The Whitest Thing You Can Say – Rhea Butcher – Stand-Up Featuring

– You guys, I just moved
into a new neighborhood, this very cool neighborhood. Means I’ve got new neighbors. One of those neighbors
is a potbelly pig. (audience laughs) That’s right. Fancy. You guys ever notice
pigs look like they’re wearing high heels? (audience laughs) On the back and the front. (audience laughs) That phrase putting lipstick
on a pig is so confusing to me ’cause it really completes
the look, ya know? Just pulls it together. But I was home one day and I could hear that little
potbelly pig next door. I was home in my apartment and I could hear
her over there going (squealing) making little pig sounds. And I was like, pigs
are pack animals. That pig is over
there by herself. I should go over there, I should knock on
that front door and I should be like, excuse
me, I think your pig is lonely! And that is the whitest thing
I’ve ever thought to do. (audience laughing) Demand to speak to
a pig’s manager. I don’t really have– I don’t honestly, at this point, know what my gender identity is. (audience laughing) Honestly, it feels
like, do you work here? (audience laughing) ‘Cause that’s what
people call me. You work here, right? Usually my answer is no and then their follow
up is, are you sure? What kind of a question is that? You know what, I have been
coming into this Target a lot. Realistically, though,
I identify as the and in ladies and gentlemen. (audience laughing) That way I’m included
even when I’m not, you know what I mean? The only gender that I care
about is my dog’s gender and that probably
seems counterintuitive. He has no idea what’s happening. But he’s a 10 pound
terrier chihuahua. He’s very small. And so when people
come up to me, they’re like, oh my
God, is that your dog? And I’m like, yes. And they’re like,
(gasps) she’s so cute. My response every time is, men can be small and
women can be big! He is a man! He’s also a lady. I love that guy. He helped me do something
I never thought I would do. He helped me to
catcall a human dude. I was teaching my puppy
how to go for a walk once and I was helping him. Only really paying
attention to him because if you ever trained
a puppy, that’s all you do is you just look at
that puppy all the time. And he was so tiny, barely
perceptible to the human eye. Just the tiniest little sea
monkey of a dog, you know? So I was down there,
like myopic on my quest, trying to get this dog to
go from point A to point B. Very much only paying
attention to my dog and then he started walking and I was like, oh, yes,
positive reinforcement! Yes, little dude, look
at those little legs! Look at that cute little butt and look at those
cute little legs! Look at that cute little
butt walking along. Look at those cute little
legs and that cute little butt just walking, walking, walking. What a cute little butt! And then I sensed the presence
of another human being. And I looked up and I saw
a human man like this. (audience laughing) I got one. We all have to learn when
to keep our mouths shut. I learned this at
a very young age. When I was in elementary
school, about second grade, went to school with a
lot of identical twins. This is funny. I was really good at
telling them a part. And one day, somebody was like, Rhea, you’re very good at
telling Lisa and Katie apart. What’s your secret? And I was like, that’s easy. Katie got less nutrients
and came out second. She’s a little bit tinier. And that is when I learned that you don’t say every
single thing that you think. Some of that shit
is just for you. So then the next time
when somebody asked me the difference between
Lisa and Katie, I was like, it’s easy. Katie sometimes wears glasses ’cause she got less nutrients
and came out second. You know what I mean?
(audience laughing) I’ve been traveling
around a lot. And you may have seen
these in Los Angeles ’cause they are around. Anybody seen those black
and white American flags people have on the back of
their Chevy Silverados and shit? (audience laughing) Black and white American flag with a stripe of
color down the middle. Each color, there’s a
bunch of different colors, each color represents
a different branch
of law enforcement, you know, so there’s
like blue for cops and red for firefighters. One time I got into a Lyft that
had the red one on the back and I was like, firefighters,
do they have guns yet? (audience chuckling) And then it goes on through
the rest of the colors: green, orange, yellow. They make stickers
and hats and t-shirts. Sometimes it’s even in
the shape of The Punisher, which is very scary. ‘Tis the point. So they make all these flags and all these shirts
and all these hats of said black and
white American flags with a stripe of color, the law enforcement
that you want to put on the back of your
Chevy Silverado. But what they’ve also
gone and done is that now, they just make one
flag with every color of law enforcement on it. And what they’ve gone and done is made themselves
their own pride flag. (audience laughing) So what I’ve been doing is just carrying around
a little pride flag in my back pocket. Whenever I see one, I
just take it out, wave it. Twins! Except I came out first! (upbeat music)

100 Replies to “The Whitest Thing You Can Say – Rhea Butcher – Stand-Up Featuring”

  1. Rhea, definitely a name to look out for. Incredibly creative and insightful. Funny in a strange way. Looking forward to new material

  2. This was absolutely terrible.. please dont post subpar open mic quality stand up like this. Smh ive lost respect for the Comedy Central name. In fact im unsubscribing.

  3. The Whitest thing you can say is: "Despite all the work my ancestors did to build modern civilization, the rest of the world wants me and my children ( especially my children) dead. The modern White men I see around me are apparently okay with that happening."

  4. At least she's honest and upfront about her gender . And isn't trying to fool anyone. I can actually except that .

  5. I like their work! Most people are demanding and rude about their gender identity, but they made it fun to talk about!

  6. So glad that Comedy Central respects their pronouns (they/them) in the description 🙂 Makes me feel like every day we're taking steps in the right direction.

  7. Came because I saw their work in 'Adam Ruins Everything', stayed for the tiny dog and twin pride flags. "Twins, except I came out first!" Haven't seen such a killer punchline since that Russell Howard special.

  8. Remember folks: comedy doesn't have to be funny. Just brave. I'd much rather watch a transvestite discuss sexual orientation than a comedian being funny. God Bless Comedy Central for bringing us this unfunny woman.

  9. "Do you work here" is how most people identify me as well. I identify as "No." Then they're like "I'm sorry" like they've insulted me. And then I think "No, I get it dude, my hair is purple and I'm in sweat pants and a polo."

  10. I feel like that "do you work here" joke has a lot of potential of being a gender identity joke and they didn't fully utilize it. Missed opportunity. Overall I love they're funny. 🤣

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