Toronto VS Vancouver | Andrew Packer | JNT Comedy


– It’s been nice living in Vancouver. I messed up, man. I came and I visited last
year during the summer. It’s a bad move. You come to Vancouver in the summer, it’s very tempting. It’s like, “Hey, what’s up? “You wanna move here?” The whole city’s like that. “Look at our bridges and our boats, yea “It’s very cute here. “Look at the mountains.” “This could be you.” And you’re like, “Okay,
thinking about it.” It’s nice. I’m bouncing between Vancouver
and Toronto a lot though now. And like, it doesn’t
matter which city I’m in, all of the small talk is just
shit talking the other place. Like when I’m in Toronto, people are like, “Oh you’re
living in Vancouver now, huh? “Living in Vancouver, yeah? “They’re all pretty lazy out there, huh?” “Nobody works that hard, yeah? “Just like, oh 4p.m.,
let’s go to happy hour.” “In the mean time,
everybody’s just too busy “smoking weed and going on hikes.” “Lot of rain.” Okay, all right, but then now I’m in Vancouver
and people find out. “Oh, you’re from Toronto, yeah? “It’s pretty flat.” “I’m driving around like, where am I? “Can’t see a single mountain. “How would I know?” “So much traffic, just so
much traffic everywhere. “And everyone’s sad.” “Everyone’s just in their heads,
just sad, working so hard. “You know why they’re so
sad and in their heads? “They have no where to go on a hike.” “It’s a sad life.” It’s like two brothers
in the same rich family, just jabbing at each other. Toronto’s the business oriented one. “Gotta work, gotta hustle. “The grind is what works buff. “You know, life’s about just working. “You know, you go to work
and you see friends briefly, “and go back to work, you
sleep, and you do it again. “The grind keeps our perspective.” Vancouver’s like, “Yeah, let’s work, “but also, let’s go experience nature. “Maybe this weekend we’ll go
paddle boarding and do drugs.” And Toronto’s like, “Yeah, drugs. “Yeah, Saturday night, 3 a.m., “that’s when we do our drugs.” “That’s when Monday is far away.” It’s fun to see. I was in Ottawa a couple weeks ago, and Ottawa’s definitely
the dad of the family. “Why’re you kids bickering? “Why are you doing that? “I don’t understand. “You know, I go work, I do my eight hours, “I go to the brewery.” “I drink my beer, it’s a good time. “I don’t know understand
why are you so mad?” Ottawa’s just so the dad, you know? He used to get mad at
you for smoking weed, now he sells it. Okay, Dad. Then you got Montreal, which is the third kid that
never amounted to anything. He’s into cooking. He’s broke, but he’s got style. Montreal’s like, “Rent’s cheaper, “so we just do drugs all the time.” “It’s Tuesday, let’s get fucked up.” It’s fun, it’s fun to
see the country, man. It’s cool. I’m not actually from like Toronto proper. I’m originally from Oshawa, the Shwiggity. (audience member cheers) You too? – [Audience Member] No. No? I just cheer for things. It’s good, it’s good energy. You should all be like her. Now, if you don’t know Oshawa, Oshawa’s the one city
where all the other cities around it have decided no,
this is the shittiest one. I want to reference a terrible place for a punchline in any joke? Oshawa’s your man. You’ve used Oshawa. Here’s Hamilton, there you go. Every city’s got one. You guys got one too, you know it. Everybody’s fucking
their brothers in Surrey. It’s just what Surrey is. We shit on it. It’s kinda nice being
from a place like that, ’cause like when you go anywhere, anywhere is beautiful. I was in Kingston a few weeks back. I got down to their downtown. I was like, “Their prison’s on the water?” “To be a prisoner in Kingston, lovely.” It was kinda nice, man. Yeah, some of you guys came from Surrey. You’re like, “I still
don’t like the joke.” “It’s close to home.” I like this area, man. This is a cool area, you know. Commercial Drive man. It’s like, it’s real, you know, trying to differentiate the
homeless from the hipsters. Mostly because the hipsters
are buying vintage clothing off the homeless. How do I tell? I don’t know. Well, that one’s a really vibrant poncho, so must be hipster. You know, I saw a guy literally
just before this show. He was selling a bunch of like cords and one walkie talkie. Who was that for? Who is like, “Ah, finally,
that’s the one I needed. “Ah, thank God. “I’ve been sitting around being like “how do I talk to anybody?”

2 Replies to “Toronto VS Vancouver | Andrew Packer | JNT Comedy”

  1. Moved to Vancouver from Toronto last Sunday and this talk is awesome 🙂 🙂 🙂 Going to quote lines from this performance at work now hahahahahahahaahah

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