonnaise. Super petty. I’ve broken up with good
women over stupid stuff. I broke up with
this girl one time because the light
in her bathroom was connected to the fan. I don’t like no fan
light ass bitch. Every time I go to the bathroom, [buzzing sound] Ah, that [inaudible]
was annoying! Oh, it was driving me crazy. I said I can’t
take this no more. She said, you gonna break
up with me just cause of [buzzing sound] I said, press it again. Watch [inaudible]
everybody in the house. She got attitude. You can leave. You can leave, nasty. You got shit stains in
your drawers, anyway. I said, maybe I do. Maybe I do. But if I do, it’s because
I’m shitting in the dark, because I don’t want to hear [buzzing sound] Every time I go to the bathroom! [inaudible] peace and
tranquility when I use the bathroom, do you hear me? I want candles and the
little crunchy flowers. The parika. [inaudible] Be honest, man. Know the stuff
that piss you off. I broke up with a girl one time. I told her I was thirsty. She brought me
Capri Sun to drink. One Capri Sun. First of all, I’m a grown man. If you gonna bring me
Capri Sun, you better bring six or seven in here. Second of all, I’m an
adult. I’m not supposed to be drinking Capri Sun. You know why some of
y’all looking at me crazy? Because y’all still
drink Capri Sun. It’s not for you. It’s for kids. Y’all [inaudible]
if you [inaudible] talking to your baby, like,
she drink ’em too much. That’s why I keep
’em in my room. No, you keep ’em in
your room for yourself. Y’all don’t understand. Listen, you’re not supposed
to drink Capri Sun. You don’t even know
what’s in Capri Sun. You ain’t never
even seen Capri Sun. They tinted the straw
just to mess with you. Look at how deep
this show just got. Wait a minute. Just to drink Capri Sun,
you’ve got to be violent. You got to tear this
little African spear– you know, the– the little– tear this little spear off
the– and stab it the right way. I don’t want to
have to do all that. OK? Be honest, man. [inaudible] Let me
tell you something. Man and woman are two
totally different creatures, you hear me? We eat the same thing. We drink the same thing. We not the same. When little boys
come into this world, and little girls
come into this world, it’s a different situation. The world is supposed
to be nice to women. Supposed to be. So when little boys come into
this world, and little girls, it’s different from
your first breath. They pull little
girls outta the room. Everybody’s happy to see you. Yay! Oh my god, John,
it’s a little girl. They hold you up to
the light like you’re Jesus, a symbol of somebody. And they give you to
your mama right there. They start lying to you. Look at all that baby hair. You ain’t got no hair. You got little bald spots. You need like a little baby
lace front or something. They start lying to
you– she’s so precious– even if you look like Precious. Whatever, the movie
wasn’t about a supermodel. They give you to your mama. Your mama is there. Little boys, you’ve got
to make little boys tough. The world’s supposed
to be strong with men. So you pull your little
boy out by his calf muscle. Then you weigh
him like a turkey. Six pounds, seven ounces. You ain’t gonna be shit. Look at you. Look at you. You ain’t nothing. Look at your little balls
and your little wee wee. It’s never going to grow. It’s never going to grow. You want your daddy? Here’s your daddy. And they throw you to your dad. And black fathers
ain’t always there. So you hit the wall, you
slide down hella slow, you get a scar you can’t get rid of. Everybody wondered why
you grew a flat top. You got me in here looking
like Moesha’s daddy. Oh god. This is a different life. It’s different, man. Men and women are two
totally different creatures. Let me tell you something. I realized something
the other day. You’re getting programmed,
and you don’t even realize it. Stuff’s happening in your life. You’re being programmed,
and you don’t realize it. When you’re little,
little boys get toys, little girls get toys. You know what the difference is? Little boys’ toys
don’t teach us nothing. Little girl toys
teach you everything. You think it’s a game? OK. When little boys are coming
up, first little toy when you’re a little boy is a ball. You take your ball. You used to teach
your son how to play catch before he could walk. Ball!
Ball! Ball! Catch ball! [inaudible] You know what the next toy is? A Hot Wheels. You take your car, you
ride it around on stuff. This is why men
love cars, ladies. I had a Ferrari when I was four. You know what a little
boy’s next toy is? A little army man. He got a gun and his
own piece of land. He got the little land. That’s all men care about. Guns, land, sports, cars. Little girls get toys
that teach them stuff. You want to know what a
little girl’s first toy is? You want to know what a
little girl’s first toy is? A baby. Remember that? Your little baby doll? Your mama feed you, you
gotta feed your baby. You think you’re
nurturing, though. You’ve been practicing. You was two years old
with a one year old. You a baby baby mama. And here’s the crazy part! You was in a
relationship by yourself! Ha ha! This is where it gets sad. You know what a little
girl’s next toy is? An Easy Bake Oven. You know why? Cause you got to
find a man, help you take care of this baby. Little girl’s next toy. Want to know what it is? Barbie and a Ken. Now, notice none of the
men’s toys I said had a mate. There wasn’t not girlfriend
for none of the men’s toys. Barbie and Ken. Y’all got a dream house and a
card note on a pink Corvette. And that is where
the problems start. What kind of man would let
you buy a Corvette and mess it up by painting it pink? Ken, bitch ass. And that’s the problem. Women think men is Ken dolls. That’s why they be
trying to dress us. Put the little shirt on. You think I like this
little funny looking jacket? Some girl told me it
was cute so I put it on. OK. A little tie, the little
salmon tie [inaudible]? Little lavender,
little lilac tie? Women be trying to
dress us because Ken didn’t have the balls to say,
I don’t wanna wear that shit. Literally, he didn’t
have no balls. If you pull Ken’s pants
down, it was nothing there. Emptiness! Emptiness! Nothing there. Here’s the sad part. A lot of women don’t realize,
you living the same life that Barbie was living. The same life. You know why? Cause Ken didn’t have no job. You ain’t never seen
a Ken with a job. Ain’t no state worker Ken,
ain’t no garbage man Ken, ain’t no weed man Ken,
ain’t no selling you CDs outside the gas station Ken. Barbie had a thousand jobs. She was a
veterinarian, a doctor, she went on tour with Jim,
and Jim is truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous!

100 Replies to “The Pettiest Reason to Break Up with Someone – BT Kingsley”

  1. "you a baby's baby mama in a relationship all by yourself"

    Damn πŸ˜’πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

  2. I appreciate all of you that watch this video … comedy is an acquired taste those who enjoy or didn’t like it u are appreciate 😬 please follow my page for tons of more content πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈ

  3. Ooh now I know why I don't want kids. Them lil baby toys they made for girls creeped me out as a child πŸ˜‚My favorite things were my books and my blanket. Guess who became a homebody?

  4. Capri Sun is always ON SALE now though! They even took out the hfcs! I used to have them in my school lunches and for summer camp. AHHH the memories…

  5. He's TOO YOUNG to know the Jem cartoon from the 80s!! Unless he saw the newer movie version which I heard was bad and nothing like the cartoon haha

  6. Disagree about the toys. 'Girls' toys are often patronizing and about appearances; 'make yourself pretty', 'dress up' etc. whereas boys' toys are often more interactive and stimulate kids to create/build/be active.

  7. 6pound 7 ounces???

    Compared to me when I was born that's nothing!

    I came out 10 pounds 8 ounces!
    And now I'm a 5'7" 140 pound adult!

  8. Wow.. This guy has come a long way.. I remember back when he was part of a big group on an underground internet radio show.. Keep it up bro! God bless..

  9. It fucked me up when i found out that the tropical capri sun flavor is actually blue colored, like it tastes like it would be orange but its the opposite

  10. he should’ve talked about how they snip the skin off the little pee pees when boys first come out lmao that’s what I was expecting

  11. I mean, I understand gender is a social construct and we're all mostly socialised to fit inside the binary system we humans created, but damn man, when you put it like this

  12. I’m a girly girl! But I loved the tonka trucks but also baby dolls and barbies too but I never liked Ken dolls! I thought he was pointless and what’s funny is I really do feel like that today. Their existence is limited. I also had a Barbie Lamborghini power wheels and sure enough I only will buy a car if it’s new or luxury. I guess they got me!

  13. Crunchy flowers, parikas…..you mean potpourri?!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ That fan/light combo is annoying though. He is funny!

  14. "Got me in here looking like Moesha's daddy!!!!" Mr. Mitchell!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  15. "You a baby, baby mama. You were a 2 years old with a 1 year old." πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ The jokes just keep coming.

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