Today is a Good Day – (Sketch Comedy)

Today… Today’s gonna be a good day. You’re gonna
take deep breaths. (Deep breath) And everything’s gonna be fine. Nothin’s gonna ruin your day.
Oh come on… Just breathe Just breathe, just breathe. Whoa! Aww NOOO
What the… Son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill you! I’mma kill you! I’mma kill you!
Ah ah ah ah! Oh ah ah! Ah ah oh! (Heavy breathing) Oh God! Oh god I think I lost him. AHH!
Hey. H-how did you just? It’s not my first rodeo… Wait what? You
think you can do anything you want, don’t you? Hmm? I have no idea what you’re talking
about. People like you think that the manners and rules just don’t apply! But I’m here to
reassure you that they do, oh do they ever. Ok ok, say no more! Uhh, actually say more.
I really have no idea where this is going. I’m here to teach you a lesson!
So you’re like “The Punisher” or something? Yeah… Hey I never thought
of it like that… I’m “The Punisher” hmm! Oh my god that’s funny, I thought you were
gonna do something to me for a second. Whoo! Shoe’s untied, damnit. Shoe? Motherfucker!
AHHH! What the hell? What’s going on? Don’t bother…
you’re never getting out… He ties really good knots. How long have you been here? I
can’t remember. Why is he doing this? I don’t know man, he’s crazy! He’s tazed me so many
times I… I can’t remember. Good God! Shut the fuck up in here! What are you Nancys talking
about? Why are you doing this? People like you, they disgust me. You think that the world
revolves around and you can push little people like me into this and that. Well you know
what! I’m sick of it! And it’s time- For you to learn a lesson. You son of a- Same speech.
He said the same thing to me. Ahhhh! Hey! Hey! Leave him alone! You want some of this?
Come on! Come on!! At least tell me what I did to you! You really don’t remember, huh?
Honestly, no! It all started two days ago, and I was already having a bad day and you-
you knocked me into some dog poop! All of this for that? You didn’t even say you’re
sorry, or excuse me! Ahhh, I remember that. Look, I’m sorry. My uncle just passed and
I was going over his eulogy. Really? When’s the funeral? It’s Tuesday. It’s Thursday…
Your family is pretty worried about you, huh? Yeah. Ah damn. Allright well, here we go come
on come on. Ow! Man this is pretty tight, huh? You’re letting him go?!? Yeah, I’m sorry
man. He missed a funeral! It’s already enough, you know? So come on, there we go, ok. Allright,
so lets get you up and out of here! So yeah, sorry about all that there… No it’s OK.
You know, we all get angry once in a while. Umm, but the other dude, does he get to leave?
Oh him? No no, no fuckin’ way naw. No, what he did is completely unforgivable. Oh wow,
uhh what did he do? Let’s just say if someone leaves their clothes in a drier, you don’t
touch them.

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