The Surprising Upside of Having a Stroke – Bobby Miyamoto – Lights Out with David Spade

Tonight we have a very funny
comedian joining us. This guy is a buddy of mine,
always makes me laugh. He’s here to do
a tight five for you. Bobby Miyamoto! (cheering and applause) Thank you.
It’s, uh, Bobby Miyamoto. It’s Japanese. People always say,
“You don’t seem Japanese.” I’m totally Japanese. I love drinking “sayke.” (laughter) Vodka’s my drink.
When I was younger, we used to put vodka
in water bottles and bring them into bars, ’cause you can save, like,
a lot of money doing that. You can’t do it
as you get older, especially if you’re trying
to hit on a woman at the bar. You can’t say, “You want a shot? “All right,
put my coat over your head and lean under the bar.” (laughter and applause) So, sometimes when I talk,
I slur, and the reason why
is I had a stroke last year. I’m not making it up. It’s true. I’m fine now.
Thanks for your concern. (laughter) I really did. I had a stroke. When I tell people,
they always say, “Are you sure you had a stroke? You seem a little young.” Well, first of all,
I’m Japanese, so I’m 90 years old. (laughter) (cheering and applause) But I did. I had a stroke.
And when I started to recover, people would tell me
how lucky I am because I had lost, like, a lot
of feeling on my right side, but after a couple of weeks,
it started to come back, and people would say
how lucky I am. They would be like,
“You’re like a lottery winner.” Not quite. (laughter) Also, I don’t think when someone
actually wins the lottery, they say, “Hey, this is just
like coming back from a stroke.” (laughter and applause) But a stroke, it changes you. Like, for me,
it recalibrated my brain. Like, I used to be
an inconsiderate person, but the stroke gave me
a lot more empathy. So now whenever I see,
like, a rude guy, I always think to myself, “That dude
needs to have a stroke.” (laughter and applause) To recover, I went to Phoenix
to stay with my mom, and the heat concerned me
in Phoenix ’cause it was over
a hundred degrees every day, and it wasn’t even summertime. So I was asking a buddy of mine
who lives there, I was like, “How do you handle the heat
in Arizona in the summertime?” He goes, “Actually,
it’s not that bad. “One good thing in Phoenix
is it gets so hot “that dog poop
just gets really hard “’cause there’s no moisture
in the air. “So if you step on it,
it just crumbles. Doesn’t really stick
to your shoe.” (laughter) That’s the best thing
about living in Phoenix? (laughter and applause) How many times a day
do you step in dog poo? You should write advertising
for the city. (laughter) “Are you tired of mild summers “and soft manure? Come to Phoenix
and start living the good life.” (laughter) But after a while,
I was able to run a little bit. Uh, so I asked the doctor, “Is it all right
if I go jogging?” And the doctor said,
“Yeah, light jogging is okay, but if you start to feel numb
or dizzy, stop.” I was like, “All right, so if
I feel another stroke coming on, I should stop?” ‘Cause I was
just gonna run faster and then celebrate
with a cigarette. (laughter) My buddy said, “You can forget
about doing drugs now. Doctor’s not gonna be okay
with that.” (laughter) Was the doctor okay with it
before I had a stroke? I remember the doctor saying,
“You seem like a healthy guy. “You can treat yourself to a cocaine binge
on special occasions.” (laughter and applause) But the thing I was worried
about is going into debt. But I found the best way
to deal with debt after a medical emergency is
where you do one of those things where you consolidate
all your bills into one easy monthly payment and then just default
on that payment. That way, you have
less people calling you. But I haven’t had, really,
any setbacks since my stroke, but I got a really bad cold. And I had to buy cold medicine. And I have to be careful
with that because, uh, they card– Well, one thing is it increases
your blood pressure. But they card you now
to buy cold medicine. You have to be 18 years old,
because people use it to make, like, crystal meth. Which is kind of weird. Like,
only people under the age of 18 make crystal meth? Those are
some pretty productive kids. If they really wanted to prevent
people who do crystal meth from buying cold medicine,
instead of carding ’em, they should make ’em smile. (applause) If your teeth are mangled, no decongestant. Thank you very much, folks. (cheering and applause)

36 Replies to “The Surprising Upside of Having a Stroke – Bobby Miyamoto – Lights Out with David Spade”

  1. Who EIse is a true fan of Comedy Central Stand-Up? 😍 If you are watching this… Have a phenomenal day and rest of 2019!🌹

  2. He had a weak ass stroke. I had a stroke that took me 10 years to feel regular in public, my face was f*cked up, english was confusing, and I had a limp for at least 5 years afterwards. I was 21yr old senior in biology. I wouldnt wish a stroke on anyone.

  3. Nice Job, I totally liked it!, See this New Album 'Monish Jasbird – Death Blow', channel link , you may like it 🙂

  4. Fun, great, quick clever, hilarious jokes. Love this. My mom had a stroke and you made her laugh. 🙂

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